So lately I've been questioning my gender. I know that you all cannot tell me what i am but I do need a little insight to possibly help me understand if this is what I really am. okay here i go. sorry if this is a little long.. -I was born in a gender neutral home. my mom and dad didn't care if any of their kids wanted to do things that were the opposite of their gender. so I pretty much did whatever I wanted regrading my gender without thinking twice about it. -I was a girly girly for a while when I was younger. I liked dolls, dressing up, and playing with fake make up. I noticed a change when i played football for the first time with my brother and cousin. that was when i shifted from a girly girl to a hardcore tomboy. After that I started wearing gender neutral clothes. I would wrestle with my brother and his friends, playing basketball, I got more aggressive, more chivalrous, and just became uninterested in dolls and other things that i liked before. Every time i'd play pretend i'd always imagine i was a male character. ((like i was into sonic the hedgehog at the time and I'd pretend to be sonic or shadow instead of the female characters)) then I started liking feminine things again. -After a while I felt like i was shifting between male and female but i didn't question it and i just ignored it again for a very long time. - I remember being really excited when the hairstyles messed up my hair and cut it all off. i remembering thinking if i could now pass off as a guy and if i could use the men's restroom. Having my hair cut was nice for a while but then i started getting really upset that I didn't look a girl anymore. I would put it in girly hair styles on some days and do nothing to it on other days. I grew my hair out but over the years I would debate with myself whether to cut it all off again or let it grow. -I got into yaoi or gay sex with my other friends. I started getting more and more urges to wanting to be male. i told my friends that sometimes i wished i was a boy after we watched a yaoi anime and they said "me too!" but i knew that it didn't mean the same. they told me that wanted to be male to fulfill a fantasy but secertly i wanted to be male because i felt like it a sometimes. I decided to ignore it again. -now i'm 20 and i knew something was different when i woke one moring and had a sense of dead when i looked in the mirror and saw that i indeed looked like a girl. on any other day i wouldn't care cause i am content with being a girl, but that day i felt trapped in this body of mine. I never felt this overwhelmed and confused. I put myself in denial and told myself that this was all in my head that i'm crazy and to make it worst my brother is catching on and him and his girlfriend are now watching me.. so i'm wondering. is this all in my head or is this signs that i may be genderfuild or something else? Also if I do determine that I am genderfuild is it necessary that i use pronouns on days that i'm male or non-binary? or do i have to get separate names or anything like that? cause i don't mind being called a she even on my male days and i don't feel like i should have separate names.
I'm non-binary and somewhat fluid and I stick with female pronouns mostly for now, even though it sometimes bothers me, out of convenience (I also look completely female so never any chance of passing.) I don't really feel like a they, I always feel either male or female and I think consider myself both really, but sometimes I feel exclusively one or the other. Something about they doesn't work for me I guess. So I don't think it's necessary, just do what you're comfortable with.
I hope other people chime in. You should allow yourself to explore your other gender. There's nothing you should or have to do in terms of pronouns or anything else. It's all about what you want/like. For me, I'm content to express my other gender only in some situations. It's always there, though, and I like it.
Hi I think that it's likely or at least possible that you're genderfluid or bigender since you said that it felt like you were shifting between male and female plus the bit where you said you felt trapped in your body sometimes. It doesn't matter if you like stereotypically masculine or stereotypically feminine things though, that doesn't determine your gender nor do the clothes you wear. I hope that didn't sound harsh, I didn't mean to but I couldn't work out how else to type it out You don't have to do anything that you don't feel comfortable with so, you don't have to change pronouns or your name if you don't want to. Good luck with figuring it out!
@spot No I get it. Thank you for being honest. I know doing masculine things don't really mean anything cause it could just mean that I'm a tomboy or just really masculine female. thank you for wishing me luck, I will continue to explore my gender until I'm confident in what I really am.
