I've never identified much with other males, as a kid or an adult. The last few years have been really confusing for me. I've gone through every stage of my gender identity i can think of. Crossdressing (fetish), bigender/genderfluid, trans, back to crossdressing (no fetish). I'm obsessed with drag at the moment. I still feel like somewhere deep down I should've been a woman. I want to be one. But I think I'm going to find an alternate route. I don't think I could ever transition and be completely happy knowing I'll never be a natural women. I want the ability to carry children, I want the physical shape of a woman to the extent that hormones in transition could never provide. It makes me sad, but that's the truth and it's one I must live with. I think I can live with being gay and crossdressing. My gender/sex aren't the only things in the world, and transitioning is a lot of upkeep. I just don't have the drive or the nerve to completely transition and thats another thing stopping me. There's gotta be an alternate route, yeah? I'm trying to adopt a feminine style, slowly but surely. It seems like the right direction at the moment, when i consider everything I've stated here. Thoughts and advice or even just your own experiences to compare are welcomed and encouraged. Thanks for reading.
