do you think not transitioning because of the possibility not being able to pass?

Do you mean, like, if I ever consider giving up on the idea of transitioning because of the risk that I'll never be satisfied? In that case, yeah, I do, quite a lot. But at the end of the day I see pursuing my own happiness as a kind of duty, because if I'm happy then the people who care about me are happy. Therefore I have no right to be spoiled and waver in despair when a better life is within my grasp. That's how I feel.

 

I thought that way early on but in the end I decided that I'd be happy as a woman regardless of my appearance. If I stayed as I was I would have been miserable for the rest of my life almost certainly. At least by transitioning I've given myself the opportunity to be happy. When I was doing my initial assessment for my readiness to take hormones the lady asked me lots of questions and helped me develop a realistic expectations when it came to what HRT can do. That really helped me as well.

 

I mean, I can never "pass" in the sense of having my gender identity affirmed while my trans identity is concealed. That's not a luxury I get to have. 99% of strangers will never look at me and think "ah, that is a genderfluid person" and no one will ever think I was born into a non-binary role or body. So if that were to stop me from transitioning, I'd be an unhappy cis girl my whole life.

And, frankly, fuck that. Be who you are, not who other people will think you are.

 

As I get older I know I'm looking less feminine. But I guess I do well enough. But I'm being me so fuck anything else.

 

Lots of trans people don't pass. Don't worry about that. There is much more you can do to be happy with yourself.

 

Honestly it has crossed my mind but in the long run I know I'll still transition anyway. I'll just be a girly boy and people can get over it.

 

Passing really shouldn't be the main goal of transition. I understand that it's important to a lot of people (it's really important to me too; not passing makes me dysphoric), but physical transition should be for a physical cause, by which I mean you should be transitioning so you will like your own body better and your dysphoria will be helped, not so other people will see you as a certain gender. If you think you will have less dysphoria with the changes caused by hormones, then do it even if it won't be perfect and you won't pass 100% of the time.

 

I think the same, really...

It's a huge step to take, and I'm not sure if I'll be any happier in the end. Socially, I'd probably be a lot more comfortable as it feels very dysphoric and strange to be referred to as a 'girl'. Pronouns don't even really bothered me, but when someone emphasizes that I'm "a girl" it makes me want to transition more badly.

The thing about transition, is it's a life-long commitment. Or can be... I toy with the idea of going on T for a while - enough to lower my voice and masculine-ize some of my body but what if in the end, I just get stuck somewhere in-between? Then I think about having a career. I'll be living overseas soon and trans people, let alone gay/bi people don't have any laws protecting them. Ahh, but thinking about acting cis sorta kills me.

 

I know exactly what you mean, it feels like that pretty much all the time, although I do have my moments where I look in the mirror and feel like I'm looking at the female me, but that's mainly in terms of looking in my eyes (as they are pretty much the only thing I don't hate hate about my body). But I know hrt has done good to most of us, so I'm certainly going to take the chance, because I know if I wont, I will never be able to accept myself and also makes me fall into constant depression. So to prevent that all I can say it's best for all of us to follow our heart (sorry I know it sounds a bit cliché), and in the end that's all we should really do. Because our heart knows what's best for us.

 

Yes. Thats most of why I haven't transitioned. I don't want to have the stigma follow me in all aspects of my life. If I could pass then I wouldn't have to worry about that. My dream is to just blend in with all the cis-gendered women of the world, but I'm a 300lb 6'4'' maab, so the best I could hope for in a transition is to become a hulking beast of a woman. Right now I'm very depressed, but stable. Transition I fear would put me over the edge.

 

Absolutely. I feel like if I wasn't relatively tall I wouldn't even try. I know it's kind of messed up to think that way but to me it wouldn't be worth it if I couldn't pass. That would just be depressing and create new problems. Even though I'm tall though, I still fear that and it factors into my decision of whether or not I will transition. I have a round face and a small chin and I'm skinny. House of a high voice. But sometimes when I'm walking around in public people mistake me as a guy until I talk, and that makes me happy until they quickly correct myself and then I'm depressed again.

Again, I know it's messed up, but to me it's like what is the point if nobody else recognizes you for what you are? Not only will you have to be putting up with misgendering all the time, but not passing also seems scary and that it might open you up to more discrimination.

 

Not really. I have fears that I won't pass and my life would be a mess, but it's a wall of fear that stops me, not a consideration of not doing it. I wish I was more of a fighter.

 

I've never had fear over passing. I know I don't pass well, but that never causes me stress anymore. Maybe a tad bit when I first started my transition. So I've never considered stopping my transition.