So I'm a teenager with lots of anxiety and I will easily obsess over something for days or weeks on end. I identify with being a girl and a lesbian. A couple days ago I suddenly felt weird about the label "lesbian," so I naturally began to freak out. I realized I don't really identify with woman 100% like I used to. I feel really weird about myself. I don't have much dysphoria towards my body. Sometimes I feel weird about having a vagina but I also don't want a penis. I wear bras and panties, I don't feel like I need HRT or anything like that. I actually pretty female with my body. I go by they/them pronouns usually, and also she/her. I feel neutral when I'm called my feminine name and female nicknames, but I also feel neutral towards my more androgynous nickname. I see myself physically as masculine or androgynous, but not in a way that makes me male. I don't see myself as male really at all, and I don't wish to transition or anything, and he/him pronouns seem a little off. But I feel like maybe I'm more than just a demigirl. Maybe I'm agender or just genderqueer or nonbinary. I feel like I can still use the term "gay," but I just feel a little anxious about it. I only feel attracted to women and nonbinary women, so maybe gynesexual works better, but I still want to feel comfortable calling myself a lesbian and gay. Pretty much any label is throwing me off! Any advice?
Hey ^^ First off, you can identify as gay if it makes you feel comfortable ^^ It doesn't really sound like you're a cis girl to me but of course, I could be wrong. I also don't think you're agender and genderfluid doesn't fit what you're describing 100% but if those labels makes you happy then you can identify that way To me, it seems most likely that you're a demigirl. Also, have you heard of the term genderflux? I think it's possible that that also might work. It can take some time to figure out your gender identity so don't stress if you don't get it straight away, good luck!
I feel mainly neutral and gender neutral now so maybe that's it? Genderflux may also be a possibility? I'm not sure. I wish this wasn't causing me so much anxiety ://
I was in your position a few months ago, and kind of still am. I tried looking at different aspects of myself ain an attempt to figure out whether I was male or female, but realized that there were women who displayed a lot of the stereotypically male traits I'd listed and men who had a lot of the female ones as well. Basically, behaviors don't really define gender beyond largely-incorrect stereotypes, and they don't make you one or the other. The best way to look at this is not to ask "what gender am I" or to try labeling yourself in any way. Instead, ask "What do I need to do in order to be at peace with myself?" Try thinking of it that way and see where that goes.
Yeah, questioning gave me a heap of anxiety too. It took me a while to work it out, I went back and forth between labels before finding one that felt comfortable. You'll be okay Can you explain a bit more about how being gender neutral feels to you? Do you prefer they/them pronouns over she/her? Would you consider HRT and surgery to look more androgynous? I know that you mentioned transition in your original post but I wasn't sure if you were talking about FTM transition or not. These things aren't necessary for being trans but I think it gives a clearer idea. Also, what do you mean when you say that you feel weird about your body, like do you feel discomfort or like those parts shouldn't be there?
I feel neutral towards my body. I don't mind my breasts, and I don't really like binding. I am okay with having a vagina, and I don't feel like I need a penis. I don't want to transition with hormones because I already look pretty androgynous and I don't want facial hair or a deeper voice or smaller breasts. I just feel apathetic towards any pronouns. I don't being mind called a girl, but thinking of myself as a boy gives me incredible anxiety. I kinda feel like both though? I don't know, it's weird because I'm comfortable in my body, but my gender identity just feels off. I really want to be a woman, I really do. I feel completely fine with my feminine birth name. I think I could be bigender?
I don't think you've given enough information here to go off and it's normal for ciswomen and girls to feel uncomfortable with their body or parts of it during their teenage years. You don't really sound genderfluid to me but perhaps you have a weak female identity (like demigirl.) Seeing a gender therapist if it's really bothering you is a good idea though. Why does thinking of yourself as a guy give you anxiety? Because of society's reactions or because you don't identify as male?
I don't know why it makes me so much anxiety. I don't wanna be male, and I don't truly think I am. It's in the back of my mind though? I don't see myself as a man, I don't see myself physically transitioning. I feel neutral about pretty much any pronouns. I feel like the more I obsess over it, the less comfortable I feel with female terms, but that could be due to the fact I am obsessing over it. I still prefer the women's bathroom, I still am able to check the female box on papers and stuff, but I feel more than that. I feel pretty apathetic to any label, so maybe I just shouldn't label myself. I like the way genderqueer sounds, but it's not quite spot on. I guess I'm also sad because I used the term 'lesbian' to describe myself for years, but it suddenly felt a little out of place. I still use it, I just don't have the same intense connection to it anymore. Oh and I'm pretty androgynous all the time. I sometimes wear dresses and makeup, but that's just when I'm not as lazy. I feel like my face has some masculine qualities, and I wish I looked more feminine. I wonder if maybe since I see my face as less 'girly,' it's making me overthink things. Sorry for the long reply!
