So I posted yesterday and I'm even more confused. I still like to use the women's bathroom, I still dress feminine sometimes, I still feel some connection to being a woman. I don't mind she/her pronouns. I predominantly use they/them, but I still feel kind of apathetic towards them. I don't really feel like I need to bind, and I don't know if I have dysphoria. I am okay with my breasts most of the time. I don't really feel a connected to being a man either, but I feel closer to that than a woman? I just kinda feel like both. I still like to call myself gay (I'm attracted to women) and I'm okay with my girlfriend calling me 'princess' and 'babygirl' and just generally feminine things, I just don't feel as close of a connection with them. I don't feel a connection to the terms "man" or "boy" or "dude." But for some reason I'm really paranoid I'm a boy even though I don't think I am one/feel neutral about it. I don't wanna give up the part of myself that still feels like a woman i just wish I was back to being comfortable again.
Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but this sounds like Demi girl? https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sou...ggpMAI&usg=AFQjCNHN-PcrX382knaU_JMI8u60lqhrDA Ofc you don't need to give yourself a label.
Is it possible you're a cis woman? A lot of cis people don't really feel their gender or feel a strong connection to it. If you don't have dysphoria and don't want to give up your connection to being a woman, you might just be a woman.
There is nothing wrong with this, either. You could be cis and non-conforming. Gender stereotypes are incredibly narrow, so very few people actually live up to them - and how many people really want to, anyway? I'm still paranoid that I'm only trans because of some fucked up, internalised misogyny or something. Like I feel a need to distance myself from being a woman because I have a mental image of women instilled in me by a complex, patriarchal system that does little to represent women in a truly equal light. Like I fight with my inherent woman-ness because I do not relate to the images of womanhood that I've been presented with. It's generally more acceptable to be a woman that's a bit boyish than a man that's a bit girlish. It's just the nature of the beast. Maybe there's a kernel of truth in that but the thing is, I do experience varying levels of dysphoria. My issue now is figuring out where on the spectrum I comfortably fit, what my real and persistent needs are, and how to be the best me I can be. Also, I find that as humans, we tend to like things in neat little boxes, with type-faced labels and the whole shebang. And honestly, most labels don't fit people 100%. Try not to get too hung up on finding a label - focus instead on figuring yourself out, for the individual person you are, not the category you fit under. Lastly, I don't think there's any harm in exploring concepts like gender for ourselves if you feel a burning need to. Try pronouns. Try names. Whatever feels the most right to you? That's probably going to tell you a lot. Personally, he/him feels pretty good to me. So does e/em. But third-option pronouns are relatively new and tricky to utilize in day-to-day speech - we're not culturally there yet. So they/them is just as good, as our only neutral English pronoun for people. Gender is a weird fucking thing. It doesn't come from what clothes we prefer, or what activities, or what hobbies. It isn't found hiding in our childhood toy boxes, or in what games we would play. It isn't indicated by the social circles we float in, or who our role models are, or what professions we aspire to succeed in. The only place gender really comes from is some dark little corner of our hearts and our minds, a small spark that says "This is what feels right to me - this is the way to respectfully socially address me. This is a small yet defining part of my identity." And for some people that little voice is more distinctive than for others. There is no right or wrong way to hear it. (*hug*)
