I'm curious if many people identify as one gender with the brain of the other. And I'm curious how you identify with your own sex then. I find it very difficult to relate, that's why: trans*. What are the ways you identify with your sex and not feel wierd or uncomfortable about it? What is your experience in general with it? Does it cause you confusion? How do you deal with it in everyday life? How do you live with it? Do you identify with your birth sex then?
Not exactly sure what your asking.... I don't think my brain is exactly male or female. I don't identify as female, to say I am female is weird, but because of the current shape of my body saying I an male doesn't exactly fit right either. I'd rather say I feel my soul is mostly male, with the female parts of it being from the way I was brought up. I believe that I was never meant to be female, that I was male in all my past lives (because that is something I believe in even if others don't), and that in my next life I will be male. I use to just sit around waiting to die so that I could live my next life as the male I was suppose to be because I didn't realize it was okay to not know what it means to feel male, or that trans dude could be gay (attracted to men) as well.
I'm guessing by this you mean, you don't necessarily experience body dysphoria, it's more in an emotional/mental way. If that's the case, I can personally relate to that a bit and have questioned my gender in the past. I think for me it's different and sometimes I feel more masculine, other times I don't. But I've often found I identify with guys more than with girls in many ways. As of right now, I don't personally think I'm not a female, I think of myself more as somewhere in between androgynous and female, emotionally at least. But it's different for everyone. I know some people experience predominantly social dysphoria. But, whatever identity makes you feel the most you, and the most comfortable, is what's right for you.
I used to think it's past life thing too, but nah, it's a mentality thing. I get very confused about this. I think of myself as having a male mind and a female body, and I identify with it being this way. I don't think I'm not female, I am, but sort of... it's just an extremely wierd, confusing limbo-place to be... I am a man. And I am a woman. But mentality-wise, more of a man, and that's how I know gender is not learnt, because socialisation failed in my case so hard that after so many years I still didn't learn what I was supposed to learn, supposedly, what people say is a result of female upbringing (or physiology). I didn't lack any crucial female experience - there is no other explanation than "I was born this way". If I told you what I do on a day-to-day basis and what I think and feel, you'd think I'm male. So I guess I am a man in a way. I love all those things. I love my life. I love this... being a man It's just... confusing. Hybrid identity dilemmas. Sigh...
Just because their isn't a "label" for your feelings, doesn't mean they aren't real and okay to feel. Labels were created as an easier way to define our complex feelings and identities. But there's so much more than words could ever describe I think.
I think you got me wrong, I don't feel bad or like looking for a label, I just wanted company in my experience Just wanna talk and not feel alone. (Is your avatar in Berlin, BTW, Bubbles123?)
I'd say I identify this way. I consider myself to be a girl (for what reason, I don't know) but I feel like the way I think is more masculine or gender neutral. I don't experience any body dysphoria (well, nothing major anyway), and overall I feel like a lack an innate sense of gender... which I guess would make me agender, but I like to identify as a girl anyway. Maybe just because I feel like it's easier. I think my confusing feelings toward my gender might be related to my Asperger's syndrome... Apparently, it's common for girls with Asperger's to feel more male-brained. I relate more to boys than to girls. I also like the thought of being thought of and referred to as a guy, but I don't plan to do anything about this. I don't want to confuse people, when I still think that I am somehow vaguely female. So yeah, I guess I just say I'm female because it's easier and some part of me still thinks I must be a girl. I don't understand what it is. Maybe it's because I like identifying as a lesbian, and lesbians are girls. Really, I'm probably mostly agender. I don't think I feel any sense of gender; it's just a label I don't understand. Like I'm just calling myself a girl for fun, because I don't know what gender is and don't know what else to call myself. I have really long, wavy hair and wear skirts and dresses often. But I don't care what I look like, overall. Still, I seem to feel happiest when wearing boy clothes or unisex clothing. My mom likes it when I wear girl things, so I just do what she wants. I don't care. But I do feel weird about being considered female, when I think like a guy and feel awkward around girls. Sometimes I get horribly confused, because I don't think of myself as being a gender; I just think of myself as a female-bodied person who fits in with boys. And yet everyone keeps thinking I'm so girly because of my appearance. It gets annoying, because people can't tell how I feel by how I look. I identify as a demigirl, maybe like 80% agender and 20% female? I feel like that's not the most accurate label for it, but I can't find a closer one. It's too hard to describe what I feel and think. I'm just... different. I seem to go by my own definition of what a girl is, because I can't understand anyone else's. I really wish people would stop thinking that a girl is going to think and feel a certain way. I can call myself a girl, but I don't understand them like I do boys. Heh, this post got longer than I intended... ^.^'
I went like this: 1. I guess I have a boy brain 2. Realise that gender is bullshit 3. Stop doing things that you're told to do but don't like and never questioned, e.g. shaving, wearing feminine clothing, having feminine interests, cut your hair 4. Be irritated that they treat you a certain way 5. Confuse people about your gender on purpose. Look like a mix of an androgynous anime boy and a butch woman. 6. Here "living as a woman" stops. I become a gender outcast and experience things outside the female gender role, and as a result become someone else. 7. I can no longer confidently say "I am a woman". Welcome to the middle grounds, stuff can't be undone. I can't just come back mentally, physically and emotionally. 8. What comes next? I've no idea... I guess I'll float in here, in between, neither here nor there, to the end of my days. ---------- Post added 15th May 2016 at 11:24 AM ---------- It's taken yeeeears...
The way I approached this works for me. I asked myself what was working, and what wasn't. I demanded just some honesty out of myself. Nevermind why, I just needed to know what. What was making me feel like ass, and what did "feeling like ass" mean. What helped to fix and prevent it. What does "being treated like a man" or "being treated like a woman" mean in terms only of specific behaviors, and how they affect me. Asking myself these kinds of questions, and less "where does this come from", "how much of this is nurture or nature", led to fewer "is this real" places that I feel you're at. I just stuck to things that were unquestionably real. And that, in turn, gave me a much clearer picture of what being trans is to me. The answers I came up with, a lot of them are patterns I've seen borne out in other people, and a lot do fall along gender lines. But they're still my answers. They won't help you. My suggestion, is to quit trying to be a man, and to instead just try to alleviate dysphoria so you can live your life. When the dysphoria goes away, you will be more confident in who you are, as either a man or a "gender outcast" or whatever you find yourself to be. You'll know you're you, and other people's opinions of you and your reality have absolutely nothing to do with who and what you are. If you find your truth is "I am a man", that won't have to make sense to anyone but you. There won't be any politics to it. There won't be any dissertations on what gender is and isn't and its effect on the entire world any more. There's just who you are, whether people like it or not. You'll just reach that place that people that aren't trans are at, where you care about as much about sex and gender as cis people do. That's what transition is, to me. Just getting to that point. It's funny. But I can imagine if I were suddenly given a completely male body again, I really understand how people that aren't trans see this question a lot more clearly now, how they can think it wouldn't be a big deal. I can feel that way. How they'd try sex out just to see what it's like and "helicopter" and "pee on everything" and all the other weird answers I used to get when I heard that scenario proposed. Me, actually having experienced - but no longer really being able to remember - how much the reality sucked. It's like... It's like, the idea of "sex on the beach", vs the reality of it, you know? The idea of being a member of the opposite sex - now meaning being a man now that I am a woman - has a romance to it now that it never had, now that I have some distance. I would never, ever, in a million years go back to the way things were, knowing what I know now. Every time I'm in a situation where I can't take my estrogen or something else happens to cause a temporary backslide, all sorts of all to familiar feelings are right there. But the fact that I can entertain this idea, the way a cis person would. I think it's really wonderful that I was able to reach this place. And I hope you can too. That's what being a woman is to me.
That's the point of this thread. I'm asking what's working for others to remedy the sense of confusion. Maybe I'm trying too hard... I feel like I should identify with being female, because there are so many people who are just like me but identify as female. I want to see if their ways work for me too. I feel completely comfortable with myself, but my problem is inside my head. My problem is entirely semantic. I'm... whatever. I'm post transition? I did lots of things about my gender without ever questioning my identity. I aimed for agender and slid to kinda male. When I started looking at least marginally confusing, everyone went that I'm a man. I didn't really resist, because whatever and I liked it. Let it be. And then I started liking dresses and make-up all of a sudden. I like to do that every once in a while, for a kick. But I can't hold it for a month, I tried and went completely crazy. So yes, this reassures me I'm transitioned, actually, Jess ---------- Post added 15th May 2016 at 02:13 PM ---------- It's not something that comes from the outside. The outside is completely fine. It's in my own head.
