Temporarily Passing as your biological sex after transition.

The only experience I have with this is with my grandma. I never told her I was transitioning. By the time I was looking female she didn't even really think I was, she called me my old name with male pronouns. It was definitely very stressful/sad every time I would see her though because the pronouns and name by that point were pretty uncomfortable. It made me sort of dislike going to see her even though we had a great relationship when I was growing up.

 

It depends on your grandparents and what transitioning means to you, but it can be troublesome to hide. My paternal grandparents are so conservative that don't notice this tenor and all sort of elephant in the room hints. They are happy with what they think and I don't bother them. But my other granddad stared at me wierd and asked me in front of my parents when I'm going to get myself a boyfriend instead of my "best friend" - who is really my best friend, nothing romantic, we're just close, but he thought we are a couple and I'm lesbian. And my mom had to clear up that I'm actually not. He didn't seem to believe, and then looked at me scanning head to toe, and then on always invites me to man talk with cigarettes on the balcony So... it really depends. I never did anything medical. I even come to him dressed feminine all the time.

I think that hormones make you pass more and in the case of trans women and drag queens, masculine features are balanced off by feminine behaviour, but if you suddenly start behaving more feminine than you did, it might cause suspicion. Otherwise, if you look masculine and behave masculine ( which you probably do if you are a man), that gives a masculine impression, and that might cause suspicion. Again.

 

I can't think of anyone left in my life I would need to do that for, not that I would anyways. I've come out to everyone important in my life and all the new people I meet just know me as female. So I think at this point in the game it wouldn't ever happen. Even if I got in contact with an old friend I would just tell them I transitioned. It's more comfortable to me to be myself around people instead of living an old lie that I loved for years. Why go back when I'm free?

 

It kinda depends on how drastically you change on hormones, which can't be predicted. If your voice doesn't go too low and your facial hair isn't obvious, you might be able to get away with talking kinda high and pretending you've got a cold making your voice sound funny. If you get a really low voice and some really obvious stubble, you're much less likely to pull it off because the change will be so much more obvious.

Btw, being scared of judgement and confrontation isn't necessarily a reason to never transition. It's just a reason to learn to be more comfortable with judgement and confrontation.

 

I feel like I *maybe* could have gotten away with this for a year on HRT, if I found a way to explain away the voice changes. Now however, eight years in and post all surgeries, I don't think there's a chance in hell I could convince anyone I was still living as a woman.

Also, remember that it would involve not just downplaying/hiding the physical changes of transitioning, but changing the details of your entire life. If I told my grandparents I was still a woman, I would also have to tell them that my LTR with a man is heterosexual (and getting my boyfriend to pass as straight would be even more difficult than me passing as a woman!), I would have to lie about what I do for a living (I work for a trans rights non-profit), and lie about gendered extra curricular activities like sports participation. If we went out to dinner in public, I'd have to use the women's room and try to pass as a lady to everyone. Plus, I'd have to get everyone else in on the charade - asking my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc to go back to using a female name and pronouns for me whenever my grandparents are around just after getting them all used to using my preferred name and pronouns!

All in all, even if I thought it was possible, it sounds like a completely stressful nightmare to try to hide transition from anyone. Personally, it would also fill me with a lot of shame. In my experience, it's always much easier to stay true to yourself and let everyone else have their reactions as they will. As Mama Ru always says, what other people think of me is none of my goddamn business!

 

There has only been one person that I was able to do this with. That was my blind and almost deaf grandpa. I didn't see him very often because of strained family relations, so I just never told him. It was very stressful to be around him to, because I felt like I was going back in time to when I was female. That was very odd to me.

Other than him, the rest of my family figured out things pretty quickly. A lot of the changes on T are pretty obvious, so there is not much that you can do to hide them.

 

I know I'm pre-hrt, but I will comment anyway.

My grandparents are conservative Catholics (yiiiiikes) but I still want to come out to them. I plan to do it.

There is no telling how the hrt would change you. Trans women try to change the voice permanently, not for few days a year. Dunno if you could do that. Your mannerism won't be the same on T, what I get from other trans guys.

As a person who is socially out and functions as a guy, I find it more troublesome to not tell my family, which is in the whole conservative, just because I'm pretending in front of them to be a woman. I know I'm pretending, and I feel bad in my own eyes for lying straight up to them. I thought I would be able to dodge the subject until I start hrt, but nope.

My pride as a man is hurting.

The first time when I went to the hairdresser, I asked for the unisex cut, for me & my family to adjust. The next time, I went and showed a photo of a male cut. I got it. The next time I said I want it really short and a clearly male cut. I got it. From the cis/het lady. All the while being addressed "ma'am". No strange comments. Sure, I was scared how would she react, etc. Got not a problem.

You don't have to explain anybody who you are. I wasn't explaining it lately, I was just using my name and male forms and was correcting others, if needed. They adjusted.

You can find your own way to transition and go as fast as you want. There will be a time during the transition when they will start noticing. And maybe ask questions.

Good luck.