Question about When You're on HRT but don't Pass

That's my plan... My first endocrinologist appointment is next week (OMG!!!) and I'm going to do the baggy shirt, tight sports bra once it starts being an issue. My tailored suits may become a problem. #firstworldproblems

I have to time my public transition carefully since I'm lawyer - the name change, firm name change, bar association membership, etc. so I'm waiting to pull the trigger on all that until I feel comfortable going full-time.

 

Em, Ihadn't even thought about what it would be like to have to change things with the professional associations. I mean, I'm a social worker, so you would hope the social work boards would be nice, but, damn, that's a whole nother can of worms Ihadn't thought about.

I hope the judges you work with most aren't, like, judgy like that.

Invidia, Ialso hadn't considered the in between phase too much. Imean, I've seen people's transition videos where they take a picture every day, and that's always really cool.

My best friend had a roommate who was going through a MtF transition. She tells an interesting story about the cat. The cat really does not like men but is generally cool with women. Pre transition, the cat hated the roommate. There was this gray zone in the middle where the cat started approaching her more. After she had kind of a softer look, that wild cat decided to sit in her lap. Pet passing. Wonder if that's a thing.

Good luck finding your answers.

 

When I was in this weird in-between phase (shorter hair, budding breasts, etc) I sort of played it out that way. I bought clothes that weren't quite female and weren't quite as masculine, v-necks and white pants, clothes like that. I sort of lived out that middle in-between stage of my transition instead of trying to hide it by coming across as male. I think it helped me prepare for when I started always presenting as female. It was sometimes a blessing in disguise. I may not have been seen as female but everyone was too scared to call me sir as they couldn't tell my gender, that really saved me from some dysphoria.

Of course there were the stares, comments and judgements from strangers (I don't know if those ever go away) but I think that stage of my transition helped me build up some thicker skin against the insults/comments of others. It happened a lot more at that point in my transition, I sort of learned how to brush it off, at least I can sort of handle it now when before it'd have me in tears. To this day I still get rude things thrown my way even though all the people I know tell me I pass, although it seems to only be when I'm alone. I try to only go out when I have someone with me these days.

Anywho, it's a pretty tough decision to make. Hiding can be easier but it could trap you mentally. HRT is awesome and to have to hide everything when it feels like progress is being made can be very hard.

The exact same thin happened to me with my hairdressers cat! it hates men and it would approach me after my transition. The first time that happens and she told me the cat doesn't really like men, I was pretty happy about myself.

 

I've been on HRT for a bit over a year, and currently look 'in-between'. I have narrow hips, broad shoulders, a masculine jaw, and a masculine brow, but I also have very clear, feminine skin, beautiful shoulder-length hair, and my breasts are finally noticeable (although very small). People react to me differently now. They're nowhere near as quick to call me 'sir' as they used to be. People also talk to me much more, and I now get stared at sometimes.

I'm not sure if this is because of HRT, my hair, my clothes, my makeup, or my body language.

It might just be because of my great medications, but it's not as stressful or scary as I thought it would be. I still feel unsafe and invalidated, though. It's not pleasant for me to not pass.

Clothes do have an effect on how people see you. When I wear masculine clothes (which is pretty often- I like it), people don't stare at me as much. I'm not sure how people see me, because I don't ask people how they see me. I don't get called 'sir' often anymore, so I know there's a difference in how people see me. I assume this difference is people usually recognizing that I'm not someone they should call 'sir'. Maybe some people see me as female, but I know some perceive me differently, either as a weird looking woman, or a very feminine and pretty man, or someone that doesn't look like either.

I find it's most satisfying to balance my desire to look feminine with my fear of being seen as a target. If I wear dresses or skirts, I'm more likely to get stared at. If I wear masculine clothes, I'm missing an opportunity to look more feminine. I do like masculine clothes, but it hurts knowing it makes people more likely to perceive me as male.

I'm getting FFS soon. I hope I'll pass. Even if I don't, it will bring me closer to my ideal body and look, and further away from what I don't want. I think I'll get stared at less often, and feel less vulnerable. It will be great no matter what.