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Something I worry about

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Matto_Corvo, May 16, 2016.

  1. Matto_Corvo

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    I'm pretty awkward as a girl, but I am use to being awkward as a girl. I'm worry that while I transition, and afterwards as well, I will still feel awakrd. Maybe even more so than now. I wouldn't be use to being viewed as male.
    I'm not sure if I'm making sense at all.
    Just something I worry bout. Guess this is why asking to go by male pronouns before hand, and by male name, is so important.
     
  2. Aberrance

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    I understand this. You feel uncomfortable and awkward as female but that's comfortable to you because you know where you stand. Unfortunately we get no manual on how to be a guy, do's and donts and this means that for a while things are likely to be awkward. The thing to keep in mind is that you're going to be more comfortable with yourself, your body and your social role being perceived as a guy and you're young, you can still learn how to act and the right things to do.

    I've been feeling a lot like that having somewhat recently come out to everyone because I still feel like I'm being viewed as female even if people are using the right name/pronouns. I don't think I'm ever really going to feel non-awkward and completely comfortable in myself until I get on hormones unfortunately because I don't believe prop are going to view me the way I feel about myself.

    In the end you can't think about how you'll be around others. The most important factor is being comfortable in yourself and your identity. Everything else will come when you start to get to know yourself better.
     
  3. Matto_Corvo

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    I guess the fact that I don't have any social dysphoria makes it all the worse for me. I still constantly misgender myself. Still find myself saying "you go girl!" When something good happens.

    But I try to trust that after a bit of an awkward stage in the beginning I will adjust to my new male social role and pronouns. View it as though awkward high school days.
     
  4. Rickystarr

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    Lol I get so irritated if someone says you go girl. But gay guys say that shit all the time and people say it to them. Just think of it as your gay man talking.
     
  5. Alder

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    I could've written these words myself. I often have the same worries. Not sure how to phrase it well either, but I just want to say that you're not alone in this.

    Anyways, apart from that, I completely second Isaac's post/thoughts on this.
     
    #5 Alder, May 17, 2016
    Last edited: May 17, 2016
  6. Matto_Corvo

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    Its also the fact that when entering the room I seek out a spot by the females and not the males. But, like all of you have said, this might be something a long the lines that I have grown comfortable around females and how we interact with one another.

    And as Rickystarr said, in a way it probably is like how some gay men hang out with primarily females.

    and, just going off on a bit of a ramble here, isn't funny how if I'm talking about myself as a gay male I honestly feel like a gay male. Its like "yup that's me."
    But then when around anyone else and having to be a girl I'm "girlish". Wouldn't exactly say I'm a girl, but in that moment I'm not really a male either. I think about how I wish I could feel like a male all the time, but around others the default girl programming that has built over the years just sort of falls into place. I just want to smash it and take on the gay male, but then to others there wouldn't be a change because they would just view me as female still in till I have changed my physical appearance.
     
  7. Rickystarr

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    I prefer to be around women too though I think I would be more comfortable hanging out with guys than I am now when I can be recognized as male. One of the things that makes me dysphoric is when a straight guy is attracted to me. In my mind they shouldn't be because I am male inside, plus I dress as male. But I still have female parts and straight guys want to screw anything with a vagina. >.< I tend to get along really well with guys, and I'll think everything is fine, and then they'll make some weird comment and it ruins it. I don't think this is just a lesbian thing because my fiancee is flattered if a guy is attracted her, and I've mentioned how I don't like it, and she finds that baffling. But she is hyper feminine and a little vain.

    But yeah, I wouldn't worry about how you act when you are around certain people. That is societal programming and just by being seen as female, your behavior is written off as female. I'm sure you'll be more comfortable acting how you feel when you appear more male. I would sometimes try to regulate my behavior so I didn't seem overly masculine so it wouldn't look like I was trying to be male. My biggest wish is that I could just walk around with my hairy legs and armpits showing, or actually wear a tie to a formal event, or get a male haircut (not a female short haircut) and people wouldn't look at me and say I'm trying to be a guy but they would just say well yeah he's a guy.