Hey all, I'm a pre-transition MtF with a lot of dysphoria, and I personally feel very bad about my male parts; I hate seeing, touching, talking or being reminded about, or in any other way being involved with the parts that I was born with below. It just doesn't agree with my mind's internal body map...or otherwise, how I feel my body should be. Even about testosterone I feel as poison, ever since puberty, when my body started doing things I simply couldn't understand, my mind is awaiting and expecting female developments ever since, which never happened, but instead characteristics developed that I couldn't make myself familiar with ever since. Every now and then, my bottom junk gets spotaneously excited, and I almost religiously avoid responding to it, trying to occupy myself with something else until it becomes totally unbearable. Since I try avoiding discharges (in casual terms, masturbating) like the hottest of fire, because it elevates my already strong dysphoria a thousand times worse, I regularly experience what feels like surges of testosterone, when my body feels as if having a mind of its own. I really hope hormones will someday help cutting back on those spotaenous urges, but I really wish to know, has any other trans person here ever felt similar to that, or am I really way overboard with how I feel about this? P.S. If this post is in the wrong section then my apologies!
I'm sorry to hear that. I am also pretransition so I don't really have any wisdom, but here is what I know: I have also avoided masturbation the more dysphoric I've become even though I was once a masturbation machine. I also haven't wanted to have sex with my fiancee. But I must say, I think not allowing myself release is actually making me more depressed/stressed out. Maybe we should both find a way to allow ourselves release without worsening dysphoria. >.< try not looking down and pretending what you want is down there maybe?
In a sense, this feels contradictory -- by the time I usually end up giving in, the urge to release becomes so surging that it actually feels just as dysphoric to keep fighting it than to let it happen and hopefully have a few days of peace and quiet... Maybe we should, after all ^^ Tbh, pretending to feel a different shape is not too easy when you're already badly dysphoric to begin with...
I totally understand. My logic is just coming from the fact that it is not fun to hold in your urges and orgasms create release dopamine and stuff and can help fight depression a little. Not that I can really talk since I haven't masturbated in like a week and before I started having dysphoria I would do it everyday if no one is around. ---------- Post added 16th May 2016 at 10:00 PM ---------- Course that makes sense that dysphoria would have a negative effect on your sex drive, but I had no idea to what extent when it gets really bad.
