I know I said I was leaving but since I can never keep a promise, I'm back. While my mother isn't hateful to the trans community she really has no effin' idea about anything trans related. Basically, her view of trans people is so, so hyper-stereotypical. I've tried reasoning and telling her that there's variety but she just downplayed it as "the media" (oh boy...) making being trans seem more broad/varied (I don't recall her exact words there). So I've already given up on the far-fetched idea that I'll be transitioning anytime soon and wont give myself illusions of hope for something like that happening. But I get so damn scared when I think about waiting a few more years. I know I said I liked to think of my male body as a fictional character that wasn't me and managed to have fun that way but that was when I was still under the naive impression that I would be able to start hrt in about a year at most (total fiction tbh). Now that I know that I'll have to wait five or so years to actually go on hrt, I'm suddenly horrified especially when I see pictures of older guys. I even have thoughts about non-fatal self-harming now (don't worry, I'm too afraid of death to kill myself). This following bit may offend some people but that really is not my intent. Sometimes I think of not transitioning at all out of fear of not passing. At what point does it become difficult to pass with only hrt and no surgeries? (sorry if this offended anybody, it wasn't my intent)
I mean I started hrt about 3 years ago and I'm always told I pass, I've had no surgeries. So I'd say it's definitely possible, I never thought I could pass either. Perhaps you could find some sort of parent support group for your mom to go to? I went with my father and step mom to one over the summer I came out. It really helped them understand things a lot better, before that they were both very uninformed about a lot of things and really worried about me. After the group sessions with other parents and counsellors
Most trans people don't start HRT until their late teens or early twenties. This is quite common. And these people often pass very well. There may still be hope for your parents to see your side and support you. One really good way is to request to see a gender therapist for this - explain that it is a genuine need. Hopefully they believe you and get you one. After you talk to the therapist, provided you get a good one, you can ask the therapist to sit down with your parents and you and they can help explain it to them. Most of the time, stubborn or dismissive parents will be won over by an "expert" telling them it is indeed as you have said. And this is one step closer to parental support. Chances are, you parents want only what is best for you. If you can show them that this is what is best for you, they will come around eventually. I know it's hard to wait, but you are only fourteen and you have time. It is not too late for you. Some transwomen don't start HRT until their thirties or later, and they are fine. You have made huge progress already by accepting yourself as trans at such a young age. You will get there. Be patient and don't lose hope. Work on what you can - even if it's something very small (like growing your hair out long, shaving, buying makeup if you can, anything that makes you feel better).
You'd be surprised; estrogen is basically a wonder drug. You can also help it out with some extra work like exercising, learning how to do magic with makeup, training your voice and giving yourself a nice feminine body language. Honestly, you could most likely pass without HRT if you did all the things I just mentioned.
