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Just knowing

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mihael, May 19, 2016.

  1. Mihael

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    Just curious: any people who feel like a different gender than assigned at birth but don't transition, and just... get on with their life and feel better just knowing?
     
  2. iamjustababy

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  3. Poison

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    I personally feel the need to alter my body to match my inner sense of self. I am not out to most people, but I plan to start transitioning this summer. For me, staying the way I am now is'nt an option. But if someone decides not to transition, I can understand and respect that, because everyone should decide things like that for themselves :slight_smile:
     
  4. JustJJx

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    I don't feel like i would want to start hormones or undergo any surgeries to be honest. My journey is accepting the body i have and figuring out who i am, i'm doing well in this journey, new clothes, great friends and ally's etc etc
    Just knowing and loving myself is all i need :slight_smile:
     
  5. Synesthesia

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    I don't plan to transition right now at least. I still feel weird about my body a lot of the time, and often wish it was more androgynous since it is very feminine, but I don't feel there's much I can do about a lot of it anyway.. My height is fixed and I don't want to have surgery. Not keen on the idea of going on t either for health reasons and I'd only want a slightly masculinised face I think? I'm quite socially isolated right now too so this factors in a bit.. When I'm alone, I can just be me without all the noise and the way I just become a chameleon with varying masks I'm not fond of on autopilot.

    When I hear comments like 'you can't be a man without transitioning' or you can't be 'x without transitioning' 'why are you non-binary if you just look like a woman?' it makes me feel bad though. I actually get like anxiety when I think about the possibility of my maleness being invalidated and it often is in certain areas of the internet, and with my family though in their case they just don't understand. Then I think... If I don't do anything or I don't feel an extreme need that overpowers my hangups to do something to appear more masculine, and if I'm not 100% sure if I want a penis or not, does this just negate the maleness entirely?

    And even though I am non-binary the idea that I'd be seen as less of a man also bothers me. I don't get that with being seen as less of a woman I don't think... But I do identify as female as well I'm a mix of both. I'd probably be in an opposite situation if I was maab.

    And then I compare myself to guys all the time these days because I'm quite a feminine person anyway overall in a stereotypical sense (or maybe it's my insecurity that leads me to think that, I don't think I can be objective,) and I think about how my ideal male presentation would be quite androgynous anyway. I won't say girly or anything but I'd want long hair, I'm into alternative clothing anyway and I don't wear makeup now because I can't be bothered and don't want to look more feminine, but I might be more inclined to experiment with like weird/alternative stuff now and then if I had a male body. Based on the kind of guys who's appearance I admire.

    And I know that none of the above makes a man less of a man, wouldn't say that to a man but I guess because I'm non-binary there's always extra pressure to reinforce the elements of my identity that often aren't physically obvious (the odd comment about my body language being masculine occasionally aside.)

    I'm not really out though properly and my identity is kind of a mess like it's difficult to navigate when you feel like a woman and a man because there's an internal struggle in the first place but I feel relieved in the moments when I can think 'no matter what I'm still a man that is a part of my identity.' It bothers me I think, that I can't identify as one or the other without being disingenuous. It seems like at best as a non-binary person people will think of me as neither. But really... That isn't me either.
     
    #5 Synesthesia, May 19, 2016
    Last edited: May 19, 2016
  6. Irisviel

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    I'm sorry if I seem a bit patronising here, but... watching your posts, aren't you just constantly looking for reasons to justify not transitioning out of fear of transitioning, while you would actually, secretly want to?
     
  7. Mihael

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  8. Mihael

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    I'm sorry but I don't know what you're talking about. Our ways of thinking must not line up.

    I just feel bothered with the community. It actually very much bothers me to take testosterone, because I love my body. I feel like a man. And I love my female body. I genuinely do. The more I come to terms with who I am and peel off false imposed perceptions of who I am and expectations, the more I truly see myself, the more I love my body. Some people may think it's inappropriate or that it makes me not really a man. And probably some flame will be directed at me right now for being "deceptive". Not trans enough. Or probably some people would not understand and think I'm doing harm to myself - but if we think logically: that's just a stereotype of what kind of person I'm more likely to be based on who people with female bodies usually are. They will think of me false. Well, honestly, being falsely stereotyped is a thing... that happens. Probably quite often. For some people transitioning might be a good solution, why not? But bodies don't dictate who we are, and doing something for how others see you is not a good thing, especially something as major as transitioning.

    ---------- Post added 20th May 2016 at 04:05 AM ----------

    And to the rest: thank you, it's good to know I'm not alone :slight_smile:
    (&&&)
     
    #8 Mihael, May 20, 2016
    Last edited: May 20, 2016
  9. JustJJx

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    Never alone buddy! It's amazing that you have such a good outlook and have accepted your body *huugs* the moment i accepted my body shape and type, i started to feel better :grin:
     
  10. Mihael

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    You know what? Do I live in a cave or what? Maybe I was raised without norms which is total outer space for you all, folks?

    I pretty much feel like a cisgender man who gets a kick out of crossdressing as a woman, leads a normal male life, with beer and football, and machines, and buddies, and who is gay and wishes he was a woman in order to appeal to men more. Ugh, how stupid I was. That is so obvious, i fell in love madly with this guy who freaked out when he got to know that I behave like a dude. Ugh. I need to stop this insanity. That's not the first time. I did that before already and it ruined the relationship. Why the heck do I repeat it? Why is the impulse so strong?