Hello, I know since last year, that my gender identity has to be male. I feel male at my core, but I doubt it so much. Even a pro and con list about me being possibly FtM, which has a lot of pros and three cons/doubts speaking against it doesn't help me. I didn't knew about being trans as a child, and I feel as if I'm trying to convince myself of something I may not be. My dysphoria is mostly about my breasts and my voice, and I experience a ton of social dysphoria. But it wasn't always like this, only since I realized being trans might be who I am. I envy males for almost everything, but mostly for their bodies. My brain says that I am a trans male, but my heart thinks I'm probably just faking it. I don't understand myself, but what I know for sure is that my gender is not fluid, and that the term "tomboy" does not fit me. Has someone experienced things like that or can help me otherwise? Thank you for every reply, it is also my first post at EC and the first I wrote in English
Not everyone knows since they were a kid, it is completely fine. Also, listening to your heart is pretty hard to do because it's so deep within yourself and it can be kind of blurred. I'd say to hold your beliefs lightly until you are more sure, but don't let the doubts stop you from being who you are. I think it's pretty accurate to assume that every trans person has at least some doubts at some point in their life about whether what they are doing is right. I've been coming to terms with my gender for about 2 years now. At the start I was completely unsure and flipping between all the possibilities and it was very stressful. But as time went on I became more relaxed about it wich let me think more clearly and now I have a lot less doubts. Just give yourself time and things will shuffle themselves out. Well done on the English, by the way
It's totally okay to experience your gender in new ways as you get older, or to not have realized you're trans until recently. We construct the way we view ourselves based on the information we have, everyone does this. It's okay. There's no key timeframe to be valid as a trans person. I know personally, my dysphoria also really skyrocketed when I first started identifying as trans. For me, I think it was because I suddenly had a ton of expectations not only by the outside world, but also by other trans people, of how to be 'really trans'. But like Jaska said, over time everything sort of chilled out for me too. I've been out as trans or 8(ish) years. Everything's basically a non-issue now. I think most people have a hard time dealing with everything at first. It's a lot of information, a lot of expectations and a lot of stigma all wrapped into one word. It takes time to work through everything and really work on being comfortable, but you can do it. And we're all here to help!
And what do you envy except for body...? You can for sure do that asap. We have gender equality and if anyone denies you anything because of your sex - sue them for sexism. I'm serious. Unless what you want to do is disrespctful to someone, of course. Wait, why do you say your heart thinks you're not? And brain yes? Then you think you are FtM but don't feel FtM? So what do you feel? What do you want? Why does "tomboy" doesn't fit? Is that about your expression? Are you worried you're trans because you like certain things, or do certain thigs? You don't want to be trans? You're afraid to confront expectations placed on you? It's possible that our wordings are incompatible, but in my opinion, follow your heart and everything will be fine. The heart is always right. Also, English becomes your second nature gradually, don't worry, probably half of people on here are not natives, me included.
To clarify some things: I just fear the possibility of taking the wrong path. I know it's normal to have doubts and also that not every experience is the same, but I can't really relate to other peoples feelings of being trans. I feel trans, but the fear of any possible regret is crushing me. I am not openly out to most people and not very social either, so transitioning might be difficult. My original plan was to start with a haircut in the holidays, but I can't stand thinking about the reactions of the others. All in all I think that after some time passed, I will be more certain, as some people already said. And writing down the things that bother me does make me feel a lot better.
Just to put it into perspective for you I struggled for years to figure out what I am. Only at 32 did I admit it to myself internally. The day I knew it in my heart I struggled to say it audibly for 10 minutes. I literally choked up every time I tried to say "I'm transgender". I even had the tv up loud so no one could hear me say it even though my friends live through at least 3 walls on the other side of the house. Self discovery is one of the hardest parts.
I too have serious doubts. Nothing specifically, but I'm terrified of finally coming out and changing my mind later. I just want to be super sure I'm positive before doing anything drastic. As for dysphoria increasing with knowledge of being trans, I kinda feel the opposite. I've stopped feeling so dysphoric now that I understand why and know there is a way to fix it. However my depression has just gotten worse now that I know I have such a difficult road ahead of me and I worry I'll chicken out and have to be unhappy forever.
I thought my dysphoria had gotten better, but really I had just been avoiding looking at myself because I knew it would make me feel bad. Now that my dysphoria can't get me in the old ways it keeps finding new ways to get me. Certainly everyone is different though.
