So, I've always been a tomboy. Always preferred boy's clothing and playing with the boys. I snuck into flag football as a child and refused to wear a dress. When I was 20, I started questioning if I was really a woman. I felt more like I should be a man and I still felt more comfortable in men's clothes even if I found women's clothes to be cute. A few years passed and I'm back to square one. I've been having lots of dreams where I'm a man named Ace. I have dreams of having sex as a man and when I wake up and don't have a penis I feel extremely confused. When I see my chest, I feel upset and feel that I should be flat. My mom tells me that if I was transgendered, why didn't I know I was a boy when I was a kid. Why didn't I ever mention it before now. My grandma thinks it might be in my head because I'm a writer and have vivid dreams. Or she thinks that I'm reincarnated from a boy and that's why I have dreams of Ace, of me. What do you all think? I'm so confused. I feel that I should be Ace, I'm Ace but I don't know anymore. I don't know anything and its making me anxious and upset. Please help!
Don't listen to anyone else, you know yourself the best. It's hard to think and work things out when you're upset and anxious so id say just concentrate on getting into a better head space right now. What things help you relax?
you're right. I need to calm down before making any decisions and not let myself think so hard right now. I know myself best and in my mind, I am Ace. I typically cross stitch to calm myself down. I want to decorate my kid's rooms(when I adopt them) with my cross stitching to show them that I've been wanting them since I first started cross stitching. Thank you for getting me to calm down a bit. I appreciate it.
Just my thoughts-- not everyone knows since they were a kid, in fact I hear more people say they only knew during puberty or only figured it out as an adult. This was the case for me; I only realized something was wrong during puberty. Even at that time I did not know enough to say I was transgender, or even to really articulate my desire to have a boy's body. I've seen people in their 20s or much older who only then start to figure it out. If this is the case for you, of course you wouldnt have mentioned it before now-- you didnt know! Or like me, you may not have mentioned it due to being ashamed, fear of parents reactions, or wanting to be sure. In short I think your mother is a bit misguided as there are many trans people who do not know as a child and do not mention it to their parents. And IMO what you describe sounds more like dysphoria to me than some kind of dream or memory. I cant tell you if you are trans or not; as jaska said, you know yourself best... I do think it would help you to spend some time thinking about it, I found it helpful to write down my thoughts for later so that when I am calmed down I can take another look. Good luck!
