pulled in opposing directions by my identity

Hi, my name is Maya. I'm an Eastern Orthodox Christian, and M2F Transgender teenage girl. Being LGBT and a Christian is hard. Being Trans and Orthodox is especially hard. To me, no church is a substitute to the Holy Orthodox Church, but I live with the knowledge that I will never be able to transition as long as I stay . . . to transition would mean to be cut off from communion, and possibly other sacraments. In a worst case scenario transition could lead to excommunication. I cry because I cannot transition and stay, but being Orthodox is equally a part of who I am . . . my gender and my religion are a part of me in equal measure, and I feel like they are at war within me, pulling me in seperate directions . . .

I just don't know how to be true to both parts of my identity . . .

 

My priest is aware of my gender identity, and he even feels sorry for me. He does his best to be accommodating, and im allowed to present female outside of church. Ill never be able to physically transition or present female at church though. Honestly Father Mark said he believes I should be able to transition, but his hands are tied by the church policy. If your kicked out of one eastern orthodox church your kicked out of them all. We're like the catholics (actually we're not) in that we are a massive church, all under one government with different administrative districts, with the patriarch as equivlent to the pope. So my priest wants to help me, but his hands are tied.