I've had this dreadful feeling the past few days of "I won't ever be able to be fully out of the closet, no one will ever take me seriously if I am." And I don't know how to talk myself out of it. I feel like I'm being unreasonable in wanting to have my whole self acknowledged and appreciated. It's like..... Being genderfluid... Isn't that "too much"? Other people often seem to put it into the category with the people who identify as animals or objects. Is there ever going to be a time where it's just natural to be this publically? Will it save me more pain to just not talk about it around anyone else and maintain a DADT situation? All I want is to have my gender just be normal, matter of fact, no big deal, and just understood as a part of me. Important, but not a point of contention or something that'll make people mock me. I get scared they may already mock me behind my back sometimes, in regards to the more judgemental people I'm out to. How do I regain hope when I've lost it?
I'm not sure if this will make you more or less hopeful, but going by past ''coming out'' (gay, trans) it'll take maybe about 20-40 years. The sooner we come out, the sooner we can fight for our rights and then the sooner kids in 20-40 years time will be accepted straight away (like most gay people, in the uk). Is there a new job you're about to take upon, moving towns or any other new life stage that separates you enough from the old to come out? For me, that's university. Taking a gap year and getting a job, so will be able to get a binder before university and hopefully make myself known as Mx. at my (hopeful) teaching assistant position overseas. At university, I'll ask people their preferred pronouns, I might be helping somebody else, and if not I can tell them why I'm asking them. Anyway, something like that, to be able to come out to new people, and that practice (where it won't matter so much if they don't like you as you don't really know them anyway) with coming out might make you more confident and have more hope with the old people. Hope this helps.
I only came out as gay 10 years ago and that's already settled. That's good, I guess, that means the people around me are pretty tolerant. I'm mostly concerned that I'll never be taken seriously or respected at work/school or among strangers. When I came out as gay, a lot of people were less than thrilled, but no one was laughing at me. I really don't want to be a joke.
