I have been very confused on my gender lately. I don't think I'm ftm trans but I definitely don't feel like I'm cis female. I feel like I might be both a girl and a boy, or that I could be seen as both by others. :help: I do not feel very dysphoric with my body, I like it. It doesn't really look all that feminine, it's more androgynous appearing, which I think is why I don't have problems with it. However that isn't to say I never get feelings of dysphoria. Sometimes I wish I could have a flatter chest so I could be perceived as more masculine/androgynous like I want to, but other than that it doesn't bother me. (My chest isn't too big.) Then sometimes I go into these moments where everything about me feels feminine and I don't like it, I feel like no matter what I do there's nothing I can do to be seen in a more androgynous/masculine way. If I already have an androgynous body and I still get seen as only a girl, then what am I supposed to do about it? I wouldn't mind a flatter chest, slightly deeper voice and less curves. I kinda crave it almost, sometimes. But at the same time I don't need it. I don't want to fully transition to male. I don't want a very masculine body- I don't like big muscles, lots of hair, or male genitalia. But I wouldn't want a very feminine body either. As for pronouns, I like both. Female pronouns feel fine. They're okay. However, sometimes when I get called a young lady, or ma'am, etc, it kinda feels silly, like a joke. I don't think female pronouns really describe me, but they don't make me feel necessarily uncomfortable either. They're just words, and I don't really care about them. I'm hardly attached to it. Then there's male pronouns. Male pronouns make me feel awesome. "He", "him", "boy", "son", "young man" feel like they suit me so much, to the point they even feel better than female pronouns. Masculinity fits me better than femininity. They make me feel really connected with myself. I love it. But sometimes I kinda alternate between which feels best on me, depending on how I'm feeling at that moment. Sometimes male pronouns are better, sometimes female pronouns. But I never feel uncomfortable with either, whatever I'm preferring that moment. Some days I can also feel more feminine or more masculine. Somedays I just don't care. But although I don't feel uncomfortable with either, what does make me uncomfortable is people insisting I'm a girl, only a girl, and nothing else besides that. I hate it when people say "Your'e a GIRL. NOT a BOY." or anything among the lines. Like I said, being referred to as girl doesn't feel uncomfortable, but when people insist that's the only gender I can be it makes me very frustrated, because honest to God I hardly feel like one. They kind of mean it in a way to say that the masculine part of me is just me being a tomboy and it's not a real part of how I see myself. That can kinda hurt. I don't feel like I can fully be myself under the label "fully female and nothing flippin' else." I find myself wanting to shop for masculine clothing instead of feminine clothing. In fact I don't like feminine clothing at all, unless it's androgynous. I try on clothes from the boy's side of the store and it looks downright awesome on me, I feel so much like myself. Wearing female clothes is kinda uncomfortable. Frilly stuff is gross. Dresses are gross. General "CUTE" clothes and "girl" clothes make me feel embarrassed or awkward wearing them. That's not me, that's not how I want to present. I full on try to fight back when people insist on me wearing feminine clothing, even if it's a "special occasion." Well if it's a special occasion, I'd rather wear a suit and tie instead of a dress and makeup. I like to normally present as masculine, wearing androgynous clothing, acting smooth, and talking in a deeper voice, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have feminine traits either. While I said I didn't have a lot of dysphoria (or at least not intense), I do experience heavy gender euphoria. I feel so connected with myself at the thought of others seeing me as a boy. I crave it. I really want to be seen that way. Before I cut my hair, I wish it was shorter as it was too long and therefore girly. When I did cut it, I had this huge smile. I was so happy. I looked like a boy. I don't get "mistaken" for boy often. But once, when my dad's friend "mistook" me for his son, I felt so happy and jittery. I smiled and felt like jumping around, and felt a little more masculine that night. Unfortunately it never happened again, which disappoints me. I imagine myself in high school: People see me as a guy, they refer to me as a guy, I look like a guy, I have a masculine name, and I just want it so much. I guess whatever kind of dysphoria I have stems from feeling like I can never achieve this. I have a lot more to say, but that's all I can think of right now. I don't think I'm trans, because I don't want a completely male body, and I hardly have dysphoria. But I don't think I can be cis either- if I'm a girl, why does it feel amazing to be called a boy, and look like a boy? Why do I love it? Why do I crave it? Why does it feel so much like me? Where does it come from, feeling like a boy at heart? When I look in the mirror, I see a charming guy, despite the female body. If I'm comfortable with being both male ad female, does that make me bigender, or androgyne? I'm really worried this is just a phase. I see trans people equate being misgendered to feeling like they are being stabbed, which doesn't equate to what I'm feeling. What if this masculine part of my identity is just me being tomboy, or being unhappy with female gender roles, or otherwise unimportant? The confusion is killing me. Sometimes I wish I didn't need to have or know my gender identity, and just be a person.
Hey there, I relate a lot to what your saying, and I think I can give a bit of advice to you, so i'll break most of your worries into bullet points to make it easier!! - First off, you say that you don't get much dysphoria, and that's valid. I identify as a trans boy, but i'm still getting used to using the label to refer to myself, haha. I personally don't get much dysphoria other then a bit over my face, which honestly looks pretty androgynous to me so i'm confedent, but I do with for a bit more masculinity. Some trans people do not experience dysphoria at all, i'm not one of them, so I can't really say how that feeels, but maybe someone else on here can? If you want your chest to look smaller, you could try a binder (that is, if your in a safe space with people around you that won't get abusive if they notice you wearing it), but if you do, I suggest looking at binding safely online, not to use it for more then 8 hours a day, and never with ace banages!! But since you say that you have a flat chest already, you could just wear a sports bra?? They compress easily. - Secondly, your pronouns. You seem to not mind she/her or he/him, which I have felt in the past. I don't particually care when people call me she/her, cause though it doesn't feel right, I still present as female right now, so I understand why they do it. It doesnt really feel very painful when i'm misgendered, I suppose it's different depending on circumstances of different trans (or cis for that case, as cis people can be misgendered too at points). Alot of people who are demigender or bigender use both, and people who are trans but still in the gender binary, for whatever reason they have/want to. - Also, being told that you are the gender that you've been assigned at birth only, and nothing else. That is particually annoying, as everybody has the right to explore their gender, no matter what others think. I was told I was a girl before coming out to my parents, and it felt irratating and I didn't know why, maybe becasue I had spoken to them about my gender troubles before even coming out. - Next is your feelings on clothes. Gender expression and gender identity are two different things, so you could know a cis man who likes to wear dresses and make-up, or a trans woman who wears suits, who are both very comfortable in their indentity. I personally like frilly things and skirts, but not full on long dresses. I feel like wearing androgynous clothing most days, then more masc clothes, the feminine on occasion. this might be different for other trans and cis folk. Not liking femme clothing is jsut fine, and you can choose if it's a way of expressing your indentity or not!! - You also say that you want to be seen as aboy, which is a trait a lot of trans people have, including me. No matter what i'm wearing, or how people percieve me due to looks or how I expect them too, i'm always hopeful people will see me as a male. I t nice taht you've experienced gender euphoria that way, with your dads friend calling you his son. I've never been called male unless it's by people who know i'm trans. - I don't want a completely male body either, though in a different way. I'm unsure about the idea of testosterone, and I don't really experience dysphoria involving my private parts. But I can relate to the 'craving' as you call it. Gender is a very instintive, primal thing to me, and hard to explain to anybody, even other trans people can get confused by the way I talk about it!! - As for your actual gender, that's somethingg only you can figure out. You might be cis, you might not be. You might want to transition in the future, you might not. It's all your choice. When it comes to gender, there are no wrong ways to be the gender you feel, you just have to be wary of the reactions of others and stay safe. Some people who fit the bill to be trans may identify as cis for personal reasons too. - Whether or not this is a phase, it's how your feeling at this present moment. Your experience is valid. You are valid. You shouldn't rush in figuring these things out either, it's all very complicated haha. I also sugest you look up the term demiboy, and just other gender terms as well to see what fits!! Have a good day!!
I basically identify as bigender I think, though I'm very reluctant to pick a specific label lol so I just go by non-binary for now. I relate to this a lot especially: ^ For me personally I'd like to be taller because I'm so short (always have wanted to be taller,) and I go back/forth on male genitalia. But definitely don't want huge muscles or lots of hair. Not sure about my chest either, I kind of wish I had a button that made me flat chested but not always, I know I don't want surgery because it's so final. Unlike you I look very feminine physically, my presentation is mostly androgynous to compensate for that (and also because I usually prefer that anyway,) but I like having hair that is around shoulder length (maybe a bit shorter,) so that sucks I often wish I had a more androgynous face so I could make long hair work. ^ Yes, oh my god. I can't tell you how much that drives me insane. I don't let on usually. But man. You could be bigender or androgyne (honestly I get confused on the difference seems like androgyne is more fixed and bigender more fluid? I can't choose between them because I see some people say otherwise..) towards the end of your post you do sound significantly transmasculine at least, like the poster above suggested you might relate to demiboy?
"- First off, you say that you don't get much dysphoria, and that's valid. I identify as a trans boy, but i'm still getting used to using the label to refer to myself, haha. I personally don't get much dysphoria other then a bit over my face, which honestly looks pretty androgynous to me so i'm confedent, but I do with for a bit more masculinity. Some trans people do not experience dysphoria at all, i'm not one of them, so I can't really say how that feels, but maybe someone else on here can?" Phew, I hope that's normal. I see a lot of people say you need to have dysphoria to be trans or even nonbinary. "- Also, being told that you are the gender that you've been assigned at birth only, and nothing else. That is particually annoying, as everybody has the right to explore their gender, no matter what others think. I was told I was a girl before coming out to my parents, and it felt irratating and I didn't know why, maybe becasue I had spoken to them about my gender troubles before even coming out." Yeah, that's how it feels to me, irritating. - Next is your feelings on clothes. Gender expression and gender identity are two different things, so you could know a cis man who likes to wear dresses and make-up, or a trans woman who wears suits, who are both very comfortable in their identity." Agreed. "Not sure about my chest either, I kind of wish I had a button that made me flat chested but not always, I know I don't want surgery because it's so final." I relate to that a lot! I wish I could just have an on/off button, and I also agree with being uneasy with surgery. I don't really know if I would want a fully flat chest for 100% of the time cause I don't think I can ever know if something feels comfortable until I try it first. "You could be bigender or androgyne (honestly I get confused on the difference seems like androgyne is more fixed and bigender more fluid? I can't choose between them because I see some people say otherwise..) towards the end of your post you do sound significantly transmasculine at least, like the poster above suggested you might relate to demiboy?" I guess my gender feels fixed most of the time, but I guess I feel a little confused onto whether or not it's fluid. Sometimes I do feel more like a girl or a boy, but most of the time, it's in between. Demiboy is actually how I used to identify, until I got thrown into the doubt/questioning stage again. I assumed demiboys would probably experience slightly more dysphoria.
