I wasn't sure whether to put this in the sexuality forum or here but figured that since it related to hormones this was a better fit. I've been on T for a little under 48 hours. So not a lot of time for substantial changes (although I'd like to think my voice sounds deeper). But one thing I've noticed, along with being pretty, erm, wound up is that I'm having a really hard time with feeling attracted to women. I always have. It was never really as strong as my attraction to men but before T I could watch porn and read stories featuring women. Now, not really the case. And I don't know if it's the placebo effect or what but my attraction to men feels a little stronger/more visceral now? I've been questioning my sexuality for a long time. I've never had sex with a woman before, I could live happily just dating men for the rest of my life, but I always figured that since I'd been slightly attracted to women before that it meant I was bi. Except, I don't even know if I am or really ever was. I keep waffling between calling myself gay and sticking with calling myself bi. I've dated a woman before and I was attracted to her but she was also very masculine and I believe she actually came out as gender non-conforming long after we broke up. Some input would be much appreciated.
It's entirely possible that your sexuality could be changing (I've heard of people's preferences changing when they go on hormones, although it's not that common, and it doesn't seem like you've ever been completely sure you're even bi in the first place). Still, I don't think 48 hours is enough to really know. Just because you're bi doesn't mean you're attracted to all genders all the time. If you don't feel attraction to women for a couple days, it doesn't necessarily mean it's gone for ever. You might just be experiencing a temporary shift in preference. Give it some time to see whether or not it shifts back.
I think testosterone might make your attraction(s) more obvious, if anything. I'm not sure if 48 hours is long enough, either, but it would only be confirming what you know before, wouldn't it? You're like me: I'm physically attracted to a wider range of women than men, but if they're stereotypical feminine and submissive (usually straight), the emotional component just doesn't click. I tend to gravitate towards lesbians, bisexuals, genderqueers, etc. If you had to put it in percents, which way would you say you lean?
I'm bisexual and for me, swings of preference are rather normal. Confusing while I was trying to figure it out but you could say that if I'm not interested in a specific person, I might have periods of feeling almost straight or gay, sometimes I feel no preference. Maybe it's not hormones, just the normal bi- cycle as someone on this forum calls it. I don't know how testosterone works but 48h is a bit too soon to draw conclusions even if you feel weird now. Wait for some long term effects, a month maybe. For all I know, hormones and embracing your identity can let you see your sexuality more clearly and separate gender envy from attraction and so on. At least that's how I see it, I'm not on hormones but acceptance lets me see a different perspective.
Oh always towards men for sure. 90/10. When I was a kid, I never crushed on girls. Mentally, physically- attracted to men all the time whether cis or trans. I've tried to date women but I've just had a hard time imagining myself actually trying to have sex or have a mutually fulfilling relationship. But the weird thing is, I dated a woman in high school all all, publicly identified as lesbian since I hadn't come out... And I was attracted to my high school girlfriend, just remember wishing sometimes that when we broke up I could try being with s man, which I shied away from until I figured out I was a guy. And I've been questioning the bi thing for years. Because I really can't ever remember a time when I had a "bi cycle" where my attraction towards women was stronger for a while. I kinda get turned off/weirded out by the idea of boobs to be honest.
It doesn't sound like it is changing at all. I have a theory that some people go through adolescents knowing something about them is not quite normal so they assume they are gay or bi, but when they realize they are trans everything clicks and they realize that was the problem all along. Being "straight" just never seemed quite right, but then they realize they were gay all along, just not female. I hope so, because I have this irrational fear when I hear everyone talking about this that when I start T I will start being attracted to men. I am definitelt attracted to women now and if I was female I would consider myself like a 5 on the kinsey scale. So I guess a 2 as a man. But I have discovered if I was born male I would probably be a homophobic douchebag because being gay definitely rubs me the wrong way in regards to myself at least. Like it weirds me out if a guy is attracted to me and stuff, even/especially when they still see me as female, so I wonder if it would be different if I was seen as male. Perhaps it is a good thing I'm DFAB. My fiancee calls me "Tyler" when my douchiness starts showing. We have decided that is my DMAB alter ego and I would have probably car called women and wore a sideways hat and said "no homo" a lot. XD
It doesn't sound like it is changing at all. I have a theory that some people go through adolescents knowing something about them is not quite normal so they assume they are gay or bi, but when they realize they are trans everything clicks and they realize that was the problem all along. Being "straight" just never seemed quite right, but then they realize they were gay all along, just not female. I hope so, because I have this irrational fear when I hear everyone talking about this that when I start T I will start being attracted to men. I am definitelt attracted to women now and if I was female I would consider myself like a 5 on the kinsey scale. So I guess a 2 as a man. But I have discovered if I was born male I would probably be a homophobic douchebag because being gay definitely rubs me the wrong way in regards to myself at least. Like it weirds me out if a guy is attracted to me and stuff, even/especially when they still see me as female, so I wonder if it would be different if I was seen as male. Perhaps it is a good thing I'm DFAB. My fiancee calls me "Tyler" when my douchiness starts showing. We have decided that is my DMAB alter ego and I would have probably cat called women and drive a camaro and said "no homo" a lot. XD
It doesn't sound like it is changing at all. I have a theory that some people go through adolescence knowing something about them is not quite normal so they assume they are gay or bi, but when they realize they are trans everything clicks and they realize that was the problem all along. Being "straight" just never seemed quite right, but then they realize they were gay all along, just not female. I hope so, because I have this irrational fear when I hear everyone talking about this that when I start T I will start being attracted to men. I am definitely attracted to women now and if I was female I would consider myself like a 5 on the kinsey scale. So I guess a 2 as a man. But I have discovered if I was born male I would probably be a homophobic douchebag because being gay definitely rubs me the wrong way in regards to myself at least. Like it weirds me out if a guy is attracted to me and stuff, even/especially when they still see me as female, so I wonder if it would be different if I was seen as male. Perhaps it is a good thing I'm DFAB. My fiancee calls me "Tyler" when my douchiness starts showing. We have decided that is my DMAB alter ego and I would have probably cat called women and drive a camaro and said "no homo" a lot. XD ---------- Post added 30th May 2016 at 11:36 AM ---------- Sorry for posting that three times! The website stopped working or so I thought so I clicked the button too many times D:
Yep, I agree with Irvisel completely, swings are normal if you're bi. I also have straight and gay periods, like months or weeks. In the case of trans people dysphoria also counts in which can block some of your attractions from working because of wrong roles. Gender envy versus attraction is also confusing as hell.
I kind of wonder about that. See, but I don't really have "straight" periods. I just have gay periods (I guess) and "flexible enough to consider dating a woman" periods. I almost want to just say that I'm gay and it would probably be a relief (I'm actually gonna talk about this with my psych tomorrow) except for the times I'm flexible enough to consider dating a woman. But i get dysphoric by the idea of sleeping with a woman since not only would I not really be able to have the sex with her that I feel's personally important to me but I always get worried they'll try to relate to me and my body like their own. Plus, I just kinda find it hard to physically see myself with a woman (even if I had the right parts) and I've had a hard time kinda feeling attracted to women, especially stereotypical long nails, boobs, and curves, regardless of whether she's cis or trans. I actually tried dating a woman shortly after I got out of the closet. She never misgendered me or anything but when she told me she only dated trans men because they didn't have penises and she had a history of sexual abuse, I didn't take the relationship further. Not that I couldn't date a survivor (I happen to be one but I wasn't one at the time) but I didn't like being treated like I was somehow safer and missing something I feel I should've had, you know?
If you're 90% into men it means you are probably not bisexual in the "practical" sense - that is, it might be the case you just won't ever be attracted to women enough to form a relationship. And since testosterone makes you more easily aroused, your mind just jumps on to your most desired object and doesn't care for the 10 because it's not enough. It's just my theory/resoning, but it might make sense for you. At least as some food for thought.
The story about the girl sounds bad, mate. I think I wouldn't date someone with a penis trauma either, because I have one, it's just extremely short Honsetly, no penis, but all the stuff associated with it is still there, and that might be traumatic to such a person too. Hm, I can't tell you really, it's confusing. I'd say just go with the flow and see, because it doesn't seem clear at the moment. Things should clear themselves up on their own given their time. I don't like the stereotypical girls (or guys) either. I had one big confision, flirted with my own reflection, related to the guy in a straight relationship, felt very gay when dating guys, crushed on girls and didn't notice it, and couldn't imagine dating a woman or having sex with her, because I couldn't see myself as a girl with a girl. So... hyper complicated and tangled. Sometimes stuff like this happens, for everyone in terms of their own logic.
Sexuality is hard to figure out on hormones. I was really excited and happy and came out bi a while ago when I was able to be aroused by a guy for the first time ever, but it hasn't worked since, and I am fairly sure my insecurity in my feminity at the time and his very effeminate nature and drag persona helped a bit in that department. I decided to just keep the bi label for a bit so I would have room because why not, and to not announce every discovery about myself but to just take things as they are. I did learn firsthand though that coming out and getting it "wrong" is no big deal if you do it. On the whole, being comfortable with myself as a woman has made me more attracted to women. So I don't think what you are going through is weird. You don't have to like women to be a man.
Thanks everyone, by the way. I really appreciate everyone's input and for taking the time to respond. I wish I could reply individually to everyone but just to kind of address everything... I actually did talk about my sexuality at length with my therapist. And just kind of going over my past history and how I feel about men and women, I think things make a lot more sense now. Because I dunno. My attraction to women just doesn't feel real. I remember coming out as lesbian when I was maybe 17 but even then, there just wasn't a spark. I just wanted to feel masculine and cut myself away from having to identify as a "straight woman" before I knew I was a man and calling myself that and trying to date a woman- in some ways, it let me be a part of the queer community and assert myself in some small way. And I know I don't have to like women to be a man but I think in a sense we all internalize that, you know? That to be masculine you date feminine people. And I think even though I've been dating men since I came out, being sexual with other guys and I've been active in the trans community for well over 3 years, that those ideas still come into play somehow. I've been wanting to call myself gay for a while but I feel like I almost didn't deserve to call myself that. And, hell, maybe irony upon irony years later I'll eventually fall for a woman and laugh about this. But for now, saying I'm gay sounds right and it's really hard to see myself trying to date a woman or feeling like I could really be in an involved relationship with one and feel like I'm genuinely attracted to her. But either way, whether he's cis or a guy like me, here's hoping I eventually find Mr. Right.
Thanks everyone, by the way. I really appreciate everyone's input and for taking the time to respond. I wish I could reply individually to everyone but just to kind of address everything... I actually did talk about my sexuality at length with my therapist. And just kind of going over my past history and how I feel about men and women, I think things make a lot more sense now. Because I dunno. My attraction to women just doesn't feel real. I remember coming out as lesbian when I was maybe 17 but even then, there just wasn't a spark. I just wanted to feel masculine and cut myself away from having to identify as a "straight woman" before I knew I was a man and calling myself that and trying to date a woman- in some ways, it let me be a part of the queer community and assert myself in some small way. And I know I don't have to like women to be a man but I think in a sense we all internalize that, you know? That to be masculine you date feminine people. And I think even though I've been dating men since I came out, being sexual with other guys and I've been active in the trans community for well over 3 years, that those ideas still come into play somehow. I've been wanting to call myself gay for a while but I feel like I almost didn't deserve to call myself that. And, hell, maybe irony upon irony years later I'll eventually fall for a woman and laugh about this. But for now, saying I'm gay sounds right and it's really hard to see myself trying to date a woman or feeling like I could really be in an involved relationship with one and feel like I'm genuinely attracted to her. But either way, whether he's cis or a guy like me, here's hoping I eventually find Mr. Right.
