Introduction post here, sorry if it ends up being long... I've known that I was trans since I was 14, and have been out to my parents for a little over a year and a half. I haven't really been in a position to start transitioning at all so far, since I live in a rural town with little to no LGBT resources, and most people I know are not accepting of trans people. But I'm going off to college in a big city next year, so I'll be able to start transitioning finally. I've been looking forward to this for years, but now that it's actually here I have a ton of anxiety about transitioning. First off, many of my family members are not accepting of trans people, and there's a high chance that some of them might never associate with me anymore if I come out. Also, I feel like even the ones that do accept it will never view me as a real guy anyways, and I'll probably always be viewed as weird/delusional by the rest of my family. Also, I'm not very good at talking about gender issues with my family, because I hate having personal discussions. The only person I've actually discussed it with at all is my mom, and only a little with her. It just feels embarrassing to bring up. But I know that I need to be able to do this if I'm going to start transitioning soon, I need to work things out with my family. Every time I do try to discuss trans-related stuff with my mom, she ends up saying stuff that upsets/irritates me, which I know isn't her fault because she doesn't understand fully, but it's very discouraging. And apparently, a few days ago she outed me to my grandfather without telling me beforehand. He was apparently alright with it, but it really freaks me out having her tell other people that I'm trans, she did it once before to a friend of hers. I feel like I have no control over the information, and that anyone could find out at this point. Also, there are still some lingering doubts in the back of my head that I might not really be trans at all. I doubt that's true, but I worry that I somehow tricked myself into feeling dysphoria, or that I just got caught up in the trans narrative since it's such a "thing" (if that makes any sense) on the internet/in the media now. Like I said, I don't really think this is likely, but I really don't want to be wrong about this, since I could potentially lose family members over this. Okay, sorry if this is too long...thanks to anyone that actually reads the whole thing. If anyone has any advice or has experienced anything similar that would be helpful :help:.
Transition is a big step. It's hard sometimes to let go. And without support of family then its even harder. The point to remember is if people genuinely love you, then they will come around when they see you are happy. If they don't, then they will reveal their true colors. The bottom line though is what would make you happiest? Getting into a big city is a good start. A more liberal climate will help alleviate some of your social concerns. Seek out more trans people or just people who are open minded and friendly, there are a lot of good cis people who can't empathize but they can definetely respect you and be a friend.
Well I feel like transitioning would make me the happiest, although I do have some doubts/worries as I mentioned in my first post. At least if I move then I won't have to see any of the family members that won't be accepting, right now I live in the same town and see them a lot, but maybe I will have less anxiety once I've moved. Still worried about being outed by various people, but I guess I just need to talk to my mom about that. I hate bringing up gender-related stuff around her also because I feel like she's disappointed in me for being trans, even if she wouldn't admit it, so I don't like reminding her of it.
I do not have much advice, other than to say that what you described is almost exactly what I'm going through. If you ever need anyone to speak with, brother, I'm here.
I don't have a lot of experience with a lot of this but when I told my father that I was trans he said he just wants me to be happy but I saw the disappointment in his eyes and my bother has told me that he has been emphasizing male pronouns in reference to me(saying not he but HE) but you know what in the long run I don't actually care because I know that this is going to make me happy and help me feel way better then I felt when I looked at myself as male. Even with his disappointment I knew it was necessary for him to know and a great weight has been lifted now that he knows, even if he doesn't understand and doesn't truly support me. This might be similar for others too, it hurts of course but you can't change who you truly are and its better to live as you rather then pretend to be what others want you to be. I hope this is at least a little helpful rather then a random story on your post :/
I think that since you have been looking forward to this for so long that this is right for you. I am not trans but many times I have questioned if I would feel more comfortable being a guy. The answer for me was no, but my family's acceptance isn't what convinced me that I wasn't, the fact that I still like wearing a dress to formal events and curling my hair on occassion sort of told me that I was comfortable still being a girl. Just by reading your posts I think that you know who you are. If the only thing holding you back and worrying you is acceptance from your family, then you are still trans, but afraid of not of the transition to another (biological) gender but the transition into a new life with a possible distant relationship with your loved ones and that is a whole different issue. I think just your anxiety about acceptance has you doubting your gender. But whether your family accepts it or not, you are the gender that you are My family isn't accepting either. Even though I'm not out, I already know it since they trash LGBT community at least twice a week. I can't bring myself to tell them just because I know that I could never be trusted having my friends spend the night even if I am not attracted to any of them. But I can't help the feeling that once I tell them it will encourage me to live my life the way I want to. And maybe I could become a stronger person from it all. I think it will be exciting for you if you go through with it Good luck and stay strong -Ky
Thanks for the advice everyone. Nice to know that other people have gone through the same thing. I have been feeling a bit more sure of myself recently at least.
