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Identifying

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mihael, Jun 1, 2016.

  1. Mihael

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    I simply don't understand myself, I don't know what I make even remotely.

    Pro trans male:
    -I get on with men a lot better and I'm "one of the guys", and prefer to be treated more like a guy than a woman, and I don't have that much of a problem with this
    -gender is who you are and I'm very guyish (which does not equal masculine/unfeminine)
    -I feel pretty gay when in a relationship with a guy, and pretty straight in relationship with a girl, whatever it means
    -I am a wierd case when I don't exactly understand other women and don't experience things that are usually associated with being female, I don't know why, I don't know what went wrong. Men easily accept me as one of them and I get ridiculed when I wear a dress or anything too girly, I basically behave like a guy.
    -If anything, I don't want to be a guy, I am a guy.
    -body map
    -I always behaved like a boy, but somehow didn't see it nor did anybody else. All the shouting and running and climbing trees and fighting, I didn't know how to use dolls, really, the beat each other up and a stroller was a car,
    -I read posts of people who identify as really in the middle and divide their expression half by half, or feel different on different days, or don't feel a connection to gender whatsoever, but I have this guy skew
    -I like looking like a guy and passing as a guy

    pro cis female:
    - I am okey with my body, I love my body, and that is a fit female body, I want to change anything about it
    -I don't overthink my body, and body seems to ba a main focus for most trans people
    -I don't feel like I relate to trans people's experiences
    -nothing from my behaviour actually crosses a "norm" and a lot of cis girls run and shout in childhood, and a lot of cis women get on with men
    - My another doubt is that I really don't care for my name or pronouns or my papers, I find it reasonable for an F to be in my papers as long as I have ovaries.

    inconclusive:
    -I used to hate my body, but I realise it was because of an imposed idea of a "woman" I cannot fulfil and find very painful and empty to live. That's a stupid societal idea/stereotype that drove me to the point of anorexia, which I find completely insane.
    - I know my mom had some hormone imbalances when she was pregant with me
    -Even though dysphoria can be a manifestation of identity, I don't really think it's the only way
    -I was told I am a girl and didn't question it, I thought gender is made up by adults, that it's another game.
    - I haven't worn the traditional female clothing for most of my life and feel crossdressed in a dress.
    - I come across as a crossdresser in a dress, it's not those moves, especially since I dress more like a guy. Masculine clothing promotes swagger.
    -But is there a difference, in the end, between being such a female and being trans male? That's a fluid difference, I suppose.
    - I'm pretty girly, I listen to Madonna and the such, I obsess over cute guys, I like pink, glitter, I like dresses and make-up, and heels, all that stuff
    - don't care about words I'm called. (with one exception, "he" seems flattering)
    - I've been going by an extremely chopped off name for my whole life.
    -I trained my voice to sound less like a girl to a point that you can't tell, because I don't like being treated like a woman.
    - For the same reason and preferring to have a more androgynous, more fit body, I excersice, and I love the effect
    - for the same reason as the voice, I just cut my hair and don't intend to grow it out ever again
    - I might be lucky to have relatively small boobs that are easy to hide under clothing, I think I would hate it if I suddenly grew an F cup, but wouldn't anyone be annoyed?
     
    #1 Mihael, Jun 1, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2016
  2. baconpox

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    You don't sound trans to me. The pros all sound somewhat neutral, where the cons all seem pretty conclusive. For me, being trans is a massive headache and if you can avoid it, I'd highly recommend you do. If you love your body, why change it? You don't really have to be a guy to like hanging out with guys or "feel like" a guy (really, that's undefinable and it's based on gender roles usually). As for not understanding what gender was when you were younger, kids do weird stuff it doesn't necessarily mean anything.
     
  3. Mihael

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    so you say trans=transsexual basically, gender=sex/body.

    and you define gender roles as anything that is not sex/body

    but why should bodies mean anything about us and why should we define ourselves by them? If for you your body is a source of identity or it reflects your mental identity, that's great. But for me not so much.
     
    #3 Mihael, Jun 1, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2016
  4. SHACH

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    I think it's a bit less black and white than what baconpox said, but I get the senriment of what he said that if your okay with how you are... why identify as trans? I would just say if you wanna change your name and pronouns, if that's something you need to feel better, then sure, you can be a guy. But if your fine with your name and pronouns and body and can happily live on how your living - just stop thinking about it, your stressing yourself out unnecessarily. Personally, I find the body map thing and you saying stuff like "I don't wanna be a guy, I am a guy" and "I feel gay in a relationship with a guy and straight with a girl" make me feel like there's something to what your saying about perhaps being a transguy. As a cis tomboy I certainly don't have the "body map" of a man or feel like I am a guy. I just don't give a shit and I love menswear and violence haha.
     
  5. Rickystarr

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    I think you are probably non binary.
     
  6. Mihael

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    Maybe this is my problem...

    But I don't feel like the body map per say is a problem for me, it's a detail I just got used to, it might be the whole sexuality, but I'm not sure what about it in particular. I look more and more like a boy, ha ha, someone called me sir a couple of days ago.

    And my thoughts revolving around this might be connected with being in a longer relationship I'm in right now. The last time I got so stressed out about gender was when I was in a more committed relationship too.

    Non-binary might be the thing.