As of right now I am 13 and I've been convinced I'm transgender. My mom doesn't really believe me, and neither does anyone else. I have physical and social dysphoria, every time someone calls me my birth name or a female pronoun it really hurts. My mom has been tying to help me a little by getting me a pixie cut, but I still look very feminine and it makes me really depressed. I'm getting my first binder on Friday. I'm curious to know other people's opinion though. Is it really just a phase? I've felt strongly about being FTM for about a year and I've been questioning for longer. I don't know what other steps to take. An example would be something like, should I get packers, should I start T, and should I try to change my wardrobe, or should I wait until I'm 18?
I wouldn't make any permanent changes (hormones, surgery) until you're a bit older. If you really really feel that getting on T ASAP is a necessity for you, then maybe you can try to get your parent(s) on board.. As far as less medical things go such as packing, binding, and changing pronouns, hair, and clothes.. Go for it! Do what makes you feel comfortable and happy, and quiets the discomfort you feel. From one 13 year old trans guy to another <3 And I applaud you, sir, for having the courage to tell your parent(s) at all. I am still very closeted and just starting to come to terms with my identity atm :/
At 13 most doctors would refuse you T till you are around 16 or 18. There is the options of puberty blockers though. As person above said, you should wait before doing any permanent changes to yourself.
If you want a packer and a new wardrobe, do it. If you want to come out to friends and family and have them call you by different pronouns and a new name, do it. Those are all reversible changes. It's probably not a phase, but those are all changes you can undo if you change your mind or feel differently later. If you want, you could also pursue the option of hormone blockers. It's only useful if you have not finished puberty, but it could stop puberty from progressing. They are also a non-permant decision. If you decide you don't want testosterone, you can stop puberty blockers and puberty will proceed as normal. Doctors generally can't or don't prescribe T before age 16, so that's not really an option yet, nor would I recommend starting hormones this early. If in 3 years you're still certain you want them, you can go ahead and do it. If you're sure for that long, and if you really think about it properly (make sure you know the less fun side effects as well as the good effects; make sure you've explored your motivations for taking hormones and have made sure there isn't a way you could be more comfortable or equally comfortable without hormones) it's quite unlikely to be a phase. I think that generally when you're 13 and have social and physical dysphoria, you're probably trans, and it's probably not going away. Lots of trans people know they're trans at a young age.
I would really like to thank you guys for such a kind and honest answer. Even though my mom is getting a little better, it feels so good to finally talk to other people going through the same things as I am. I'm considering asking my mom if I could go to therapy or something and possibly getting a shorter haircut that's more masculine. I don't think my mother will like the idea of hormone stoppers at the moment, but maybe I can ease her into researching it a bit more. She already let's me wear a guy shirt on some occasions and she says that she still loves me in the end. I am almost positive that this isn't a phase as well. Thinking about growing up and being a woman sounds like a nightmare, but almost everyone I have told is still telling me it could be a phase, and I'm not going to argue with them about it anymore like I used to. I just don't think they understand how much dread and sadness it brings me when I look at myself, or when I'm called by the wrong pronouns.
Well, I think you're off in the right direction posting here. Hormones are a big deal and most doctors won't clear you until you're 16-18. But with that being said, I'd look into blockers. But I think one thing that would probably help your mom understand what you're going through is maybe seeing if you can arrange for a gender therapist. That will also give you someone to talk to so you can see if transitioning's right for you. I think your mom's going to feel a lot better if she knows that you're seeing someone who can help you figure things out. This isn't to say that you're not transgender or you don't know who you are. It sounds like you do. But I've been out of the closest and socially transitioning for three years and I can tell you that even though I know very well how I identify and that I wanted to medically transition, it still helped to have a gender therapist to talk to about my identity and the kind of man I wanted to be. And for what it's worth, it took three years before my family realized that my transition wasn't a phase. It may very well take time before your friends and family come around completely. Sometimes it's hard for people to understand, especially when they think they know you. And I think a lot of the time, they really do mean well. But like I said, look into seeing a gender therapist. You can probably have your mother sit in on appointments once in a while so she has someone she can talk about her concerns with. That's what the therapist is there for.
My parents are afraid that it's a phase of mine too. I could convince them as I said that psychologists have to do a lot of things before anything irreversible gets started. Consulting a therapist shouldn't be a problem. My first changes were: Using other deo & shampoo and change my wardrobe. I'm currently working out. As for your hair: You might want to style it up at the front, it can help to make your face look less feminine.
Yeah, my mom thinks it's a phase, and the worst part about it is that she thinks she should pay no attention to it and treat it like it's not a big deal at all. Normally that's a good thing, but it's her excuse for not ever wanting to talk about it. I just want her to take it seriously for once. She doesn't understand why it means so much to me to be a boy. She thinks it 'doesn't matter' which is her way of saying we should do anything about it.
Sorry to hear this. But remember: All parents want their kids to be happy. Probably she hopes it's just a phase because being transgender doesn't make your life easier. Maybe she will listen if you tell her that you can understand her doubts but you need to check if it's true because you might currently feel like you're stuck between two worlds and can't go on like this.
