Terribly afraid of looking for a gender therapist

I was just surfinng around and found the madness: Transgender people drugged with neuroleptics to cure them. I was forced to take this once. If I could have thought something I probably would have wanted to die. Never again. Psychiatrists have abused their power against me and treated me so bad that I have PTSD now. Of course I fear these people like hell and my hope for starting T one day just faded away. I don't wanna risk getting locked away in hell again, drugged without human rights and this fear and hopelessness there.

What do I have to study to prescribe it myself? Maybe that would be a way. I will never ever get back there. I don't think I have a better chance.

 

You can't prescribe yourself medication, and you need a doctor to monitor your hormone levels and your health while taking hormones in order to minimize the risks, so buying it and taking it without a prescription is not a good idea.

I don't know about Germany specifically, but I know that in the US, larger cities sometimes have clinics that will prescribe you T based on informed consent instead of a letter from a therapist. I'd recommend looking into whether or not that exists anywhere near where you live.

 

Yeah probably it works that way. But how high are the risks really that they think I'm crazy and treat me like that? I have some hope though...

 

Really really low as gender therapists tend to be trained at recognizing gender problems and usually don't have the ability to even prescribe medication because they were trained as clinical psychologists. The person who prescribes HRT is an endocrinologist, not a psychistrist so they likewise aren't trained to diagnose you with a mental illness. In general, you would need to show pretty extreme and probably violent behavior to be at risk of being diagnosed with psychosis when going to a gender clinic but the same is true if you went to any medical facility or any place really.

It is important that you seek treatment and letting fears hold you back will just hurt you in the long run. Part of this journey that we are going through involves overcoming fears and inhibitions and that will be an important step for you. I'm sorry that you went through something so traumatic earlier in life and I hope that the coming days will show you another more caring and loving side of humanity as you begin to open up to the world and take steps forward in life.

Much hugs,

(*hug*)

Eveline

 

Would you be comfortable telling me where you're from specifically? (Like, the nearest bigger city.) Maybe I can help you find a good therapist with a good reputation. I've never heard a story like yours and I'm quite shocked to be honest.

There are quite many good (gender) therapists in this country that won't think you're crazy and treat you with respect.

That's (sadly) not an option in Germany. You always need a t letter, some endocrinologists will except the documents you get when changing your name, but those are rare.

 

@Eveline: Good to know that they can't prescribe anything. I wouldn't take it anyway. I'm not violent at all. According to a psychologoist I have "fascinating mood swings" though...Thanks for your caring message.

@ Aaron: Bin Schwabe Do you know how soon I can change my name? After all, I found out that I already pass so a new name would be the most important step to a normal life.

 

1. Only a certified doctor, after 7 years of learning the occupation at least I think, can prescribe any medication.
2. However, you don't have to wait for T, you can do whatever you want without it, and if you want to masculinise your body, eating properly and excersicing do a ton
3. I get what you mean with the psychologists, I also had trauma associated with people thinking I'm sick when I was a child :/ (I simply behaved atypical and still do) I'm unpacking it with a counsellor right now... Hugs , bro.
4. Fearing... yeah, I get that, I never went to a gender therapist... I don't feel like that's what I need, most of my problems stem from elsewhere. It's important to inform yourself before you go to a doctor/whoever like this, if it's a good doctor, if they are a nice person, their attitude, and such, to keep level headed and keep your hold on the situation. There are mental health professionals that are... simply bad... unprofessional, have bad knowledge, are nasty people... but there are also mental heath proffessionals who are fine. Those are people too, and are as diverse as everyone else I'm sure you can find someone decent.

 

Hi emerry, oh yeah training works very good for me. I will continue. Do you know some exercises to built more muscle on the side of the waist so I can decrease the curves?
Sorry for your trauma, bro. I've got another good psychologist but with no idea of gender. But maybe she knows someone nice. Gotta be careful though. Around psychologists I'll never feel safe again.

 

Ty Turner has some ftm specific workout advice on his YouTube channel, and scooby's workshop and Ross training are good blogs.

 

Oh man, I'm from the North so that's like the only place I have no recommendations for. But please check out the ftm-portal, it's a German forum that's similar to this one and I'm sure they'll have some resources for your area.

You can change your name whenever you want. You don't have to be in therapy, nor on hormones. That's what I did, because I was able to pass before going on hormones.
Do you know how changing your name works in this country? If not I can explain it to you.

 

Glad to hear this! Do you have a link to the german forum? I don't know how to change my name, how old do I have to be?

 

Hey, I wrote a message on your wall, to make things a bit more easy. ^^

 

Thank you very much! I can't reply via PM, so I'll continue here. Do I need to know that I'm transgender since 3 years or is it okay when there's evidence in the past, like being very jealous on men because of their shape and muscles? Because that was always very consistent.

 

You you don't, it's fine if you say something like "I knew I was a guy/wanted to be a guy" sine I', very young" or something similar. I personally said that I experienced gender dysphoria since I was like 11, even though that wasn't the word I would have used back then. I'm pretty sure most people tweak their words or lie a little bit while doing these name change appointments.

 

I checked this thread out when you first posted, was a bit shocked, and didn't know quite what to write. But I'm so glad you've received a lot of help and that you seem more hopeful now! (*hug*) As Eveline said, the chances of something like that happening are very, very low. That sounds like a proper scare tale from the 60's. Sorry you had to go through something like that.

I can give you some tips on workouts. Sorry I don't know the fancy names much.
For calves: Standing on some elevated platform, just anything as long are your heels (or well, half your foot, ish, or more, from your heels and forward) aren't touching any ground, and bobbing up and down builds your calves - a lot of AFABs have large calves, but it's more common in AMABs.
For your abdominals: a) If you're at a gym or so there's a great exercise for this. You grab a bar that's fixed to the ground in one end, put weights on it, and swing the bar in a half-circle from side to side, with the bar at a 25 degree angle or so.
b)This one you can do at home. 'Stand' with your feet on the floor and your elbows and forearms to the floor. Don't touch the floor with anything else, and keep your back quite straight. Move your knees diagonally forward - that is, move your right knee forward toward your left shoulder, then back again; then move your left knee forward toward your right shoulder.
c) Lie in your back, with your head slightly up and your legs not touching the floor. With your feet together, write your name.
d) This one is my all-time favorite. I almost want to pick up boxing again just to do this one. XD Get a tire. Car tire, tractor tire, lol, any tire, or just anything that's about 1-2 feet high, and a baseballl bat. With your back straight and your knees bent, hit the tire. This will train your legs as well, and your arms a bit, but especially your abdominals - I thought I could actually feel mine pulsating after I did this.
I also recommend push-ups, as it builds your chest muscles and your triceps. Shoulder exercises are good, like with dumbbells or so. If you're into martial arts or so at all, there's this great exercise for shoulders and just overall workout that I'd recommend. You grab some weights (not very heavy) that's manageable to hold in each hand, and just pretend you're fighting someone, and strike forward, upward, whatever. It's really tiring in your arms, and it builds your shoulders well. Also, you'll fell wonderfully light in your arms when you put them down.

Hope that was any help. ^^ Good luck!

 

I actually did martial arts before and might pick it up again. Therefore your boxing idea is very good! I have dumbbells and a punching bag at home. I'll try your exercises when I work out tomorrow. I already gained 6 pounds of muscle ^^