I just can't shake it today... Hard to leave the house. I feel like such a whiny little bitch but dammit, I need to look different TODAY. Not tomorrow, not months from now, not years from now. MF'ing today. I went out last night with a girlfriend for happy hour & dinner and it was super nice. It was perfect weather so after dinner we even walked around to enjoy the evening. I had such a good time last night, felt very girly/pretty and now today all I see/feel is the disconnect. Ugh. Just fucking ugh. I'm not even answering the phone because I don't want to hear my own voice or be called sir/Russ. This blows monkey balls. Seriously, I feel all this competing pressure. Like a pressure cooker that is on high and the valve is stuck. I know it will pass. I know I'll feel better. But where is my fairy godmother when I need her? Spoiler
Those days happen. I used to wonder why girls sometimes don't feel beautiful. It's hard to understand unless you live it. Those feelings will pass. Get glammed up even if you do nothing but sit on the couch and watch Netflix. My mom used to ask me can't you just dress up at home? I always do; not because it's "a fetish" like my mom thought but I do it for me so I am happy when I look in the mirror. Do it for yourself too.
In other, completely off-topic news, I found a pretty good resource about hormones and treatment protocols from the Tom Waddell Clinic in SanFran. Going to use this as continued ammo in my fight with the VA. https://www.sfdph.org/dph/comupg/oservices/medSvs/hlthCtrs/TransGendprotocols122006.pdf
Em, I only partly understand what you're going through, but I sympathize. I have days when I dress up, get pretty, do makeup and the whole thing and I STILL feel like a fat old guy in a skirt. I want to feel feminine and sexy, and there are days when I can do it, and days when nothing seems to work. I second the advice; dress up, get pretty, do something nice for yourself. Try to recapture the feeling you had last night. I wish I could give better advice, hon, but know that I think of you and send you warm thoughts and strength to hold on. Hugs and support, Morgana
