( For those that read through all this, thank you! ) Hey! I never thought I would post a thread in the gender identity category of this website. I always thought I was a girl because of the way I looked, the way I dressed, etc. but I’ve never paid much attention to it. I knew trans people existed but I couldn’t really understand them because I’ve never been in their shoes ( nor have I ever met one irl ). Until now. I suddenly started disliking some parts of my body, some parts that I never really cared about. Then came the time where I started disliking my name, or the pronouns people use to describe me. Even now, I pay so much attention to that, that it’s kinda starting to piss me off. I started wearing guy’s clothes and realised I felt much more comfortable in that than the girl clothes I was usually wearing. The reason why I never tried guy clothing was because first, no girl did that ( at least, never saw one, or I just didn’t care ) and second, I thought I wasn’t allowed since I was biologically a girl. Nowadays, I only dress up as a guy ( or I wear hoodies ) and I recently cut my hair ( not completely short, I’m waiting for summer vacations because I don’t know how to style my hair and I’m scared that it will look ugly and I won’t be able to go to school ;-; ) but I’m constantly asking myself if I’m going too fast. I’m not even sure if I’m a guy ( actually, I don’t fully identify as one, I’m more leaning into non-binary ) and I’m not entirely ready to deal with all the society hatred toward people like me. Maybe I should wait a year before transitioning to be sure. I’ve found a unisex name for myself but whenever someone else pronounces it, I feel slightly uncomfortable, I don’t know why. Maybe I should change it. Then again, can I change it that fast? I prefer not having a name tbh xD I always feel like being confused is wrong so I try to label myself and get over it as fast as possible but then I come back on my decision and change everything up, leaving me even more confused. I know that teen years is the time where you change the most so I don’t want to come out, then change my mind after a few weeks/months. For next year in high school, I’ll be changing buildings. I sincerely hope they have unisex bathrooms but if they don’t, idk if maybe I’ll look too much like a guy to enter the girl’s bathroom or I’ll look like a girl so I won’t be able to enter the guy’s bathroom. I don’t wanna have a bladder infection but I also don’t want to get discriminated. My school does have rules against discrimination but nobody respects them. Is anyone still transitioning and dealing with this too? Also, my dad doesn’t know about this. He hasn’t said anything to me yet, but he does think that I’m just trying to be a “yo man” and that I’m following the trend. My mom is finding all the possible reasons to convince him to let me dress how I want. ( he might be ( he probably is ) transphobic ;-; ) I’m lucky enough to have a uniform code at school, and I managed to buy some guy’s only uniform parts ( but I got denied the shoes :c ) so I’ll look a lot like a guy except for the facial features and a bit of physical ( I’m working on that ) Being shy by nature doesn’t help too, I’m not sure if my friends will accept me and I really don’t want to get bullied. But at the same time, it’s such a pain to be considered a girl. I’m unsure if I want to continue my transitioning ( for the moment ) or if I should just accept that I’m a girl and that it’s only a phase. I want to wear a binder but I’m scared that my dad will find out ( I think you can only buy them online, right? ) and he’ll get pissed and complain and I’ll have to come out to him ( I’m sooo not ready for that ) For the lockers room, I have no clue which one I’m more comfortable with. I’ve never seen guys undressing so I’m a little scared and I never change in front of girls. What should I do? ?-? But in the end, maybe people won’t even care. Any advice is greatly appreciated!
I'm in almost the exact same predicament and about your age too! Because of that I can't really give advice for the identity crisis bit.. But I can relate, and give a few practical pointers that might help you out a little For bathrooms.. Ugh geez. I don't use school bathrooms when I can avoid it because it makes me uncomfortable. My strategy if I were you would probably be to get special permission to use a restroom in the nurses office/main office/teacher's lounge/wherever so that you don't have to use a gendered restroom (assuming there aren't gender neutral toilets), and to make sure you use the restroom in your house immediatetely before school so you won't have to use the ones at school as much, if at all. Ooooof I hate locker rooms. They are the worst. I'm always hella awkward in girls locker rooms, so lately I just haven't been changing for gym :'/ I stink and it's worth it You know, you have the summer to think about whether you want to be known as a guy in this new school environment. That's an opportunity, and a chance you may want to consider. It's not a necessity, but I don't think I've ever heard of somebody experiencing the feelings you are and it turning out to be a phase.. And this could be good. That being said, you have like 90 days to consider if that will be the right choice for you. That's a lot of thinking time. And I think your right that people won't really care as much as you may think they will. Humans tend to be more concerned about what people are thinking about them thank what they're thinking about people if you catch my drift. Good luck bro, I'm rooting for you! ---------- Post added 5th Jun 2016 at 09:49 PM ---------- Oh! And for binding, if you're not ready for the risk of your dad finding out, I recommend getting some tight fitting sports bras as an alternative. Neither parent is likely to bat an eye at that. Some don't do a half bad binding job either, especially if you go down a size.. Just don't go down more than one. You want to do this safely. And don't wear it for more than 8-12 hours at one time. Give yourself breaks.
It's okay not to be 100% sure. It's also okay not to be used to your new name yet. I've gone by Rebecca for about half a year now, and now that I'm finally getting properly used to it (and feminine pronouns), I'm switching it again! XD Or well, more specifically I think I might have Rebecca as a legal first name (because it's more common) but Ara (abbreviation of Arabella) as a nickname, that's kind of what I'm trying out right now. It's okay to experiment. Maybe it's less free, so to say, when you're 14, or maybe it's less free in Canada than here, I don't know, but it's quite common here even for cis people to just choose whatever bathroom has the least people in it. So I don't think you need to worry too much. That said, it isn't inconceivable that you might receive an unwanted comment or two sometime. I tend to stay pragmatic with these things. Even when I girl up a bit, I don't pass well enough to go into the ladies' without people maybe noticing me. At the same time, though, if I am girled up, it would be even more awkward to go into the men's room, so I go into the ladies' anyway. When I wear more neutral clothing etc. I tend to go into the men's room.
Thx a lot Pistachio! I'll take the summer to think more about my gender. For the bathrooms, I hate asking teachers for something so Idk if I'll do it, but I'll give it a try. For the lockers, I thought maybe I could go ask to change after everyone is done changing ( and wuuuut can you even do that? I don't think at my school we can but I'll ask ) Thx for the binding advice! I'll certainly try that out! Good luck to you too! ---------- Post added 6th Jun 2016 at 07:36 AM ---------- Thx Invidia! I'll think more about my name, I think I'll turn it more masculine. Something like Jeff x3 I'm surrounded by people who keep criticizing everyone around them, and after hearing their comments, I get pretty stressed to think that they might say that about me. That's why I'm thinking a lot about how people will react when they see me in the men's bathroom :c
