Im really confused about my gender identity, Im 16 bio- Female and the last few weeks iv been really confused to the point that im thinking about it 24/7 for a few weeks all day everyday and its making me physically sick. I think i might be Trans. I want to be a boy and be seen as one but iv always known myself as female, iv had the passing thought a few times over the years like am i trans but then i just dismissed it and have the occasional thought of dam i wish i was a dude. but this time it came into my head it won't leave no matter what i do. I thought of it and then part of me went dude i think you are but another part went you cant be a boy your a girl you've been a girl for 16 years of your life but the more i think about it the more confused and more sure i get i look back at my childhood and things that i didn't think were connected are piecing together but i cant shake the thouhgt of i cant be but i cant find any reasons why it must be false besides iv always been a girl and lots for why i think i might be trans though the reasons are probably stupid, I don't like my boobs i get jealous when i see all the guys with their flat chests and skinny frames and flat stomachs and the clothes they get to wear, I feel jealous of FTMs and i relate to males in tv and book and stuff not females and i want to be like them almost as if i want to be them and i wear a sports bra to flatten my chest and i got my hair cut short and it just fits me much better like i feel happier and more myself and i cant stand when people call me lady or woman or call me pretty and i hate dresses and skirts and 'girly' things but i dont get genital dysphoria and im fine with people saying she/ her but im only realising this now and i dont feel like a boy i just feel like me and i want to be one and i feel like im just faking it in some way like i have somehow convinced myself to feel a certain way. Sorry this is such a mess im just really confused. What is happening?
First of all, this confusion is pretty common. Most mind-body stuff is kind of an emotional rollercoaster, and you're not crazy. You're going to be okay. You do seem to have some social and physical dysphoria--you might be FTM. You might also be transmasculine, meaning you fall on the masculine end of the scale, but aren't necessarily in for the whole shebang. You could just be masculine-presenting, but it sounds like you really don't identify with being a woman. Really, it all comes down to you and what YOU feel. Whether you figure out your gender at 16 or 60, it's still valid. You might realize twenty years from now that, dang, you definitely feel like a woman. That's valid. You might feel like a boy until you're fifty, and then realize you don't feel like either gender, and then decide you feel male again. That's valid. If two weeks from now you decide you're a tomboy and not a transboy, all the feelings you've had up to that point and all the feelings you have after that point are VALID. If you're having this much distress, and if it continues, you haven't "convinced yourself into it." What you feel is real. Every thought and emotion you have is real energy in your real mind in your real body. What you do with it is up to you. You don't have to know immediately. You don't have to "make a decision." Do what makes you feel comfortable. Find your way forward, and follow it. I know the label feels really important--I've obsessed over what label fits me since I was little: Power Ranger, Sailor Scout, bisexual, lesbian, transmasculine, FTM, Christian, Buddhist, Spiritual, Superhero, Millionaire Playboy Philanthropist... But, ultimately, none of those words have done me much good. The best thing I have done so far is to just experience my feelings and my life, and go with it. Try to open up to the possibilities, and don't worry about shoving yourself into a box--any box. Good luck, friend. Be kind to yourself. ::hug::
