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Dating As A Trans Person

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by iiimee, Jun 7, 2016.

  1. iiimee

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    Hey guys, Chase here. I am young and still have plenty of years left to date before I have to start wondering whether it's time to settle down, fly solo, or continue the dating game for the fun of it, but because of this, I thought it'd be a fun experience to ask you guys what your dating experiences were like, and how your gender identity affected the relationship. As of now, I've had four dating experiences, but only two lasted over a month so I don't count my first two really... All my experiences have been pretty bad so far, and for a whole list of reasons. For starters, the chick I dated for a month or so broke my heart by leaving me for another dude... which is fine. I'm tough. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Though I remember eventually leaving the last person I was with (We dated for six months) because not only were they extremely obsessed, but they also said things that made me uncomfortable, such as they wanted to have "natural-born" children with me. >_> I knew when I heard that that the relationship was doomed from the start... It mostly lasted more than three months because I thought they'd shut up about it if we never discussed it again. :/ Anyway, there is somebody I enjoy spending time with now, but I'm sure that it's unrequited, due to my masculine appearance and behavior. ^_^ So, what about you guys?
     
  2. KayJay

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    I've only dated two people. My ex seemed to be a good fit at first, a straight guy who liked video games and was introverted like me. Over time though it started to get difficult, he never really treated me differently because I am trans but he had trouble understanding me when I wanted to talk about my gender identity, expression or other LGBT things. He was just totally out of the loop which made communication hard sometimes. He also had some personal problems, his family seemed to hate me. I wasn't allowed at his house, he had to sneak away to visit me. He could never spend a night here because of his parents. It sort of was a mess lol.

    My current bf is pretty awesome. He's bi too and is a bit more informed about lgbt topics. I feel comfortable talking about myself to him. I also enjoy learning things about him. He's a gamer too. I guess most of the time I feel comfortable and things rarely seem to feel forced. I could go on and on but the short of it is that he's much more of a fit for me than my ex was. The only problem is he lives out in the prairies and I don't know if I'm about that life.
     
  3. Delta

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    I had two boyfriends in junior high school but it was junior high, so I don't think it's super relevant. Then I had a long distance girlfriend I never met in our year and a half long relationship because she actually wasn't into girls.

    Then at 16 I met my current girlfriend. And after a rocky start, we're still together almost 6 years later. This is definitely the happiest, healthiest relationship in my life, and I'm so in love with her I can't imagine not having her around. So, I guess you could say I settled down super early. The dating game was never really fun for me since I had so incredibly few people around that I was attracted to. It felt like "I'm in the market, but I'm literally the only person in this market so it's a bit pointless."

    We've had serious ups and downs. I was hospitalized for mental illness while we were together, which made her mother ban her from ever contacting me again. It didn't work. Then in our first year of college she suffered a traumatic brain injury that changed her personality and her mental functioning capacity. My usually sweet doormat of an other half was transformed into an aggressive, stubborn, frustrated person who fought me on everything, from me insisting she go to the doctor to me reminding her she needed to leave the house to eat and that she hadn't attended her college classes in weeks. She was a really good student before that. She's healed quite a bit and her old personality is back, but she has no memories of that 9 month time period, and she still can't mentally organize more than 4 concepts at a time and her memory is like shot elastic. She can hold on to old memories just fine, but she struggles with new ones.

    If we can make it through that together, we can make it through anything. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Glowing Eyes

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    I've never dated but I've had a close experience. Back in 8th grade, there was this girl who was basically the Kim Kardashian of my school. One day, I was walking out of the cafeteria, the people at her table laughed and told me to ask her out. I didn't get what it was about but was curious what was going on. I came back and eventually muttered "Will you go out with me?" 'cause I thought that would be the end of it. I was so damn wrong. One of the kids at that table was so obsessed with the idea of KKJunior and I dating that she started pressuring me to talk to her constantly (which I didn't do). She was the one who made a joke about the two of us being perfect which resulted in this whole mess. Then one of the days she was talking to me about this, this opportunistic, gossiping brat who I used to consider a friend until he just got annoying overheard. He then started screaming it all over the place and everyone started laughing 'cause KKJunior didn't have a very good reputation (and had like 7 or so douchey jock boyfriends). To spread the lie, the opportunistic twat gave KKJunior my phone number so she could message me. At first it was fine. I actually felt ashamed 'cause I thought I'd made her feel awkward. Our first few conversations were pretty good but then she suddenly started asking me if I love her and made me call her "my babe" which I did out of lacking assertiveness. I never wanted to be her date. She told this to her friend who made the joke in the first place who told the pain-in-the-butt loudmouth who then told everybody in my orchestra class. It felt like the whole corner of that class was laughing at me. One guy even made a stupid cover for a song just to make me want to punch him more than I already did (he bullied me a little in 6th grade). Eventually, I couldn't do it anymore and just refused to respond to her texts and stopped saying hi to her. I know I sound like I'm over-reacting but trust me it was awful. At first, I just played along with the joke but then it really started getting old and annoying.
    As for my gender in all this, I felt even more uncomfortable than I already did because of it (and this was before I knew what being trans meant). I recall feeling weird being called a boyfriend and feeling horrible texting "I love you" and calling her my babe. I mean, I would have felt weird if I were cis it's just that I really didn't associate with this relationship at all. Not one bit. It was just a horrible relationship but I didn't feel any connection whatsoever. I kept wondering why I didn't feel like a boyfriend which continued and led to me thinking I was bi or a gay dude before realizing what gender id meant.

    ---------- Post added 8th Jun 2016 at 05:09 PM ----------

    To add, back then I never got why anybody would want a relationship. The idea just seemed uncomfortable to me. Same with sex (and this was around the time hormones start taking over). When I tried to picture myself in a relationship, I pictured myself as a guy loving a girl but I was never happy during those fantasies. Sexual fantasies were the worst and I dreaded the idea of sex entirely. Once I realized I was trans, I started picturing myself as a girl in my romantic/sexual fantasies and suddenly, I felt so connected. The person I was picturing actually felt like me rather than some random person who I have to be.
     
    #4 Glowing Eyes, Jun 8, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2016
  5. randomconnorcon

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    I've only just put a foot in the dating game's door. Kissed a couple of people before and people liked me, but I never dated. I never liked the idea of it, because I didn't want them viewing me as a girl or only liking me because I was a girl. Now I don't know if I want to hear what people say if they find out I'm trans. I guess we'll find out. But I've had many matches from gay guys and straight girls with no knowledge of me being trans, so I'm calling it a tentatively positive start.
     
  6. thepandaboss

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    I've only long-term dated one person since transitioning. Almost two-year long relationship with a cis man who, in retrospect, was pretty manipulative and abusive. He tried to stop me from getting any surgeries while, at the same time, lauded about his fetish for trans men and, as I found out when I was in too deep, wanted to "date a harem of trans men" and "convince them not to multilate themselves".

    I'm kind of stepping back into the dating game, slowly but surely. I'm not looking for anything right now but I'm already signed up for apps and dating sites, just sort of getting a feel for the scene. Intimacy is kind of a problem right now. I might even just wait until post-top before I really decide to get serious again.
     
  7. iiimee

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    Aww, I'm sorry babe! :frowning2: I don't think I'm getting bottom surgery unless they improve how those things look, but I definitely want top surgery and will probably feel uncomfortable being intimate without it, not that I'll let it stop me if I really want to, I guess. :/ Man, I really want a packer right now... Most people I've dated had a fetish for trans women, actually. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: