After quite a long time of soul-searching and introspection it turns out that I'm not the 130% bro, cishet, bisexual nut case many of my friends know me to be. I'm not gonna lie, these things are still true. Except... for the cis part. I've been doing a lot of research on different labels to determine what I am and have come to the conclusion that I am, quite possibly, bigender. There. I said it. I've known this somewhere deep down for a while now and I just really felt the need to say it and make it tangible. I always sort of knew that there were two sides to me. Additionally, these two sides expressed themselves in different ways. One masculine, one feminine, and rarely a mix of the two. But that isn't to say that there's two OF me but rather two halves of me. But a problem I keep coming back to is pronouns. I'm comfortable in my (visibly) male body and I haven't really experienced any notable dysphoria so is it "okay" to hold on to male pronouns? Or would I just be invalidating myself every time I come out? I don't know. With some close friends that I'm out to I've been trying they/them pronouns to get a feel for them but it's all still so new to me. I came out to my queer peer group because I knew they'd be accepting and I just really had to get it off my chest somewhere. Although perhaps I wasn't quite ready for that. Come to think of it I'm still not entirely positive on my label. Ugh. What an emotionally intense last few days.
You don't have to think of pronouns as gendered, even if it's considered the norm. Changing pronouns is a little weird at first, so if you would rather use they than he it'll take some time to get used to. But you can also use he either way if you want to. Or you can switch when you feel one more than the other - some people talk about using bracelets or buttons, etc, to tell people around them which pronouns you use at the time with colors or the words. Labels, like pronouns, also take time. I decided to just go with it - I still am. My label here says male because that's how I want my body to be physically, if people want to see me as something I'd prefer male. But inside I often go between male and agender, sometimes a feel for the two, so I've been looking at genderfluid, bigender, and transmasculine. It's a wibbly-wobbly thing and you'll find one that feels more right for you. It's nice to have accepting people to talk to about it; they'll generally be there to help you through it. Good luck.
