So after been waiting to see a psychologist (instead of my regular therapist) about anxiety and most important my gender identity I feel utterly destroyed. He was just supposed to go through the facts I’ve talked to my therapists about, and send me further to a facility I can get help and care about my gender identity. Instead he tested me, seeing if I really am trans, and if I really have anxiety. I know exactly what his questions are from, what they’re meant to do. He wasn’t trying to be mean at all, just doing his job. But that he and some others are supposed to have a meeting to see if I even qualify to get the care I so desperately need? That just feel so crazy in a way, they’re basing this on some few questions he just asked me in 40min along with other topics. I am terrified that I won’t get any help, he asked me if I’m depressed and suicidal and I said no. But honestly? I have no idea what will happen if I don’t. I mean where do I even go on from there? I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared..
I can totally understand. But these people aren't there to harm you. They are there to protect you. People make mistakes and sometimes you can't identify yourself correctly. But the chances that you are right are very high. So be honest and keep in mind that the statistics are on your side.
He asked me how I knew I was trans and how it felt and I've been so nervous about this appointment that I just blanked. I can't even recall what I said but I know it didn't sound.. Right... It's also the thing that I've been waiting more than half a year for this appointment and probably the same amount of time or more when they actually sent me somewhere to recieve trans care, if something doesn't go wrong now that is...
The worst question ever...but I'm sure they're used to insecure anwers. There is no right and wrong and if something is not clear to them they will ask again. So you have a second chance.
Anthracite is right - they're used to insecure answers. Any mental health professional with any experience will understand that "blanking" on an answer is more often a sign of something being super important than it is a sign of being inauthentic. Try to remember that this was an assessment, not a job interview. They weren't trying to decide whether or not they are going to help you. Quite the opposite in fact - they were trying to decide how BEST to help you! If you're really worried, I would suggest giving them a call. Tell the receptionist (or whoever answers the phone) that you had an intake and are feeling a lot of anxiety about how it went and where to go from here. If you're being treated for anxiety, an increase in anxious feelings is something they'll want to know about anyway. Also, if your feelings of depression and suicide have increased at all, let them know that. And definitely be honest about the fact that you're really scared of not being able to access the treatment you need. Trust me - these are the exact things they want to know and NEED to know. The best part about making such a phone call is that you can write yourself notes and practice beforehand to help prevent yourself from drawing a blank or accidentally leaving something important out. Good luck!
In my opinion, yes, the people working there are just doing their jobs - but the system is still oppressive as hell. In reality it's just an upgraded version of when they used to forcibly sterilize us or lock us up in asylums. I also get so pissed that they have to ask the same. Damn. Questions. Over. And over. Again. It kind of makes you feel like there's no end to it, doesn't it? The good part is there is an end, though, and it'll most likely be a good one. The future you dream of will transcend wispy wishfulness in due time. Your being anxious isn't going to change that. It might be something it feels like they're caught up on right now; I feel that way too. But as for me, I try to get as much out of this as I can while I'm there. I know it's going to take a while and there doesn't seem to be very much I can do about that for some godforsaken reason - but I have other problems too, so I'm grateful I get to see a psychologist and stuff.
We've already talked about this at length, but I wanted to add something. Next time they ask you a question and you just blank, tell them to wait a second, take a deep breath and think about the answer. You're not being timed and sometimes you can't immediately answer a question in a way that lets you accurately convey how you feel. It is better to take the time necessary to say exactly how you feel.
Thank you all for the replies... I'm still very very scared... I have an appointment next week with a regular therapist there to just do check ups.. I'm planning to tell her all about this... Hopefully she can forward it. I would call but I have really big issues making phone calls.
