So I am born female, but I am absolutely uncomfortable with my chest and genitals. But I haven't exactly thought about wanting to be male, it's not exactly a sheer need to be male it's more "Do I want to be male? I dunno really?" And "I really don't want to be female....." All I do know is I don't want what I have, but at the same time I don't want to be without a gender physically. I don't really call myself he/him but for some reason when a customer at work or a person out in public calls me mister and sir I just feel delighted. Although being called she/her makes me mildly uncomfortable, but nothing I can't handle. My self confidence skyrockets when I cross dress in public and people see me as a guy. But when it comes down to thinking about being physically male I'm just unsure, I've never been physically that to really know if that's what I want. I'm not out to many people in general about this issue except for my mom, in which I'm still kinda in a I don't know state but she's aware I'm thinking about it.
Hey ^^ It's possible that you're FTM and still getting to the used to the idea of physical and social transition. You don't have to transition if you don't want to but it doesn't sound like you're very comfortable with your body at all. It doesn't sound like you're cis to me, you might also be a demiboy or transmasculine. So, I do think that you're trans, that doesn't mean you're definitely FTM but probably leaning toward male on the gender spectrum. I used to feel like you when I first started questioning, it took me around four months to get comfortable with the idea of being trans and of transitioning. Of course, everyone's different and maybe it'll take you more or less time. Hope I helped, good luck
Ahh thanks this actually helps a bunch, I'm still new to all these terms but I looked them up and I feel a bit more comfortable now. I've only just begun seriously thinking about it since recently I got a job in which I don't get to hide in a small room away from people anymore so more people comment on my /gender/ and try to get me to wear clothes that show off curves and it's really starting to get to me as to how uncomfortable I am with my body. My general discomfort has always been there, but now I'm just taking a good hard look at what it is I want. It took me awhile to figure out my sexuality but I was also fighting myself trying to forcibly convince myself that I'm a straight female for the longest time, this time I won't be fighting myself so I'll find my for sure answer eventually. Thank you so much for helping!
Just so you know, I also acknowledged that I was not female long before I recognized that I was actually male. As soon as I allowed myself to really think about it I decided being male would be far preferable
Dido I also went as far as hating everything masculine about myself, before I realize they were the parts of me I loved the most.
This is what I did as well. For me, admitting that i was not female really gave me the freedom to be able to explore who I really was. So, for some, the first step to exploring your gender is admitting that you may not be cisgender. That takes some time to adjust to, so this is not something that happens overnight. Take your time, explore in the ways that you feel comfortable, and you'll figure things out
Yeah, I actually told a few people like three years before I realized I was ftm that I didn't consider myself female. Not even coming out to them, to me just stating the obvious. But it took a while before I realized I was male. It took imagining what it would be like if I actually was male and treated as such to realize I would want that. It just took a long time because I was in denial and I thought at that time I could never do surgery or hormones or come out as trans even if I was. So at the time I probably considered myself more agender than anything, though I didn't really have that term in my vocabulary to describe it. I felt so strongly that I was not female but it was hard to call myself male when I look and sound the way I do. Now that I am much more open to hormones, being male sounds very appealing and perfect.
Oh gosh thank you for all the replies. I never knew so many folks have gone through what I'm currently going through. All I do know is that I truly don't want to be female but I've never really had a chance to talk about it before. But yeah I'm going to take my time to explore and kind try to wrap my head around the idea of being male perhaps, it might take awhile but I think I have plenty of time to decide. Again thanks so much for the replies because I've been severely struggling with this idea for quite awhile now. And I've felt really alone about this since my close friends have been struggling on how to respond to my confusion since they obviously have never really gone through this before. Which on their end is fine they're trying to understand but I feel more at ease now and overall I'm going to take my time to explore who I am.
