I have been on feminizing herbal supplements for the past 3 years, on and off. Every time I go back on, I feel ever increasingly aligned with my own happiness. Yet, I cannot seem to accept for myself identifying as a female. It's the craziest thing. I understand labels are worse for wear than just being, but I am scared. I don't know what to do. I have very few friends. In fact, two years ago, on New Years Eve, I came out as transgendered to four important people. I had it in my head that night to tell these four people, and in a specific order. Needless to say, the results were rather debilitating. I actually believe my coming out to these 4 people was a mistake. Because I lost them all as friends and felt the social ridicule from their sphere of influence. Instead of receiving the support that I had hoped to receive, I had comments thrown my way about wanting to "cut my penis off." I apologize for the lewd inclusion, but that remark (from my ex-boyfriend), essentially set me on a path of quietism towards accepting my own sexuality. Nevertheless, here I am, 2 and 1/2 years later, completely despondent in my male body, feeling hopeless against ever being with another person who could love me, and I want to cry. But I can't. I need to be grateful for the life I have. Reason being, I have no one to trust. My family is supportive of my being gay, but I cannot tell them of how I feel, because I do not trust them. I do not wish to go into detail publicly about why I do not trust them, but because I hold them to a higher standard, I find myself in a position unable to cope with the reality of my own dilemma. The only people I feel closest to is my family, and yet, I cannot tell them because of circumstances from my past. I have a very close friend. But, I fear that I will lose her if I tell her like I told my 4 friends before. I cannot lose her. I feel alone and scared and unsupported. I appreciate any advice or posts hereafter that might offer some solace or guidance to accepting who I am. Much love, MJ
I'm so sorry you had to go though that. I can understand why that would discourage you from telling others. What I would do with the friend you're scared of loosing is bring up Caitlyn Jenner, or the trans bathroom use debacle, or some other trans topic in the media right now and try to gauge how accepting she is. Then make the decision of whether or not to tell her accordingly. Good luck (*hug*)
I say tell that friend of yours about how you feel,if she leaves you she wasn't that good of a friend anyway. I have been feeling the same as you but the fact that I'm 17 and I can't support myself and my family doesn't understand or accept lgbt people just makes it worse. Can you live by your own? Pay for your transition? If yes you are free to do it,idk how your family will react but keep in mind that it is your decision.
Thanks for the advice friends. Good call about bringing up a trans-related topic, Pistachio. I hadn't even considered doing so, that's how narrowly focused my mind has been over the past month. As for the living situation, well... unfortunately I cannot afford to live elsewhere and pay to start the process at the moment with university funds. So I'll either have to consider waiting until after a graduate 3 years from now (which I cannot see myself enduring) or come to terms sooner or later and face the consequences. I suppose this is something I'll have to think about carefully. But I will definitely let my friend know. Thanks again!
