Okay, so I'm sure you've seen already what a coward I am for no reason since so far four people know I'm trans now (five if you include my therapist) and nobody gives a shit. And yet I was terrified to tell those people and am still terrified to tell people even though I have yet to have negative reactions. Continuing on that path, do you think it would be inappropriate to come out to some people via text? Just with close friends, prolly not family. I just don't see my friends that often anymore and I really want them to know and don't want to wait. I see them sometimes, but it is usually in a group setting where I'm not comfortable with everyone in the group knowing. And even if I somehow got them alone, I don't know if I would be able to get the words out. Or if I could, it would take several meetings. Would you personally be offended if someone came out to you as trans over text message? Would you still take it as seriously? Would this make things awkward for you in the future? Or have you actually come out to someone over text message? I'll admit, I'm not completely sober. I really want people to know right now. I'm trying to compose some sort of message that I can send to just a few of my close friends that I can easily personalize so I don't have to say this out loud to anybody, at least until I'm really accustomed to talking about it. The friends that I'm talking about, I don't think that they would have a negative reaction at all, but I still just can't see myself bringing it up to them verbally, especially given the issues I mentioned earlier in this post. But they definitely need to know before I start transitioning. One of them is actually a transman and I have told four people before him! Thoughts?
There's no shame in coming out over text, although it might be a good idea to proofread what your about to send while sober. And personally, for me, it's hard to follow up when coming out over text. Like it's easy to awkwardly avoid (while in person ) what you said over text. But especially with the news recently, and if you type out a few paragraphs or more, I'm sure you'll be taken seriously.
Lol well I'm sober enough to ask for advice first...also I know if I was completely sober I might never say anything. Also, look how good my spelling is? But anyway, I don't think I'll do anything tonight, but might still consider coming out via text sometime soon...
I'd definitely recommend it if you're having trouble doing it in person. I came out to two people via text and it ended up being fine. If anything, we became just about as closer together as if I told them face to face. Just hope for the best and prepare for the worst. That's what I've always been told about the coming out process.
I came out to pretty much all my close friends via online text and posting. I spend days editing the piece that I would send to them to make sure it went straight to the point without wandering and said what I wanted to say in the tone I wanted to say it. It was still tough to send but it felt better in the long run. I think people understand that this is easier for me than talking (even though it was still hard!!!) So just choose what works easier for you, I think. If your friends or family want to talk about it in person afterwards, then that will be that.
A text might not be the ideal way to come out, but it's still pretty good. I came out to all my close friends (about my sexuality) via text because I was too nervous to do it in person, and that went completely fine.
Well, I'd recommend that you make sure you can communicate well through text with the person you're texting. If things go wrong in text conversations due to the medium already, it won't get better when you add potentially emotional material to that. But if you can do that, I think it's acceptable. If the person is important to you and text feels insufficient, I think you could still set up a time to talk about it face to face when you text them to say it. That way you can tell them you need to talk about something, tell them what it's going to be about, and then give them some time to cool off and think about it before you go for any Q & A. Removes pressure and anxiety without being dismissive.
I have a message typed up that sounds pretty good to me but I get soo nervous just thinking about sending it. I will prolly just send it to my two best and oldest friends, most likely not my dad and stepmom...Jeez, why I am so nervous? There is less than zero chance they will react negatively...what is wrong with me? Here is the message. Lemme know if you would change anything: "Soo I've been trying to find an appropriate time to mention this to you for quite some time now, but I believe I am trans. I really wanted to tell you in person but I just didn't know how to bring it up. I've only told a few people so far. I've suspected this might be the case for about five years now, and there were subtle signs before that, but I've really only come to accept it this last year. So yeah. You're probably not shocked or anything, but I just thought you should know. I will likely be socially transitioning soon, i.e. switching name and pronouns and whatnot. My chosen name is Patrick (or Rick or Ricky if you like) and I've had that in mind for a few years now. It is the name my mom would have given me. It won't be long before I start testosterone as well. I'm in gender therapy and my therapist is ready to give me my letter whenever I ask for it. And when I pay off my last appointment...but that is neither here nor there lol. Like I said, only a few people know, but it isn't a secret or anything. I am just having a hard time getting the words out for some reason." ---------- Post added 15th Jun 2016 at 06:45 PM ---------- Do you think that is too much at once?? ---------- Post added 15th Jun 2016 at 07:01 PM ---------- I edited out some of the details so they can just ask about the name and stuff. "Soo I've been trying to find an appropriate time to mention this to you for quite some time now, but I am in gender therapy and believe I am trans. I really wanted to tell you in person but I just didn't know how to bring it up. I've suspected this might be the case for about five years now, and there were subtle signs before that, but I've really only come to accept it this last year. So yeah. You're probably not shocked or anything, but I just thought you should be one of the first to know. It isn't a secret, but I am having a really hard time talking about it even though so far no one gives a shit or is particularly surprised... " ---------- Post added 15th Jun 2016 at 07:10 PM ---------- Oh shit I texted one of my friends just telling her I have to tell her something. I haven't told her anything else. I am like shaking and weak in the legs
I hope it's going / it went well! If you haven't sent out the text yet, I'd recommend changing "I believe I am trans" to just "I'm trans" cuz it's always good to sound confident when coming out (leaves less room for others to doubt you). Regardless, the rest looks good! Coming out is difficult and scary, but I know you've got this. Keep us updated, and good luck
i think it sounds like a good idea. When i came out i just phoned and that was ok for me cos i was too nervous about saying it face to face. the only people ive come out to not by phone are people at school who im not friends with, and my mum and brother. my brother was cool, but i had to sit there and see my mum cry, which made it more emotional i guess, but i think it made it seem like more of a serious thing.
Important conversations should happen face to face. If that can't happen, voice phone calls are a very distance second. Don't consider other options. What happens if you text, and the person doesn't get the text right away. That's happened. Are you going to be freaking out about the person's non-response? What happens if somebody's phone dies in the middle of the conversation. Awkward. It's scary to have a face to face conversation. But it's better. If you're afraid of not getting words out, my child made a pamphlet so they could put everything in writing, and then wait while my wife and I read it. If you're going to have a conversation, do it in person.
