I am just miserable. I've barely spoken to a soul in the past week. I just don't have the will or the energy. I am so dissatisfied and unhappy with everything. There's no closure. Only fuzzy feelings of sadness and being out of place. I saw this comic a while back that compared dysphoria to Chinese water torture. I think they hit the nail on the head, there. Even in my confusion, where I'm not sure how to identify or if this will last, there's one thing that's clearer than everything else. "I just wanted to spend some time with my two lovely girls!" *drip* "She's not a guy!" *drip* "Daughter" *drip* "Sister" *drip* Remembering I'm not flat chested- *drip* Looking in the mirror- *drip* Each time it wears me further down. It's only been a few months since this burning discomfort started to develop, and I'm not even sure I'm ready to say I'm trans.. And yet it's all that I think about. What comes next? What am I supposed to do about this? I'm afraid this is affecting everyone around me.. I don't want to bring down their spirits, but mine are already so far underground I can't seem to help it. I'm so scattered. I hate talking about it. I'm putting off telling my dad, which could move me further forward (whatever forward is) for that reason alone. Explaining it makes it more real, fake, confusing, underwhelming, overwhelming, and scary all at once.. And I'm not sure anyone understands.
I completely get what you mean, I experience that too, although in different forms. When I notice being treated like a girl, people interacting not with me but with a mask, all those awkward moments of total miscommunication, that gets me. But I don't know what to do about it myself. I'm just working towards a fuller transition, towards changing of how I present myself, and hence how I'm being seen, because it can get me out of this, I hope.
Yes, it's like being stabbed each time you get misgendered. It's why it's important to take steps at your own pace to truly express yourself, even if they're just baby steps. It's definitely painfully tough to talk about these feelings for the first time...but it gets easier and you'll ultimately be glad you did. I wish you luck.
Ah, yeah. I've had that too.. It's lessened since I cut my hair short, but it's a really crappy feeling. Good luck (*hug*) ---------- Post added 15th Jun 2016 at 03:59 PM ---------- Thank you <3
The worst part is not being able to correct people -_- I've pretty much given up correcting my mom because she practically rolls her eyes every time I do it, and she still "daughter" and "you girls" me all the time.
Ugh I know, I'm sorry. It's like, "ouch, right in my validity". Then again I don't really have anyone but myself to blame because I haven't requested any specific gendered language for people to use in reference to me.
Why is she struggling so much to acknowledge who you are? ---------- Post added 17th Jun 2016 at 06:02 PM ---------- Is it religion, personally beliefs, punishment?
