Hi ! So I'm AFAB and for maybe a year i've been questioning my gender a lot. I used to just go along with being female because i've always been to an all girls school (still do, though there are lots of gender non conforming people and even transguys lol) and i didn't really have the option to not be girly because i've never had friends that were boys, or brothers or cousins etc...About a year ago i decided i liked the term agender, but now i feel more strongly not female...Like I'm unsure if i would prefer to be male, but I just do not feel female. I hate my breasts (I'll probably get a breast reduction even if I don't end up wanting top surgery) and my hair (its at my shoulders now, currently in the process of persuading my mum to let me cut it , because she doesn't want me to look like a boy :/ ) Also I feel like I identify more with the name Luca than my birth name (Ava) , so I'm trying it out a bit, like I put it as my username here .... I have no idea which pronouns make me happy either, because 'they' sounds a bit unnatural for me,so i dont know... I also feel like my gender is pretty fluid... like one day i'll be okay with wearing a dress and not think about my gender at all, but other days i'll just sit there wishing I were a boy and feel very dysphoric about my body and voice, but I can never find something I can completely identify with! Basically I am just very confused, so I'd be really happy if someone could give me advice or suggestions because I just want to figure out who I am!!
Hi Luca (really like that name btw) ^^ It's a bit hard for me to give suggestions since you're not sure if you're male or agender and that's okay, it can take quite a while to find a label which feels comfortable Since you do not feel female at all, I think it narrows it down a bit. You might be transmasculine, a demiguy/boy, bigender (male + agender) or even FTM. It might be beneficial to do some research on those labels and keep experimenting with gender. Besides male pronouns, there are also other gender neutral pronouns like ze/hir that you may feel more comfortable with. Of course, you could always identify as genderqueer or non-binary if you prefer a broader label and no others fit. Good luck!!
Hi thank you so much!! Yeah I think I like just genderqueer for now, since I am still trying to figure out what I like,, but thank you for your suggestions!! I never really thought of being bigender in that way!! And I feel like that is definitely how I feel on some days, I guess I'm just worried I'm just going through a phase of being uncomfortable with myself, because before I started questioning, I can't remember being uncomfortable being female!!! Ah well, thank you Colin!!
No problem ^^ Bigender just means identifying as two different genders, I think that male and female is the most common combination (from what I've seen at least) but it can be any two genders. This might be wrong but someone once told me, when I was questioning, that only 30% of trans people know as children and that it's rarely a phase. I don't know how accurate that is but that's what I've been told. It's not weird to start feeling dysphoria as a teen because the differences between male and female become so obvious when puberty starts. There were some small indicators during childhood but for me, it became very clear that I wasn't cis when I hit puberty. Anyway, I'm glad I could help!!
