I just joined and this is my first post, so first, let me say hello. I have suffered low level depression for a few years, I thought due to my job which I didn't feel was fulfilling. However, more recently, during bouts of deeper depression, I have found myself questioning my sexuality and/or gender. In particular, I love the music of John Grant; whenever I hear the song glaciers I end up crying. It resonates with me too much to ignore. I'm trying to work it out and would welcome some perspective. I'm 40+ man, married to a women whom I love. Kids. I would say I'm straight - I like women; find it hard but not impossible to be arroused by men; I find feminine men interesting. I can easily imagine, even enjoy the idea of being a women being f*cked by a man. I like porn MFM - not interested in MFF or lesbian porn (which I keep reading *all* straight men like..) I do feel frustrated/limited by my male gender. I'm envious of the clothing options open to women. Also there is the stress of fulfilling the clichéd strong 'breadwinner' role (hence staying in job I haven't particularly enjoyed). I'm comfortable with - even like - my male body. Though perhaps wish I wasn't so tall. But I would like to express myself in a more feminine way. As you can see, I'm all over the place - conflicted. I'm thinking of visiting an LGBT bar. Just to see if meeting/socialising will crystalise something. My wife would be very understanding I think - would probably even accompany me. (this would NOT be about hooking up) One thing that does worry me is that I think my wife prefers a 'strong' male type sexually (think viking!) so what will happen to our sexual relationship if I move away from that. I'm thinking of getting counselling to discuss this along with my depression more generally. I would welcome any suggestion, even labelling. Or anyone else fit this and can offer advice? Apologies for typos/broken grammar - from mobile.
