So, I'm a designated female at birth, but I can't necessarily say that I identify as a cisfemale. I've considered the possibility of being genderfluid, or even transgender, but throughout my searching of the interwebs, there's not an option that makes me say 'Woah, that's me'. I've never really done this before, so ah, I guess I'm a bit terrified. I guess I should explain a little bit about myself now, both physically and mentally. I experience body dysphoria, though not to an extent where it's crippling. I do have relatively small breasts, I have moments where I wish I was more flat chested. I don't like the prospect of periods, and have an aversion to the fact I could possibly some day bear a child from my body. I resent my body fat, especially around my stomach and thighs, though I do believe this is more because I was groomed to appreciate society's picturesque women moreso than accept myself for who I am. My shoulders are broad, a fact I often take pride in. My hair is worn in a shortish cut, and I am constantly brushing my curly hair forward as to cover my forehead. My mother has remarked before that I should stop doing so, as 'it makes me look like a boy'. I don't like wearing tight, girlish things, and am always found wearing some semblance of a sweatshirt. I dress in jeans and baggy t-shirts, even in the summer. Men's fashion is more appealing to me, looks more comfortable in my eyes. For as long as I can remember, I've always been somewhat of a tomboy. I've found I get along better with boys than girls. My likes are typically designated as rather boyish, if I had to choose a standard. I don't have a preference when it comes to pronouns, though if asked to select I gender when signing up to websites I typically select one other than my designated one at birth. I experience moments of glee that bubble up whenever my gender is mistaken, and have no aversion to be hailed as something other than female. When drawing myself, I portray 'me' with an androgynous build. I've done exercises, picturing myself as a man. Taller, perhaps with a stronger jawline. Obviously more attractive icon_wink). But at the same time, I can't imagine myself going through the process of becoming one. I'm not sure I want to be a man, inside and out. There is nothing within my mind that screams 'I was born in the wrong body'. Just a jumbled mass of confusion that wonders if I am who I truly want to be. When it comes to romance, I feel no need to engage in a relationship. I'm pretty sure I'm asexual, and while I do have moments where I fancy others, these shallow 'crushes' are often brief and are normally based upon appearance alone. I find all manner of people attractive, perhaps just a smidgen more so with men than women, but those I fancy don't always align to a certain set. I don't think I've covered all of what I want to say, but unfortuantly I don't know what else to write. What I know is that I want to puzzle out who I truly am, and hopefully by seeing the community's reactions and opinions, I might be able to sort thought this jumble in my head.
Born in a wrong body is more of a metaphor than a reality for most people. A way to summarize complicated feelings that sound more like what you wrote. I don't feel female, but I'm so strongly not male that it is a defining factor for me. And if you ask cis people how do they know they are their gender, usually they don't really know either. Such awareness usually comes from feeling some conflict. For all you've said, I can't give you an answer and frankly no-one here can with any degree of certainty... no-one but yourself. My tip: don't fixate on gender expression and as Jedi teach, search your feelings. Your gender is more in your way of thinking, emotions and even body language rather than your interests (although they are a sort of a hint, too, just not as important as people make it). To whom you better relate, would you say you experience emotions in a more masculine/feminine way, how you feel about your body, how you move... your inner self basically. What you wrote makes me want to suggest being bold and exploring the idea of being a guy. Your post hints that it could be the case... but you need to explore it and answer it for yourself. Do seek advice, though - it will help you filter the clues and ignore what doesn't contribute to your identity.
