I'm bisexual and the way I perceive it is ruining my life. I am not ashamed of it, but I do think it represents a disadvantage in this society, and I would like to be straight if I could just to make my life easier (e.g. not have to constantly re-come out, not have to deal with other people's mostly well-intentioned jokes, etc.). The problem is I don't see any way of changing my own mind. It's like someone born with a rare disease, without an arm, or short, etc. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You were born shorter than most, it's not your fault. But it's understandable that you'd like to be taller if you could, because that would make your life so much easier. I just can't get the people that say "I would not want to be straight". Why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you want your life to be easier? Some say "because it's made me who I am", but well, maybe you would be an even better person if you weren't lgbt, who can tell? I really, really want to learn to love myself, but it feels impossible. I go out to a bar or something and whoever I'm with will find someone to make out with immediately. They form friendships and bonds. And I just don't seem to be able to attract anyone. I feel unattractive and lonely and boring and unwanted. I know people are not attracted to me because I don't love myself and I don't show the confidence that comes from it. But I don't think I can love myself. I don't know what to do, please help me.
I think it's just a process of strengthening yourself through your own positives. Like your own good qualities that really have zero to do with your sexuality. Which, by itself, actually is a good quality. But I do think it has disadvantages. I know bisexuals are erased so often. The things you listed. It's actually not impossible to learn to love yourself. In fact, it's a necessity in life that isn't stressed enough. But don't feel bad because you're not able to right away. The Dalai Lama said it's like something you have to practice and work on like a muscle. We build up our self-hate muscles without realizing it until we're really strong at feeling bad about ourselves. That doesn't mean we're weak people or bad. But we have to build up our positive muscles to counteract that. That's difficult to do because life has a way of kicking us. But this is what we get and we were put here not to be sad but to be happy. To that end, though, we have to work on it really dilligently. Just that fact that you can come here and honestly tell strangers this about yourself? And that you're not building yourself up at the expense of others? Just evidence that you're a good person. You deserve the freedom to feel good about yourself as much as anyone else!
Why wouldn't I want to be straight? Because I would not have met so many amazing and diverse people within our little community. Because I don't think there is just one way for men and women to be. Because I've come too far to want to throw something like my sexuality away, just to have it a little "easier". Besides, plenty of straight guys could have written what you just have. In fact they can and do (I know, since I've been on the receiving end). When it comes to meeting people, it's mostly a game of "fake it until you make it". Some of it comes with practice. Also, are these straight, gay, or mixed establishments? I also don't see it as being a disease. Some might, but I don't. It's a smaller number than other sexualities, is misunderstood, and yes, does come with challenges, but I see it the same way I see being born black or female. You shouldn't see your bisexuality as a hindrance. If others don't like it, they can leave. You deserve understanding and acceptance. Expectations might also play a part. I just went to a popular club last week, and although awkward, did enjoy myself. There was lots of eye candy, and a friend of a friend bought me a drink. I'm not a huge bar or party person, but it had been a while since I spoke to this group, so decided to go for it.
I wouldn't want to be straight because all of my experience engaging in "heterosexual" romance and culture was a screwed up mess. Gender roles hurt, expectations were off, communication was nil. And then I started dating girls. And if we stuck to traditional gender roles, half of the stuff that needed to happen would just never get done. And that helped fix the expectations issue because there was nothing to take for granted. We were making our own choices on how to contribute, and that lead to making our own choices in how to run a relationship, which lead to us making a relationship that really did make us both happy. My relationship with my girlfriend is healthy in a way I never could have had if I was following (extremely unhealthy) example of relationships my parents gave me. And if you don't have obstacles in the way or extremely solid willpower, it's so easy to slip into familiar dysfunction. That's not to say that all heterosexual relationships are unhealthy by any means. Just all of mine were. And I'm so happy I ended up gay because that circumvented the issue and helped me heal. Not being a straight cis girl probably saved my life.
