I was born a female, but since I've hit puberty it doesn't really feel right. Nearly all of my friends are male, and I don't conform very well to female gender roles. I have a extreme dissatisfaction with my female sexual organs (as well as everything that goes with them). I hate my chest, and often bind it with an old sports bra. I also don't like my name, it's 'gender neutral' but is more often used for females, and I have the more feminine spelling of it. I also hate it when my teacher calls my friends and I "guys" but then corrects himself to saying "guys and girl". Sometimes, I am just so confused, I break down inside. I've always been a 'Tom boy' as my parents say, but I feel like it's more than just that. Any advice would help, thank you. :eusa_shif
If you don't like having female bits you are prolly not cis. You might get used to it, might not. How would you feel if you could take hormones?
It would probably make me feel a lot better about my body, at the moment, I am and have been consuming foods that (hopefully) lower estrogen and stop testosterone from turning into estrogen.
My advice for you is to just be you without worrying about labels. No one knows who they are when they're 14. The people around you who look like they've got it all together? They're completely lost, trying to figure out who they are. We all are. You've discovered that there's parts of you that you want to express that may be more socially difficult than others. That's fine. You wanna know why? Because you're fine. You're okay, whoever you are, whoever it is you'll become. Don't sweat it by trying to brainstorm everything to make yourself the "best possible you." Because the "best possible you" is you, the one right here, the one we get to share this world with. Live as you need to. Dress like a man if you need to. Don't hurt your body or try to suppress anything it does -- because your body is beautiful, and needs to develop. When you're an adult, you may decide to make some changes to it to better fit who you are inside. That's fine. But as a teenager, you can't let your confusion control you, make you force yourself into looking one way or the other, only loving one kind of person or the other. Follow your heart. It'll be a hard road. It was for everyone here. But we got through it, and life is better on the other side. But keep following your heart into whatever kind of life it leads you to. Don't worry about your name. Don't worry about your body. Don't worry about your sexuality. Don't worry about your gender. Don't worry about what your friends say, or call you. Don't worry about a thing but figuring out how you can best be who you are. All the other stuff will fall into line naturally as you go.
I know the struggle all too well. I hate it when my teacher says "you're the man! Wait, no, the woman!" or when he says guys and girl. I can really relate to what you're describing. I'm not too great at giving advice, but I hope for the both of us that we can get through to people and help them understand that we don't really appreciate being referred to by female words.
If you're still young and your parents are supportive you can use hormone blockers to "pause" puberty while you decide how you feel. Depending on your genetics and age it may keep your female characteristics (breasts, hips, etc) from developing further and allow you to get more out of T if you go that route later. That's not a necessity it's just an option. At your age (I assume early-mid teens) you really shouldn't worry about labels. If you have yourself pretty well figured out by the time you're 25, you're doing better than most. Remember that labels describe you, they do not define you. So the label that fits now may not in 5 years
Thank you for all the advice! So, I've tried to talk to my mom about being gender queer, and not liking things about my body, but she just believes that I am who I was born as, and that's a girl. She thinks if I do anything (like hormone blockers) that my life will be ruined forever, and that I will grow and extra leg out of my ear. My dad is also one of those people that is against anything that doesn't perfectly line up with his belief, and to him, that would be me being a straight female who wears dresses and acts all stereotypically female like. I just really want to figure out who I am as a person, and who I should think that I am. Because right now, when I think about who I am, I just draw a blank.
