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I don't know what's happening to me

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Jjanon, Jun 23, 2016.

  1. Jjanon

    Regular Member

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    I think this might be the right place to start, I just feel so trapped and alone and don't know where to start.

    I'm 33 years old married for 10 years with three kids. I've never felt like I was a woman trapped in a mans body, but ever since I can remember I've always been jealous of the girls and women in my life. I wished that I had been born a girl. Dressed in girls clothes whenever I could get my hands on some. I've always related better to women than men.

    I guess I was more or less okay with the status quo until recently, it's like something switched on inside of me and I've started.to think maybe all of this is signs that I'm an transgendered. Once I had that thought it won't go away and I don't know what to do. I love my wife and kids and I am terrified of what these thoughts could even mean to them.

    I don't know that I've ever felt so lost and alone before. I'm just so confused and upset and I literally didnt know what to do or anyone to talk to. I've never told anyone any of these things before. What should I do?
     
  2. Secrets5

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    You can still dress in ''women's clothes'' and still be a guy. Gender expression doesn't equal to gender identity.

    What makes you wish you should have been born a girl? [body dysphoria, social dysphoria - any other kind of dysphoria and/or euphoria?]
     
    #2 Secrets5, Jun 23, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2016
  3. Rickystarr

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    I know how you feel about everything just clicking all of a sudden. I was able to ignore it for years even though I had a nagging feeling something was wrong, then as soon as I acknowledged it, everything came crashing down around me and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

    Good luck figuring yourself out. (*hug*) keep in mid you don't necessarily have to be a transwoman. There are lots of non binary identities out there, or you could just be a feminine man or a crossdresser.
     
    #3 Rickystarr, Jun 23, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2016
  4. Jjanon

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    Secrets5, I'm not sure about dysphoria. I do know that I've never liked anything about my body, I always wished I could change it. And when I wanted for change it I wanted to change it to be a woman's. I wanted to be pretty. It wasn't like a terrible thing for me or something I thought about a lot, but when I did think about it that's what I thought.

    When I found stories of men transforming into women online I was instantly attracted to them, I read everything I could. But those were just fantasies, something that couldn't happen. And it seems like something changed in me recently and it's all I can think about.

    I just want these thoughts to go away. After having typed that, the statement feels childish. But I fee like I'm too old to be having these thoughts.
     
  5. alittlemore

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    You are not too old. I think it's natural to feel that way, but you're really not - we are always in the process of figuring ourselves out. Like Rickystarr said, there's lots of options for you, in fact you can be anything you feel comfortable being and you don't have to label yourself if you don't want to.

    I'm currently trying to figure myself out too, and I think the first step is to get in touch with people who have had similar experiences, like EC or a local support network. Good luck with everything! (*hug*)
     
  6. mercutio

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    It isn't at all uncommon for gender epiphany to occur later in life! Maybe you should consider watching Transparent? My friend's dad is a transwoman and she said that watching that show helped her to find the strength to come out and have compassion for herself, though I've admittedly never seen it, so I can't tell you what it's like.