Pressure

For me it just seems to be self pressure about my appearance, I'm always so concerned with how I look because it is the major way people see gender. I wear snapbacks, tank tops and mostly jeans, not the most feminine and I'm still ID'd proper most of the time. I like video games a lot too, I don't like very many "female" things when it comes down to it. In the end I'm still female.

May I ask where the pressure is coming from? Are others telling you these things or is it all imposed on yourself?

I can definitely relate to the trans label. I hate using it unless it's for medical reasons or where it is mandatory for some reason to be stated. Otherwise I'd just like to be a woman. Not a trans woman. You know?

 

The main pressure for me is time, mostly, as there is always that feeling that the later that I transition, the harder it will be and the less likely it will be that I will pass. I think the fact that trans women feel pressurized to be stereotypically female and then criticized when we do act stereotpically female, is one of the many hypocrisies surrounding people's perceptions of being trans and women in general. What makes this worse is that doctors often withhold treatment until they see a stereotypically female person in front of them. The fact that people aren't aware of how they are perpetuating gender stereotypes by governing how trans women present themselves is a reflection of societies hypocritical view of gender roles and stereotypes. On the one side, girls are pressurized to behave in a feminine way, wear makeup, shave, be a housewife and get married by both men and women, on the other, the same people might talk about gender stereotypes in a negative manner and criticize other woman for perpetuating those stereotypes. The expectations are never talked about directly, instead they are delivered through body language and insinuation. If you don't look feminine enough, then people start making random comments pointing it out indirectly or become less friendly and tolerant. :icon_sad:

(*hug*)

 

For a long time, I felt a lot of pressure to be more masculine. I'm a more feminine transman, so there were some that thought that it was odd that I was even transitioning. So, I decided that I would do the best that I could to fit into that hypermasculine role. As time went on though, I realized that this was making me really unhappy. So, I went against the pressure and started to re-embrace my more feminine side. I've been a lot happier since I have done this.

 

If it makes you feel any better, ALL women are under a lot of pressure to behave and present a certain way. Same with men. We all have a lot of unrealistic standards we are expected to adhere to, certainly moreso for transfolk, but still. I find that it helps to think of issues you see as transissues as just female issues in your case.

 

I feel a lot of pressure to be way more masculine than I am. It's usually linked to stereotypes too, but also notions that I have of how men are "supposed to" present/look like/act like. I'm still pretty androgynous some days in gender expression, and I'm either a bit too insecure to dress exactly like a cis man/cut my hair into a cis guy's type of short short hair cut, or I simply don't care for it that much. Tried all that, didn't like how it looked with my face and body now, so I scaled it back a notch. I'm still pretty masculine, but not as masculine as I was forcing myself to be and felt the internal pressure to have to be.

My interests are all over the place but they aren't that masculine either. Simply put, I don't fit that well into the male gender role or male stereotypes, and I always feel like I owe people (and myself) a justification and an explanation, when I simply don't.

Some days I just wish I were a normal guy who could be somewhat non conforming, sometimes be feminine when he wants to, and so on and so forth. Like I wish I could be consistently seen as a guy and live as one, and have free reign to dress however I like without feeling like I'm somehow betraying my own identity. Although I feel connected to my trans identity, I feel like with it I loaded some really unnecessary masculine/stereotypical/gender role pressure onto my shoulders - somehow I believed that being a trans man meant I had to be as masculine as possible to justify it? Not true, but I held that belief for some time, to the point where I was pushing myself to dress and act far more masculine than I was comfortable with. I'm more comfortable with being slightly more androgynous in look, and just letting my personality and interests roam free, even if they aren't "stereotypically masculine." I still look up to quite a few cis men, some of whom are indeed incredibly masculine, but that doesn't mean I have to embody everything that they are to be a valid guy.

I hate feeling like there's a checklist of criteria I have to meet to be manly enough, to be enough of a guy to call myself one, because there's never really a checklist. You're enough just because you're here and you're you. It's just taken some time to begin to internalise that.

 

No problem (*hug*) Glad I could offer some.

 

I sometimes feel that I will never be manly enough. So I compete a lot. Since childhood I brag a lot when among other guys. How much more I lift in how few time and what sick pushups I can do. How great I am at shooters. I have a disadvantage because as AFAB I lack testosterone so I need to work a lot more to get the progress in training others have.

 

I feel pressured to act like a guy. But that's largely because I'm not completely out. It mostly comes from my family. I don't really care what friends think. I just try to be myself around them. But that's when I'm in "straight" company.

Sometimes when I've gone to transgender support boards I've felt a different kind of pressure. The pressure to act "ladylike" and to join a hierarchy based on how far along you've transitioned and when. I get respecting people who've fought battles just to exist and have smoothed things over to a great extent for me. I think I have a broader range of choices and the generation that comes after me have even more and so on. But I want support and sisterhood and to be welcomed by family, not to be ostracized for being a trans woman the way I am. Which is the ONLY way I know how.

In the end you really can only be the best and most authentic you possible. You can't hold yourself accountable to the ideas and opinions of others. You were put on the earth to be happy not miserable. Anything that causes pain and unhappiness if at all possible should be removed. You will be healthier in the long run, live longer and you'll treat other people better and spread happiness more. That's how it works. Unhappy people lash out. Happy people don't feel the need to. So I'm working really hard on being happy. And that involves recognizing when people are pressuring me not to be true to myself and also when I'm doing it. And if I'm doing it, then I have to adjust to that, too.

 

I often feel pressured by myself to be more masculine or constantly prove to myself and to those I'm out to that I really am trans.

Then to those I'm not out to I feel this pressure to fit in. With my current attire and hair cut I know I stand out, like I'm that edgey punk kid who might cause problems. I'm not that person, I'm typical mild manner and respectful of people. I'm use to being seen as assuming so attention on me makes me want to hide, and I have to keep forcing myself not to.

 

I get what you mean.

Though I do feel some pressure to be more masculine, it isn't significant for me. I don't usually pay attention the opinions of those I, for lack of better terms, don't care about.

The main thing I do feel pressured about, in relation to my status as trans, is bottom surgery. It is something farther off in the future, but there seems to be a lot of stress on trans-guys to have a 'proper' dick. And frankly, that isn't something I care about or would even put to much use. Yet many unfortunately view transmen who don't have bottom surgery as incomplete or not real men. It's almost the first thing someone is bound to ask when you are transitioning.