Oh, how I hate this sentence. Ruins every day it appears, no matter how good it has been before. First of all: I'm NOT a girl. I am a man whose chromosomes have been f*cked up by mother nature. Second: It makes me feel disabled. I mean, if somebody with no legs wants to run a marathon, would anyone even think about saying: "You can't do that, you're disabled!" Any rational empathetic person would go and buy some badass protheses and chearlead for them, while they run that marathon. Where is the difference? I am doomed to miss out things which are in fact important to me, because of my body. That's not fair. Sorry for that anger-thread but I had to get that off my chest. It's so annoying :bang::bang::bang:
Just society pushing it's archaic views onto everyone based on nothing but physical appearance. There's a lot of idiots in power, so it probably isn't changing any time soon. 1) Anything a guy can do, a girl can do. It's not like we're lizards and moths here, we're the exact same species, damn. I've had to say that countless times, but it never sinks into their thick skulls. 2) You can't "gender" someone based solely on appearance. You've already made it clear that you're a guy. Some parents give their sons medication with weird side effects, and they end up growing breasts or something. Does that suddenly mean they're a girl? of course not. So why should it apply to you? Just my "two cents" I guess. Maybe it'll get easier as you press on.
Yeah, I wasn't allowed tonplay sports cause I'm "a girl". Totally pissed my dad off when he realized that my brothers' baseball and soccer team were co-ed. It made him look like a lair. On the flip side he would yell at my brothers whenever the girls played better than them. Ruined the fun for everyone. The whole "you can't do that because..." Thing is stupid. I can't do it you say? Just watch me.
I think it's very disrespectful to keep misgendering someone after they've been really clear about it. Without my intention, I've had people taking me for a girl, and each time I would politely clarify, and that's okay. I'm sure I'd be really annoyed if someone actively persisted in doing it. Now, we can't expect people to start asking what someone's gender is before addressing them. What we can expect, is people adjusting to our requests, which at the end of the day aren't all that outrageous.
@Kira: I don't know why I'm supposed to be a girl, honestly. I've freaked out all my life when told that I'm cute, same reaction you would get from any other boy. I would have rather died that wearing femine shoes, dresses or skirts. It would be more that stupid to say that a schoolchild is fighting pro-feminism that way. @Matto: You're so right. @andimon: I agree, it's more than disrespectful and annoying. Even now I get introduced as "the daughter". It wouldn't be too much of an effort to at least say I'm the child and use my gender neutral nickname. The worst is: It triggers body dysphoria for me. Never had too much of this, I mean I pass and I look quite good. But as soon as get misgendered I hate the whole package. It's like I will never be man enough and that all of my progress doesn't matter the slightest. But my parents would accept it, I'm sure of that but I think they wish it's not true and hide behind excuses. To them I'm just a teenager who looks for a group I belong to. Male character? Oh, I'm just emancipated. Wanting a male body? Oh, bodybuilders do the same. I don't want a female muscular body, I want a male muscular body. Like Alexander Ludwig... But they will accept a shit until they have surefire proof. Though they refuse to look for a therapist that specialises in gender. I shall go to my old not-specialised therapist. They refuse to let me go to meetings with other transguys in the area. I will go anyway, in secret. So I will have other people than my few friends who use the right pronouns. One of them even introduced me (for a prank) as his brother and at another time his boyfriend ^^
Yes, people need to gender you as you are not as they THINK you are. I mean, leeway with assumptions (sometimes) but after you make it clear then they need to show respect. Anything else is rude or else some retrograde political statement that is BEYOND rude. I caught flack going the other way. "That's for girls, boys can't do that." That convinced me I was a boy for a while or at least to TRY being a boy but it didn't take and only made me unhappy. On the other side of that is STILL "Girls can't do that." So people force you on this endless quest for authenticity when all you can do is be yourself as you're happy being! ANYONE can do ANYTHING.
It does make me annoyed too. Especially when it's coming from someone close to me, my brother in this case. "These are boy clothes, you can't wear them!" And misgendering someone isn't right. You're a guy, not a girl. You were born a guy. And why do we even have these sterotypical roles? Girls play with princesses, guys play with cars. Can't well all just express ourselves the way we want to?
Sometimes I feel like I'd rather have been told this more overtly, so at least I could have been more in direct opposition to it, and have a more clear stance on where I am with my own gender. I mean most of the 'misgendering' I've recieved has been in... more subtle... ways that I don't really know how to deal with, or how to combat, because they're not direct and to-the-point. I mean nobody really cared whether I was a boy or a girl, and for the most part I didn't care either, but I was raised as a boy becaues that was the body I was born with... so if I had ever been 'trans' I would have had no way of knowing. Too many other issues and arguments were constantly going on throughout my childhood, in large part due to... other diagnoses and 'mental health issues'... that I don't really want to have to get into at this point. I feel like not only is my gender 'masked' by my physical body's anatomical gender, but that my ability to tell what gender I am is masked by the utter lack of conflict about it (where there should be). Having had to deal with others telling me "you can't do that, you're a boy! " etc. might have given me more to go on to be able to tell what I am, and for that, I'm super jealous of you guys.
It is an out dated and cliche expression. People can do what ever they put their minds too with maybe the exception of a man giving birth unless science really takes a few leaps forward... I know plenty of women who can do more work on their own cars than many men can. I also know several men who shop and cook better than some women I know. Its the 21st century, we should be past all the 1st century crap we are still arguing about.
@Hint: It can be more subtle. I've always felt humiliated by people telling my I'm "cute". Especially in childhood everyone said this. I wanted to be a power ranger and fun-fought with my friends who wanted that also. Power rangers aren't cute...and even this subtle things can reveal it. They reveal as much as "You can't do that, you're a ..." @Shorthoul: I actually think a proper gentleman should cook very well ^^ @ Kasey: Oh, the sports thing. All boys were playing football, and girls (and me) had to dance. This was so terrible. I can't remeber how often I was "on my period" during that lessons.
Very much this! I can't relate how this must feel to a trans man but it's definitely a double slap in the face. Since its an insult to your individuality but it also ignores the correct gender you identify with. When people say these kinds of things to me, honestly it just makes me want to do them more. Jokes on them!:badgrin:
I don't really get this, but what kills me is "You're not like other girls." Or "You sure are (blank) for a girl." Like motherfucker I'm not one, that's why I don't act like one, stfu. Even if I was one, stfu.
I hate that, too! I hate hearing that I can't do anything because I am a woman! Gender roles are so horrible for folks like us.
