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Hard time expressing myself...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Invidia, Jun 29, 2016.

  1. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    I have a hard time expressing my gender because of two things:
    1) I have a lot of physical dysphoria and is very self-conscious, and
    2) I have major trust issues, don't trust people in general, and I'm scared to, as a person who was AMAB, express myself femininely, especially before I've transitioned medically

    Any tips on how to create a nice breathing space for yourself where you can express yourself freely, even before you've been on hormones at least a while, etc.? Sometimes I feel quite desperate to, like, just be me, but I feel scared and stuff... :<
     
  2. wolf of fire

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    We are very similar, I don't trust people much either. Do you have any one you trust with knowledge you are trans; just one can make all the difference. My advice is get some female clothes and wear them when alone (it's not much but it helps) and keep them well hidden.
     
  3. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    Yeah, I've got some feminine clothing, skirts and the like. I like putting them on by myself sometimes and stuff, though I don't do it very often. I don't have to hide them either, since I'm out to my mom (I live with her right now and for a few more months, probably).

    I have one friend I trust, he knows I'm trans and all. But the fact that he's a he is a little bit of a problem... please don't get me wrong and think I'm a sexist, I just... have some problems trusting men in particular because of things in my past and stuff... I'm more comfortable expressing myself among other girls, so to say... and I have very few friends. Like, one. So... that's a problem...

    ---------- Post added 29th Jun 2016 at 11:23 PM ----------

    A few other problems is that I live in a small town, and that I have poor confidence in general.
     
  4. NoXsOrOs

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    I think it's all about finding someone you trust, and letting them support you through the transition. At least thats the reason therapy is for; someone you trust. Unless your like me and don't trust anybody with a Hitler mustache, then a friend or family member is the best bet.

    (For me one of the reliefs is buying clothing.. It's like exciting for me etc)
     
  5. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    Well, I haven't trusted anyone for years... the problem is with me, not other people... :/ I take that to mean your therapist has a Hitler mustache? Yikes... lol... All my therapists/psychologists, etc. are female, so that's not an issue, lol.
     
  6. GenderSciFi

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    It can help to get used to expresaing yourself a bit secretly? Like, wear feminine underwear under your everyday clothes. Or experiment with little things, like earrings or single items of clothing. Also, having safe spaces really helps, like a trans support group or some kind or queer space. Maybe you can't go there wearing clothes you'd want to wear, because you'd have to go outside like that first, but you're still creating spaces for yourself where things could happen. Like maybe there will be a situation where you feel comfortable coming out to someone, be it a friend or a stranger. Try to meet other trans people if possible!
    Hope that helped a little?
     
  7. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    I do wear panties, boxers make me uncomfortable. That has helped a little bit, I think. I also have three earrings in my left ear, and I'm thinking of getting more piercings too. In the town where I went to school there was a queer cafe. I want to go there again. Only problem is it's about $30 back and forth to go there by train/bus from where I currently live in my hometown... I'm in a trans support group, though... although we only meet about once every month or every other month or so.
    I sometimes wear my hair quite femininely, like in a high ponytail or brushed to the side, and things like that, and I have gone out full on femme when I've been in the town where I used to study...
    Thanks.