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I Sometimes Hate Men

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Foxfeather, Jun 29, 2016.

  1. Foxfeather

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    Please don't get offended . . .

    But as a woman who is bi/lesbian (still questioning) and who acts tomboyish and who has been told so many times that short hair doesn't look good on women and I should grow it out, as someone who is genderqueer (though not completely trans), as someone in a female body cannot feel safe walking alone at night because rapists are out there (and, sorry, but the stats show that they tend to be men) . . .

    I keep falling into stages of envy and hatred of men, and then hatred for how straight women love them, and hatred of my body, hatred of how gender roles and nature has messed things up for me.

    It's not easy and I'm tired and I wish I can find some ways to come to terms with men. I almost feel attraction towards men sometimes, but I've noticed I've been fighting it off because I don't want to imagine sex with a man, I don't want to be the one on the bottom, I don't want to play the submissive role in the relationship, I don't want kids . . .

    I'm sorry. I just sometimes feel like something's very, very wrong with me or the world and I don't know what to do with all this anger and confusion. I wish I didn't have this hatred and envy, and it's a new development, but I do and cutting off or out things or tacking them onto my body isn't going to be enough. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin or society anymore and I don't know what I can do when everyone keeps telling me who or what I can or can't be or should be. I don't feel like I belong and it gets lonely. Nothing about gender makes sense to me anymore.
     
  2. NoXsOrOs

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    Your following stereotypical male outlines, frankly I consider men like carbon; they can become diamonds if you put enough pressure on them. Moving onward, it seems more like your falling into depression. Tread carefully, it may just be that you haven't found the right person to change your mind otherwise, and blocking off people will only make matters worse. Try to write down on a piece of paper, what makes a man/women wonderful and what makes them awful avoiding any stereotypes; and making the decision based only on your personal friendships. Remember their are billions and billions of men, and they are not all the same..

    I guess thats ironic in a way coming from me, but I hope my words echo some truth..
     
  3. AmyBee

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    Well, you're not alone. I have a LOT of the same feelings. I can't help but feel a lot of the hate is really just anger and self-directed anger at that. People definitely need to NOT tell you who to be or how to be! Anyway, it's great you're here talking this stuff out honestly!
     
  4. Mihael

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    I used to feel this way. But honestly, I'm not an angry person in general, and I'm trans so it's a different story. That was what people wanted me to feel. They wanted me stuck in the "appropriate" role. I told myself that anything a man can do, I can do too, and I'm not sorry for anyone whose views I destroy.

    Yes, women are more likely to be raped, but men are more likely to be assaulted otherwise. Everything has its brighter and darker side. I'm sometimes tired of this whole role of a man, I'm sometimes tired of being "tested" al the time. But I still prefer that. With the day I began remotely passing, immediately, someone wanted to beat me up in the street for being a faggot. I don't even know why I knew how to react properly, fortunately.

    When it somes to being with a man, you don't have to be submissive, there is not one way to have sex, and you don't have to have kids ever. And there is definitely nothing wrong with you.
     
  5. Invidia

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    Seeing as you haven't offered much of a critique of masculinity or anything like that here, it seems to me mostly like men are becoming something like a scapegoat for your frustration.

    Maybe think of men who you have known or know of who are really good people or have done really good things.
     
  6. Shorthaul

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    Heck I am a man and have large groups or types of men I hate. The fact you and other people don't feel safe walking alone at night makes me hate my own gender.

    Also know that there are plenty of women out there who are not submissive or bottom in the bedroom. And plenty who don't want to have kids, my wife is neither submissive or wants kids.

    You can be what ever you want to be, simply ignore those who try and confine you into their little boxes.

    I spent a long time struggling with my anger, and I can tell you its no fun to be angry all the time. I finally went and started seeing a therapist about it, because it was miserable and embarrassing to be that angry all the time. With as down as you seem to be, I would suggest finding a therapist to sit down with. You deserve to be happy and there is help, you just need to ask for it.
     
  7. Foxfeather

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    Hey everyone--

    Thanks for all the positive comments. I'm really sorry if I have upset or offended anyone. I know that everyone must be judged on an individual basis.

    I've come to realize something--most of the people who have told me comments on the way I present myself are either (a) family or people very close to me or (b) men who I feel talk about women as if they are mostly how "hot" they are or who date very feminine and beautiful (but shallow) women (who basically present themselves as meat more than a man's equal).

    When I think about it, the people who think I am "cool" or "amazing" all tend to be straight women. They're just very welcoming (and quite honestly, now that I think about it, I've had a fair share of straight women girl-crushing on me). . . It's just that guys, even though they think it's cool we can talk about how hot women are . . . they still tell me things about my physical appearance. If I have short hair, I am unattractive. If I have long hair, I am something to be wolf-whistled at. It's upsetting to have no safe place, no "middle ground" I can turn to.

    You guys on this forum, you have no idea how much it means to me that you're trying to examine my problems instead of judging me as solely a misandrist. I don't think I really hate men. Who can? But the things that certain men and that masculinity has encouraged is violence upon women for the pleasure or gain of a man . . . using masculinity as that excuse, that "boys will be boys". Trans women, I can't even begin to understand your struggle when guys are in such strict gender roles.
     
  8. Shorthaul

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    No offense taken here. And short hair can be really cute.

    Some times you just need to vent and hear that people do understand you.
     
  9. anthracite

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    It's interesting that you hate men. I had similar reasons, but I hated women and everything they stand for. In my case it went away after I had progress (more male clothing). It was some kind of projected dysphoria. Could that be the case with you?