1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Work is killing me

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by anthracite, Jul 2, 2016.

  1. anthracite

    anthracite Guest

    I want a job really bad, but I was told that I have to wear clothing for women and makeup. They expect a woman from my name and this is what they should get. I don't know how to cope with this. I know for sure I will be depressed for months again. It feels like a rape. I can pretend that I am paid for playing a role but really? It feels like all my progress is lost and I will be forever stuck in this body. Part of me wants to kill myself because of it. But I need a job and the other part thinks: Bullshit, welcome to reality. Put yourself together. Real men fight and don't cry.
     
  2. Kiran

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2016
    Messages:
    174
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    EU
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm looming for job now too. I understand the pain. I will play the woman role but not look femminine and act feminine.
     
  3. anthracite

    anthracite Guest

    What do you mean by not looking feminine?
     
  4. Kiran

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2016
    Messages:
    174
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    EU
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm wearing binder and male clothes, got male haircut. I'm choosing a work (new career in IT) where I can dress casually. I'm trying to be more and more masculine.
    Pronouns are bad enough. If I'd have to wear female clothes, I'd gone nuts.

    What kind of work are you interested in?
     
  5. anthracite

    anthracite Guest

    I have no choice in work. Most likely I will have contact to customers. That's why I'm so insecure. I'm also pre-everything...i don't know if pre-everything is safe for me (both job and health)
     
  6. Shorthaul

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2016
    Messages:
    1,498
    Likes Received:
    231
    Location:
    Idaho
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    What kind of work? I find it a bit odd anyplace now a days would be that strict with their dress code. Would it be possible to contact the Human Resources department and inquire about a more gender neutral dress code option?

    Even if you are dealing with customers, as long as you look professional, the gender choice of clothing shouldn't really matter.
     
  7. anthracite

    anthracite Guest

    Welcome to intolerant Germany, where we have rules and norms on how to take a shit. I would mostly be a shop assistant. Human Ressources Department is difficult in Germany. I assume it's our Arbeitsamt? It's better to stay away from them. They get you a lot of paperwork and put you on the street if you don't follow good enough. Maybe when I have one job safe, I can apply to other jobs until I have two and ask for gender neutral clothing at job number one and otherwise leave.
     
  8. Shorthaul

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2016
    Messages:
    1,498
    Likes Received:
    231
    Location:
    Idaho
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    A lousy job is better than no job. I stuck with a lousy job for two years before finding something better. Given your age, you might have to stick with some less than ideal jobs until you get some experience. If finding a job in Germany is anything like finding work here in the America...

    My best suggestion is hang in there, be professional at all times and keep your eyes and ears open for something better.
     
  9. anthracite

    anthracite Guest

    Thank you. You are right.
     
  10. Jiramanau

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2014
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    where all the nuts roll downhill to
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Honey, real men fight and then cry. I watched my dad do it for 25 years, and he was definitely a good man.

    All those feelings you have are normal. But you need to remember that this is only temporary. There are lots of employers out there that protect gender identity and you just need look for the ones in your area that do and work to get on with them. Until then, just remember that they can dangle that check out there and make you dance, but they cannot tell you who you are. Focus on the goal, and you will get there.

    Ps. Germany is in the EU, right? I'm pretty sure all employers are barred from discriminating on the basis of gender identity. You should check into that. I'm pretty sure that you can get a letter from a therapist and force them to use your preferred name and hold you to the male dress code instead of the female one.
     
    #10 Jiramanau, Jul 5, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2016
  11. Kiran

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2016
    Messages:
    174
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    EU
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Germany is in EU. But theory is one thibg and practice is another.