Sorry if I'm doing this wrong but this place is the only outlet that I have so i feel like I just vomit out things. It honestly feels like it did when I was a teenager, that's a weird side note. Anyway, once I actually said out loud that I thought i am trans, I have been going back through thoughts and feelings that I repressed from my childhood and adolescence that right now feel like big arrows pointing this direction. Arrows that I ignored and repressed. My wife was playing. Some early 90s Rock and all these great female artists come on. The first one is No Doubt Just a Girl and I get a flashback to how funny that song made me feel, sing in my mind in the first person. Then Alanis Morisette comes on and my wife makes a comment about how this was her power girl rock album and how I wouldn't understand because it was different for me, but it was EXACTLY the same for me, just I didn't understand what I was feeling. I am writing this while hiding from my wife, when what I should be doing is having this conversation with her. It's still too hard. But it also feels like there is more and more pressure every day to tak to her. It feels like I'm crazy but it's like everything is a sign now.
Aww. : ( That sounds like a tough situation you're in there. You're not doing it wrong, it's okay to vent. (*hug*) It can be hard talking to our loved ones about important things. Of course it's something you'll have to do in due time, assuming these feelings won't go away. You're not crazy. To feel gender dysphoria doesn't make you crazy.
It's funny how we see these things in hindsight. I had no concept of my own "transness" until I was almost 20, but my childhood is filled with signs. My favorite books featured crossdressed FtM characters and my favorite movie was always "Mulan". You should definitely talk to your wife, though. You don't have to discuss every little feeling with her (that's what we're here for, and she probably won't get everything). But you should tell her at least that you feel trans - it does affect her.
It's funny how we see these things in hindsight. I had no concept of my own "transness" until I was almost 20, but my childhood is filled with signs. My favorite books featured crossdressed FtM characters and my favorite movie was always "Mulan". You should definitely talk to your wife, though. You don't have to discuss every little feeling with her (that's what we're here for, and she probably won't get everything). But you should tell her at least that you feel trans - it does affect her.
I appreciate the input. I intend to talk to my wife, just trying to figure out how and when. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has had some hindsight revelations. I desperately wanted to be Ariel, and I also loved Mulan. I've been thinking about why I didn't make this revelation earlier in my life. Shame was definitely there, no doubt. Outside of my feelings the only transwomen I was aware of (and they were few and far between) were gay. I knew I wasn't gay at that point, so I figured I couldn't be trans if I had to be gay. I wish I had been smarter or stronger or braver or whatever when I was younger.
