I'm not to the point where I want to start dating, particularly, but I've been giving it some thought... The mechanics of dating as a trans woman. Before, it wasn't a big deal as a bi guy. I knew straight/bi girls and gay/bi guys were my "target audience." I felt like I was within the "moderately attractive" range and it was never that hard, other than the normal shyness stuff. But now, it feels very different. Now, presenting as a woman but still pre-op, straight girls are probably not into me and neither are gay guys. So, do I look for straight/bi men and lesbian/bi women? Fellow trans folk? I feel like I don't have the right "equipment" for lesbians or straight men to be into me. It's like my potential dating pool just shrank from "damn near everyone" to "hardly anyone at all," especially when you factor in that I'm 40 now. Am I destined to be alone? Sigh.
It was kind of the same for me when I was presenting as a guy and when I determined I was only going to date as who I really was, a trans woman, my dating life did kind of fade. Now I'm with someone I'm kind of only semi-out to (she thinks of me as a guy with very feminine qualities and interests) I don't really have to worry about it for a while at least. But at one time I went from fairly busy to "I might as well close up shop." People would look at me in my dating profiles and be like, "Gosh, you're such a hottie!" or "You're really cute!" I'd tell them thanks and ask them about themselves or something. Then nothing. No response, no follow-up, no follow-through. Like dozens of times a year. I managed ONE date in person with someone I was out to and even though we hit it off as friends neither of us was into the other romantically by the end of it. That's not to say it's hopeless. I know of a few people who are in committed relationships who either got into them openly as trans women from the start to others who came out within the relationship and they stayed. Not like massive numbers of couples like that, but a few. A very few. Am I envious? Oh yeah. But I think it CAN happen.
I've never dated so my dating pool can't be any drier xD But the advice I have been given is to be open minded and to not give up hope. Bi/pan people are your best bet when it comes to cis gender people. You will find some non bi/pan people who are willing to give it a go. Other trans people are always a safe bet. Just don't give up hope. Like any relationship it will take some dedication and communication and honesty. As well if you aren't being treated with the respect and dignity you deserve then leave that relationship. Don't stay with a person who treats you like shit or lesser than just because you feel you will be alone. A friend of my mom's is a lovely trans lady and she married a cis-guy, so she is proof to me that there is hope.
I would say Trans or bi/pan folk are generally the safest option partly because I know a transman who has always had a very active romantic life but almost exclusively with people who identify as bisexual. Men or women he is bisexual himself. As a previously identified lesbian/straight transman I would be open to dating a trans woman as long as she passed relatively well. I might have a Trace of bisexuality in me as well though since I would also consider having sex with a transman. Nothing romantic though. The good news is there are plenty of bisexuals out there.
