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Difficult task of changing your gender expression

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mihael, Jul 5, 2016.

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  1. Mihael

    Mihael
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    Yes. Has anyone else struggled with this?

    I find it hard to find my own way in expressing myself more masculine, but it's slowly happening. I worried a lot about the haircut, I cut my hair wrong, I'm growing it out again, to then cut it again differently. I couldn't make clothing work, I couldn't find stuff that would look masculine and good on me. Dread. Also, stuff like choosing avatars, profile photos, my own desktop, furniture, bags et cetera. Missing jewelry and some clothes girls can wear, and not be seen as someone they are not, wondering if I should pierce my ears or not... Missing my birth name, still liking to be a daughter and friends like two girls. I'm not the most masculine guy ever, I like lots of things considered feminine.

    With all the things I like, I find it difficult to navigate masculinity, and I think it was stopping me from transitioning for a long time. But I'm doing it, I think I'm becoming less and less girlish, I'm growing into this expression and finding my own pieces by trial and error. I'm learning it and getting to know. Just like I did with expressing myself as a woman a couple of years ago. A side effect: discomfort with myself as I'm trying out things that don't work. I seriously feel like growing up from an awkward youngster to a more mature and confident guy. Are hormones included? I'm not taking any, but a complete change of lifestyle did mess my own hormones up, so "awsome" mood swings of growing up are here again. Ugh. To make you all feel better, I went through a stage of a crossdressing girl and a sweet tomboy (I have never been too butch), and angry feminist, and of overdoing masculinity. I sort of began living together with the guys, and the insider code... that's a thing as well. It's a group thing, a whole new world, stuff you don't show to outsiders, some of it requires skill, like a good joke.
     
    #1 Mihael, Jul 5, 2016
  2. Pistachio

    Pistachio
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    That's actually kind of a cool thought! :slight_smile: to me, at least..
    I don't think I'm far enough into my transition to experience what you're experiencing, but I've definitely heard of others struggling with it.
    (Good luck and congratulations on your continued growth!)
     
    #2 Pistachio, Jul 5, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2016
  3. I AM MEOW

    I AM MEOW
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    If you need to you can always start with the masculine/androgynous women's clothing. That's what I did, although mostly to ease people into the change of my gender expression. This can also help with getting clothes that fit right.
     
    #3 I AM MEOW, Jul 6, 2016
  4. Mihael

    Mihael
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    Androgynous and masculine women's clothing is what I've been doing for the last 3 years :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: somehow, it's not enough.

    Thank you Tony :slight_smile:

    JI just made this thread to complain together how hard it is :wink:
     
    #4 Mihael, Jul 6, 2016
  5. Matto_Corvo

    Matto_Corvo
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    I did have issues at first and still do. I am very self conscious about what other people are thinking about me. But I spent most of my life in rather androgynous wear so stepping up to masculine wasn't that big of a shock to others.
    The haircut though....I started with a pixie cut then stepped it up to buzzing off all the hair on my head. That got a reaction, which died down when it started growing out. But then I buzzed the back and side, and after that I grew out I got it cut the way I have it now. I wore a hate the first two days because I was afraid of what people would say.
     
    #5 Matto_Corvo, Jul 6, 2016
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