Attitude towards bottom surgery

I'm a lot like you.

While Testosterone, a hysto, and top surgery are extremely important to me, I have been hesitant when it comes to bottom surgery. On the one hand, I don't care too much about it. Because I'm not a sexual person and thus, even if I had a dick, I wouldn't be putting it too much use (tmi?).

But another part of me is this perfectionist mentality and wanting to be "normal" in a physical sense. Like, if I wanted to strip nude for some reason, I'd look natural. I know that is probably an inane reason to want bottom surgery. Then of course there is the inevitable comparisons between myself and other cis-men, whom I admire, and feeling jealous that I cannot have what they have. Then sometimes I get down because, as of now, the expense and risk for phallo particularly, is high in both respects.

Regardless, I think meta is a viable option for me personally, in the future. I kind of want something there, even if it's small. And maybe when medical innovations for transmen are improved, I would look into further operations. For the time being, I'm not terribly worried about it. I've got time to mull it over and look into my prospects.

 

I think about bottom surgery all the time. I try not to, because it actually pisses me off, but I can't help it. I want bottom surgery, but I want a dick that's fully functioning, you know, real. And I don't have the belief that either surgery does that yet. Not for me. I know others are happy with their results.

But, I think, if I did go through with bottom surgery, I'd want it to be phallo (though I could just as likely go for meta). It won't be for a good few years, so maybe things will be better by then.

 

First MtF to comment then. ^^

Hmm... Well, I'm thinking for you guys, won't it be kind of hard to shower publicly and stuff like if you're male-bodied, maybe with muscle and stuff, and you have, you know, a v down there? Might that not be even, like, dangerous? : (

I'm not particularly attracted to genitals in general, but I don't find FtM penises to be unattractive compared to biologically male penises or so.

I'm definitely having SRS, btw, if it's the last thing I do, lol. I could personally not live like this for another 70 years (assuming I die a natural death).

 

I think about that sometimes. It's one of the smaller reasons I lean towards wanting bottom surgery. But I don't like being around people sans clothes in any kind of situation really and I'd try to avoid that no matter what (unless weight loss - and T - boost up this rumored self confidence I've only ever heard about ), so wanting a penis is not really about safety or even sex for me (though that is part of the reason I hope medical advances improve bottom surgery for when I'm able to look into it) it's just a body part I should have had and want.

But yeah, I think being in that situation could be quite unsafe given people's current reaction to toilets.

 

I do hope things advance in all of trans medicine, obviously, but especially when it comes to FtM bottom surgery, which actually seems, like, not as developed as MtF SRS. I mean, maybe it's just because I lack the perspective, but I think vaginoplasty just seems to be, like, better, like, in terms of function, risk, and how realistic it looks, compared to FtM bototm surgery.

 

I think about bottom surgery a lot because I'm gay and mostly a top, sex wise having a penis would be really nice. But there are a lot of complications that can happen with surgery and the risks are just too high for me to feel comfortable with going through with surgeries other than a hysto.
But that being said, if I find my dyaphoria gets worse then I shall reconsider it....also money. It is expensive as hell.

 

I sort of want bottom surgery, although I'm not completely satisfied with either option (hopefully medical advancements can improve that), I would probably go for meta. I already have semi-bad bottom dysphoria, hate what's down there currently....feels weird wanting bottom surgery though, because it's barely ever talked about, especially for trans guys...not sure if my bottom dysphoria is worse than the average trans guy or what but I find it weird that it isn't discussed more. Of course, who knows if I can ever get it, it's pretty expensive isn't it? Unless insurance covers it...not sure about that.

So I guess I want it (most likely meta), but I'm not sure if it's a realistic goal to have for me.

 

Honestly I have like 0 bottom dysphoria, (and I'm not an adult so any surgeries at all are kind of out of the question at this point) so it's not really something I've wanted to get done. When I came out to someone, they asked me "Do you want a penis??" and I kind of laughed it off. Saying, no, some people feel that way, but I just wish I was flat chested.
But.. Thinking about it later, that would actually be kind of great. The thing is, what I want is to have been born a cis guy. The parts would come with that. Because I'm pretty chill about what I've got down there, bottom surgery isn't something I want.
HOWEVER- I've definitely had the "trans rabbit hole" experience.
First I was confused, thought I was maybe gender queer but wanted my expression to be more masculine, so I cut my hair. Then I had kind of an epiphany- and was like- oh wait. I think I'm a guy.. Then I felt like a guy with boobs, and I was not cool with that so I started feeling upset by my chest a lot of the time. Then I started binding with sports bras and layering.. Which felt right somehow, and only further solidified my identity.
I'll probably ask my parents to order a professional binder pretty soon.. And I might go by a more masculine nickname and be more strict about my pronouns next school year.
I like to think of the "rabbit hole" as really just me pushing obstacles out of the way that were obscuring my true self, blocking the way for more thoughts and feelings to come through about who I was. It might be scary at first- but I know only good can come of it in the end

 

I'm not sure how valuable my input is since I'm the other way around here.... But.... might as wel. I'm MTF, and I am constantly obsessing over it. So I know I want it. The scariest thing for me is actually the cost. But I will not give up on it. I know I need it and will be unwilling to live with it forever. I keep hoping that by the time I'm ready for surgery, that we can grow full organs with stem cells. There has been progress there, successful trial tests in females. And there has been successful transplant in a male recently. Ah... but there's the nerd in me talking. I can't get my hopes up. I'll still try for conventional SRS for now. But that's a long way ahead for me, need to HRT for a while first.

I can really relate to the dysphoria we're talking about. I imagine the feeling's more or less the same for both FTMs and MTFs. At first, I just thought my problems were no big deal, maybe just some silly reaction to depression. Then I thought: "oh, it just must be the hair I don't like." Nope. It's the entire thing. I've come to terms with that now. But I really recognize the same sort of progression I had. It actually makes me feel pretty good to know that other people understand this. It's... not something my cis friends I opened up to really get. I mean, they're supportive, but they don't really know, you know? I appreciate their support but they can't really give me the understanding you need for this.

One thing... which I haven't discussed much with my friends, that I think you all here would get, is that I don't want to.... you know... use it, for sex. Like at all. But it doesn't actually directly affect my perception of my sexuality. But I am afraid it'd offend or hurt a potential partner. But I do constantly obsess about the thought of getting the... correct... equipment down there and being penetrated there. It's just something primal for me. Something deeply tied to my body identity and a big part of the reason why I want full reassignment. I always figured that this was a common struggle for trans. I only told one friend, the one that has a trans sister, she said it was the same experience with her sister. The rest, I just don't think they'd get it. I get the perception that this is rather common for MTFs. I would think that something similiar, just the other way around, is common for FTMs. I think it's the case based on what you're saying here, but I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding you.

I should stop rambling. I really hope all of us here can get what we want done.

 

I'd like bottom surgery but I don't think I would need it. I really want hormones and have recently started thinking about FFS. The thing with bottom surgery is that few people other than myself are ever gonna notice. For me, personally, it wouldn't be worth just how expensive it is.

 

Bottom surgery is kind of my pie in the sky thing. But ideally, and I know getting this is all a matter of waiting for tech to catch up and finding the right surgeon (like UpperChase1's guy!), I'd like a phalloplasty with the possibility of keeping my so-called front entrance. Which I'm aware basically makes me outwardly intersex but I figure as a gay man, it'd be nice to get my bottom dysphoria figured out while taking advantage of something that, hey, I got stuck with anyway.

I know for sure I'm getting a hysto. Not only does this completely shut down the possibility of me reenacting the Shining's elevator scene should I go off T for any reason but it'd be nice going on a lower dose and no longer have to fight off estrogen. Plus, it really does suck being a man who has to, as of right now, use an IUD should I actually get into a relationship with a cis male.

 

I'm quite intimidated by bottom surgery--I don't like the idea of scalpels and stuff anywhere near my genitals. I guess it wouldn't be that important to me since I think I'd most likely mainly be a bottom. Also, there are risks and I think I've heard some horror stories about botched surgeries. I guess I'll think about it when I'm on T. But so far, maybe to a metoidioplasty, no to a phalloplasty. Most likely for a hysto. I hope that there are medical advancements for FTMs by the time I start thinking about bottom surgery.

 

I'm on the fence with wanting bottom surgery. On one hand, I really want to pursue it one day, but on the other, I'm not a fan of the results as they are now. I'm sure in about fifteen years, our options will be way better, but still.

 

The only bottom surgery I'm sure about is hysto. I've briefly thought about/researched meta and phallo but it's so far into the future what with the waiting times of the NHS (don't even know if you can get bottom surgery on the NHS) that it barely enters my mind. Dysphoria towards other parts of my body is a lot worse and needs to be sorted first. Also I don't like the look of phallo results at the moment, I'm hoping in the next 10 years the surgery will be improved.

 

I ended up reading some sites about metoidioplasty because of this discussion. I knew a little bit about it but never really gave it a whole lot of thought but over the past few years I've become really interested in FTM people and what you go through. So anyway, what I want to say is thank you for being so open and honest here because I feel like I have a much greater understanding now. Also reading these narratives I can relate to this from the opposite direction, but wow, I don't know anyone talking about these things in real life and sometimes I really have to know there are people making these journeys.

Okay, when I first came out to a certain friend of mine her first question was whether or not I was into guys at all and her SECOND was actually, "So, are you planning to go wangless?" From anyone else I would be super pissed but this is just her personality. She just lets fly and also we have an intimate history so in some ways it's like she's talking inside my head. Like the little part of us that says inappropriate things inside that we generally filter.

I told her not really to both without getting into why it's not what she thinks it is. But the fact is I've really wanted bottom surgery for as long as I've known it's existed. It's just that I've ruled it out for now for a number of reasons. And speaking of the trans rabbit hole, yes, there are times when even though I've made this decision I start to second guess it massively and on those occasions I end up going to surgery sites and YouTube and absorbing as much information as I can about it.

I've found some ways to cope with not having it, and with having male genitals. I don't think of them that way but having them has been... well... kind of a hindrance and an obstacle. There are workarounds and mental gymnastics I've practiced but when it gets right down to it, I really want a vagina. That might even be the first time I've actually expressed it that way. I know when I've tucked the way I've looked in the mirror with the rest of my body was very reassuring and it felt just right and whole and complete and everything good to have just like this mound down there and then when I closed my legs a diamond of space between the tops of my thighs. When I showed another friend the result she was like, "You have what my mom calls the Three Diamonds!" And I was like "Aw yeah!" But absence of one thing is not the same as presence of another.

So while I can exist like this and I'm okay with it, of course I can't help but think I would be doing MORE than just existing and being okay if I had bottom surgery.

What puts me off it, though, are the photos of the procedure. I don't have any emotional connection to the before part, but the during part makes me feel very squeamish so much so I'm even leery about the after part. I know I would feel whole, but I am NOT good with medical procedures. I only just recently got over my needle complex and that was only because I happen to have had blood drawn multiple times in the past few years by people who knew what they were doing!

And apparently I still make these HORRIFIC faces even so.

Yet another friend of mine sent me this CGI animation of the procedures recently and that got me thinking about moving forward again. And also, to be even more open, I DO think about sex with a vagina. That's definitely not the be-all/end-all reasoning behind it but I have a lot of concerns and interests and feelings about that aspect as well. It means at least something to me. To be able to do that.

 

As an FTM, I think I might want bottom surgery at some point, but I'll definitely wait a while just to see if any more options become available or are improved upon (and since I'm only sixteen lol). Until then, I'm happy with a packer.

 

Haven't even come out myself so pre everything. It's a hard one for me because I'd love to be able to do all the things that cis guys do but the thought of anything going wrong is terrifying. Urination problems and sensitivity problems too. I believe it would be free on the NHS but the thought of an NHS surgeon doing something like that doesn't fill me with confidence! But, penis transplants is being trialled on cis blokes that have had an accident so it's only a matter of time before private practice surgeons make a play for it because of how big the market is - supply and demand. Not in my lifetime though, probably more so for the younger generations on here.

 

The main reason I would ever want to have bottom surgery would be the ability to get an erection naturally when I'm turned on. I mean, I don't even usually wear a packer unless I really need the confidence boost. For me, that means that phallo as it currently exists is kinda pointless.

I wasn't really aware until I researched it just now that meta (or clitoral release which doesn't mess with the urethra) could accomplish that. It's certainly something to keep in mind....thanks for bringing it up.

 

I know that I definitely want bottom surgery, although there are times that I question whether the results are worth it. I like the idea of phallo, but I don't like the idea of having ed. I'll probably go for meta since that's the main starting point for phallo anyway.