This is probably a multi-part question, but I'm trying to figure these things out. For my entire life, despite the draw I felt, I kept myself actively ignorant of femenine things. Clothes, hair, makeup, etc, I thought the less I knew the more masculine I would be. Well, here I am now desperate to be a woman and I know nothing. Where do I start? How do I learn? The second part is feminine mannerisms. I don't know if the same subconscious mentality worked on my mannerisms, but I have classic masculine mannerisms. It feels forced if I try to behave differently but I dont want to be masculine. Is this a mental thing to overcome? Do others have to practice or just me?
There's no one way to be a woman, so anything goes really. If you identify as a woman, then you are one and nobody can take that away from you. I say give yourself time, and do what you feel most comfortable with. You don't have to conform to societal standards of what "a woman should be".
I think you just have to start paying attention to those things you avoided. If you're interested in clothes and hair and things there are magazines and online resources all over the place and it's fun, fun stuff. Or it can be. But at the same time I don't believe there's any "right" way to be a woman (or a man, for that matter). Just be yourself and you'll be fine.
Are you asking about makeup or about mannerisms? The first is complicated. You need to either 1. Watch tutorials. 2.) Find a mentor or go to a mac or sephora counter and ask for a makeover. If you buy stuff they would be thrilled.I learned a lot the second way. 3.) Practice practice and develop your own style. The second is don't scratch down there, burp/fart, slouch or sit with your legs wide. Believe me, women do that shit, just not nearly as much in public as guys do. Learn to glide when you walk. Heels do have a sort of natural effect on that if you actual step instead of drag or stomp your feet.
Super feminine style isn't always necessary to pass, since a lot of cis women don't even use the stuff. I barely see cis women in skirts/dresses or make-up anymore unless required for work or formal occasions. However, if It's something you want to do for yourself (as long as It's not mistaken for being 'real women do this' ) that is fine. Just shop around the women's section and see what you like. Mannerisms are definitely important though. Women shake their hips a little when they walk (It's hard to explain). I also second the scratching and spreading legs as things to avoid. It might also be good to practice peeing while sitting down, as standing has a different noise and makes it more dangerous to be caught in public bathrooms.
I'm kind of asking about all of it. I feel like I'm too old for the teen magazines or tutorials for first time makeup and hair. But anything that would be for a woman my age assumes a basic level of competence I don't have. So that basics thing that girls learn young is what I'm looking for I guess. As for the mannerisms, I'm not looking to be some idealized version of femininity, I was just wondering about the mannerisms in general. Your suggestions are kind of right on, I'm just kind of wondering if other trans girls find that stuff easy or if it is a process to lean that stuff? Like I don't recall my mom teaching my sister some of this stuff (though I may have missed it) but maybe other girls have to lean and practice from a young age?
Have you thought about checking out YouTube? There are a lot of helpful style and makeup resources on there. There are things I don't use but I love watching them and learning from them anyway.
Thinga I've found to be drastically different is the way men and women sit. Try to cross your legs and take up less room, walk with a bounce instead of a 'swagger'. Honestly people watching and copying their actions and practising is the best way to learn and start changing things. I know it feels forced to begin with but it'll be second nature when it becomes ingrained. It took me about 3 weeks to actively stop myself from crossing my legs when I sit, now I automatically spread them. Just practice, it'll take time.
Thank you everyone for the advice. Aberrance, thank you so much! I guess what I was concerned with is that things like that come naturally to everyone and the fact that it doesn't come naturally is a problem for me. I guess it is just reassuring that other people have to put some conscious effort into some actions at the beginning.
You got some good advice already, so I don't really have much to add. I just wanted to second Loli21 in saying that there isn't really much you need to do if you don't want to. I am a bit of a tomboy and I walk with something like a swagger mixed with swaying hips (think Shane from the L Word), it is what comes naturally to me and I also happen to like it. Half the time I don't wear any makeup, the other half it's just eyeliner and mascara. I also see a lot of women who sit with their legs wide in public and I actually find it attractive, because it makes them look really confident (and a bit gay :lol. Then again they are probably not much into skirts or dresses, so if you are you probably shouldn't be doing that. :icon_wink I really just wanted to put it out there that it isn't all black and white or anything and hoping to make you feel a bit better about your current presentation. Oh, and no, moms don't secretly teach their daughters any mannerisms when their brothers aren't around, it is something that people pick up from their peers as children and adolescents.
