I think I might be neutrois, but I'm not sure (and binder question)

Hello! I am a DFAB, and I have been struggling with my gender identity for about a year now. I thought at first that I might be transgender because I feel more masculine and would be happier if I did have a male body, but while I do fantasize about appearing more masculine, I can't picture myself 100% identifying with the roles and expectations of males. Really, I just want a male bod from the waist up, that's it.

As for pronouns, at this time, I don't mind any pronouns but found that I prefer he/him and they/them over she/her. She/her pronouns make me feel mildly agitated (mainly due to my chest dysphoria) and he/him pronouns feel better, but they still don't feel quite right. I feel like I'm lying to myself whenever I am called or refer to myself as male or female but would rather be mistaken for a boy over a girl.

I have just recently come across the term "neutrois." I feel like this has described how I feel better than other gender terms I have come across, but I'm not 100% sure. I would love to hear stories from any neutrois or genderqueer users to see if I can relate, or simply receive advice about ways that I can learn about this more!

On a side note, while I am here, I have been looking into purchasing a chest binder and would love to hear suggestions for good ones! I am a plus-sized person with a very large bust, 4'11" and weighing... well, quite a bit. xD Do they make binders in my size, or am I out of luck?

Thank you very much for taking your time to read this all the way through! I really appreciate it! :icon_bigg

 

Thanks for the great advice so far! After reading your comment, Delta, I'm quite certain that that's how I feel as well. Thanks for helping me out!

Also thanks to the binder suggestions. I'll definitely look into Underworks and GC2B. I rarely acknowledge me chest outside of buying sports bras (the only bras that I'll ever wear) so I've never done any measurements and am not quite sure how to do so. I'll see if my mom or sister can help me with that or find a how-to online. Thanks again you guys!

 

Thank you for posting! I've noticed that most of the people I've come across on other sites that identify as neutrois also wish to have a more neutral body and voice. That was the main reason why I was wondering if maybe I wasn't neutrois since I didn't feel that way when I came across the term "transmasculine neutrois" which describes me 100%. I've finally figured out who I am, and I have all of you wonderful people to thank for that. :3