I want to live as stealth one day because I pursue a career in politics. And there it will be a huge disadvantage. Means I will lose valuable years in the party I can't join because I don't want to ruin my stealth future. Means I will have to change university at least once or twice to be stealth and lead a nomadic livestyle where I have to build a proper social life every few years. And all for results in what...years? I want it now, damn. I want a magical pill to turn me cis or testosterone right now. This madness is taking my youth away and worse lets my plans fail. And whoever is responsible for this, be it god or nature, should go to hell. What's so difficult about getting my chromosomes right? A 12-year-old could do that. But no, mother nature was drunk and thought it would be very funny. It's not funny at all. I hate it.
It goes by faster than you think. Have you started T? My best friend is 2 years on T and he looks amazing. The beginning is slow but he is really happy and the journey he took made him all the better. It takes time to be the person you want to be.
No, I haven't started T yet. But I will consult a second psychologist and make an apointment at the endo, to rule out possible physical causes. But they said that I have to wait 2 years until I can change my name and go on T. I wouldn't mind if it was just the T, I could dye my peach fuzz so it looks like a 5 o clock shadow, workout is going well and I already pass. But the damn name ruins everything. With the name (and official gender) change I could pursue my goals just like I want. Sometimes I even think that I should stop identifying as trans. I don't have strong dysphoria, it's more envy and that my life is just 80% good. As a man it would be 100% but I wouldn't die from living as a tomboy. It's so hard...I feel like I can only have one: My real gender OR success.
Yeah, but we're not in that times. And not the party I want to go to. They're conservative. My country is destroying itself and I have the power of the word, it is my duty to do something. I am a man with double X chromosomes, but what I am even more is a patriot.
It won't always be like that but I can understand the frustration of not getting to where you want to be. Why do you have to wait 2 years to start T and to change your name? I also agree with Amy.
@ Jay: I have no idea. It's either misinformatiom (which I hope) or a stupid law. @AmyBee: Somehow you are right. But do you honestly believe that one day it will be normal and not matter, even in a conservative environment? Not even gay people have that privilege and they are far ahead of the trans people. Maybe in 50 years? But for starting a career, it will be useless.
That's so weird.. I've never heard of that! But I am also not from Germany. As cliche as it is, you have to be the change you want to see in the world. So one day, yes it will be normal. Will that be a long time from now? Probably. But don't give up on your dreams because you can't see the path. Head straight for the path, blinded even. Maybe you'll raise awareness, maybe you'll open people's minds, maybe even their hearts. There's no doubt you are going to get where you are going. It's just going to take longer. There is no bound that isn't worth it in pursuing self love and happiness.
I live in Utah, one of the most conservative states in America. Now granted this is from the liberal party and not the Conservative party, but. Salt Lake City just elected our first openly lesbian mayor and the democrats just nominated the first trans woman for the senate. I was floored. And all that happened while I was/am dealing all the huge questions of what being trans means for my life. I can understand your frustration, I've lived my whole life wishing there was a magical pill that would make me into the woman I desperately wanted to be. But here I am at 33, only now allowing myself to admit that I am a woman inside and part of me feels like I've wasted half my life being someone I'm not. I'm jealous and in awe of the young trans people out there, you included anthracite, that have the courage to be who they are at such a young age. Dont give up hope. You're brave and amazing and good things will happen. (*hug*)
@Jay: We have lots of stupid laws. But I have decided that I must be stealth. For myself and for other people of my minority (to whom I have a more intense relationship) to identify with me as their leader. I will not forget my transbros and sisters, but they have loyal fighters already. My other group doesn't. @Jjanon: That's great to hear. I hope this development will continue in more conservative environments. We have a party that argues strongly for LGBT people, which I appreciate, but in most other things they are not my political home. I wish you good luck for your path. I also feel you. I wish I would have known earlier, so that I wouldn't have gone through female puberty. But the damage is done and we can only look forward.
If you're going to go into politics, let me just tell you: Stealth will probably be impossible. Even if you pass and all your legal documents match up with your gender, there will always be people who knew you before you transitioned and somebody's going to let out the secret. Honestly, it's better just to be upfront about who you are as a politician.
There are very few people I trust. And most people I will never ever see again. It's gonna be difficult, but not living stealth is not a life for me. How do you want to know if any of the friends you've gained after they knew just keep you as a pet to show their tolerance to the world? I don't want to be seen as the guy that was a girl. I have a personality, but then no one will care. It's horrible to have this as a pressure point. Whoever knows will basically posess me and have the power to scew up my live. It's not like I'm ashamed or transphobic deep down. But for me this is like occasional drug use. Doesn't harm anyone, but that secret screws everything up, because society doesn't want it. To be a bit different is okay, but too much will only get me either imprisoned at some asylum or even dead.
On what iiimee said, although you will never see them again, how are you to know that they won't remember or recognize you? Being a politician puts you in the public eye, people are going to want to know everything there is to know about you, and there will be people who will stop at no end to find all of your deepest darkest secrets. Obviously plan a is stealth, but you need to be prepared in case you get outed along you political career. Houston's previous mayor was a lesbian, she wasn't in the closet or anything, but she never made it any kind of big deal. It wasn't until after she was elected that people realized they had voted for a lesbian mayor. Half the city shat bricks over the fact we had a gay mayor, but her policies were what people voted for, so people calmed down and mostly forgot that it was a big deal in the first place. The point that I'm trying to make, is you need to find a way to tactfully deal with the possible situation of you getting outed. TL;DR, my (mostly) conservative city accidentally elected a lesbian mayor, but eventually got over it. In the possibility that you get outed in the future, you need to find a good way to make your policies more important than your transness.
I have come to the conclusion that cis people can be extraordinarily ignorant about obvious facts. I get read as a boy when the sports bra is slighty visible under my shirt. They don't even know what trans is, hell if you asked them, what it is you would get Conchita Wurst. They might think that I am related to that good-looking politician, then remember I have no brother and think it's a coincidence. I know they want secrets. And they can have plenty. Stupid selfies, heartwarming relationships and all the blabla the media wants. On being outed: My current plan is to use my power to help a friend get a high rank and them run away and never return. It's not a master plan, but it's at least healthier than my usual catastrophe-behavior.
You do not have to wait two years to change your name. You could send out the application right now if you'd want to.
Is that your experience? I think it will be a lot of fighting against them if they say I should wait. Maybe differs depending on where you live or is that a rule for the whole nation?
